Favorite DWI/DUI/OWI admissions and explanations

[countybear]

Drunks love to talk...

What are some of your favorite roadside admissions/explanations from DWI/DUI/OWI offenders?

I'll kick it off:

"I've been driving like this (drunk) for 30 years, and I ain't hurt nobody yet..." (DWI 4th charged, 9th lifetime)

"If I'd been sober, no way you'd have caught me..."

"I'm so friggin' drunk, I'd arrest myself."

Officer (Me): "Do you have any medical problems?"
Offender: "No, I'm just shitfaced."

"My lawyer told me never to take one of those tests if I'm drunk..."

[Cidp24]

I really can't remember any particularly funny ones. I have seen more than one video of people trying to do FST and saying "I couldn't do this sober!".

I have, however, had two or three pretty much "surrender" by saying "I'm not doing any of those tests, you got me, I'm drunk." or similar statements.

[snuffy2202]

I really can't remember any particularly funny ones. I have seen more than one video of people trying to do FST and saying "I couldn't do this sober!".

I had one a month ago who said the same thing on a one-leg-stand test.

[Death Detective]

My favorite was a guy who was obviously drunk but in a good mood. I asked how much he had to drink and he said 4 beers. After tests he was arrested for DWI. On the way to the PD he was giggling and I asked him what he was laughing about. He said you will find out anyway but I wasn't lying, I only had 4 beers......but they were quarts.

[moggsp98]

My very first dui years ago was involved in a sideswiping head-on crash. He had a "green leafy substance" all around his lips. (He copped to trying to eat his dope.) When I asked what happened he said a large "CACOON" ran out in front of him. I said "excuse me?" He again said a large "CACOON", you know, with the black mask and stripes around the tail. OHHHHH!, you mean a RACCOON

[MacLean]

Him - "Officer, I'm not drunk I just took my pain pills is all."


Me - "Oh, what sort of pain pills are you taking?"

Him - "Oxycontin, but they don't hurt my driving."

Me - "Did you read the little label on the bottle?"

Him, reading bottle - "Oh, the doctor didn't tell me that...."

[lewisipso]

Me-Drunk again hunh?
Violator-I wasn't drunk last time. I'm just drunk this time.

(ferryboat captain on his way to work)

[Cidp24]

(ferryboat captain on his way to work)

I got a bobtail once, driver was headed from Jackson Ms to Birmingham AL to pick up a load. Got him at 63 in a 40 on a city street, he went .14, if I remember right. I fired him. When I called his boss to tell him where he could get the truck, the boss said "Tell him he is fired." He told me he had only had "A few beers".