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  1. #21
    Whitewolf's Avatar
    Whitewolf is offline Hard Of Hearing Non-LEO
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    LMAOOOO... Mmmm...nice stories you guys got there. I love it when I read 'em all. They're hilarious and funny stories I love to read. It makes me laugh and that's a good feeling. Poor guys/gals in the stories. More please?
    I SEE NEKKED PEOPLE! AIN'T SKEERED!!!!!

  2. #22
    Cheech Guest
    How about this. Riding with a friend one day Kinda blanked I was in a police car, went to vegas to pick someone up. We were going kinda fast, I saw a bike cop doing radar. Said " shit, dood, slow down hes gonna fawking pull us over " He just looked at me and I realized what I was sitting in. Wasnt thinking

  3. #23
    Whitewolf's Avatar
    Whitewolf is offline Hard Of Hearing Non-LEO
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    Teheehehehehehee...I wonder what is in your head, dood, if you don't realize what vehicle you was in. LOL! I like that story.
    I SEE NEKKED PEOPLE! AIN'T SKEERED!!!!!

  4. #24
    lcsodre108's Avatar
    lcsodre108 is offline DUI Persecutor
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    I stopped a guy for no tags one night. When I get to the vehicle, I explain why stopped them, and ask for ID from the driver and passenger. The male driver has his pants unbuttoned, and no ID, he says, I watch the female passenger get her license out of her purse, and also see her crusty panties fall out. HMMMMM wonder what they were doing, When I ask the driver if he has any papework on the vehicle, he hands me a citation written two weeks before by another one of our officers for driving on suspended, no proof of insurance, and no vehicle license. Good enough for me, he had even plead not guilty to the first charges, but not mine. Here's your sign. If it wasn't for stupid people, this job would be soooooo boring.
    www.alliedoddballs.com
    I can't do this test when I am sober!

    Respect My AUTHORITAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #25
    Big-Mo is offline Banned
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    I was on the Night Watch and was pretty slow out. I saw this car proceeding down a 4 lane road and using both lanes. I began to follow it and then I noticed the two guys up front kept looking back at me. After stopping at a stop sign, they proceeded on and then began changing driver while doing about 30 mph. It was SO FUNNY. They finally switched drivers and then I pulled them over. I determined that BOTH were inebriated BADLY and both blew over .20 and the Sgt couldn't believe I arrested two in one car. It wasn't more than three weeks later that while on 2nd watch on a sunday afternoon. I watched a car weave drastically with a female driver and a male on her right. I went to pull her over and she busted a stop sign and struck a parked car. As I was getting out, the passenger ran to the drivers side, scooted her over and jumped in and drove away. I could NOT believe it... I then got him stopped about 4 blocks down. Not ONLY were BOTH drunk and blew the tests and FAILED, I nailed him for leaving the scene plus an accident report, it was a LONG NIGHT!! Take care and Be Safe ALL!!

  6. #26
    houston_four's Avatar
    houston_four is offline Now what did I do lastnight?
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    Well mine isn't too funny but one of my favorite on-duty stories of my career.

    I was in my 2nd phase of FTO and my trainer told me to look out for a white durango because it was a dealer he was looking for. Well we roll up on this carload of guys and 1 girl and they are all peeing on the sidewalk so we ID and mess with them and let them go.

    Low and behold here comes the white durango and as soon as it sees us it darts down a side street and blacks out. Fast forward five minutes and we are conducting a felony stop placing people in cars. We call k-9 to search the vehicle and find nothing. All three turds from the car give a big sigh of relaxation when they hear that we found nothing.

    Since the vehicle was used in a felony (evading) it is getting towed so of course I get the rookie duty of filling out the tow-slip and doing inventory. In the floor board of the front seat I see a prongles can and decide to open it and see if there was anything inside. Now being a professional Pringle's eater I know that when you open a new can the chips are not filled to the top and sitting sideways. So I dump the chips on the road and what do I see but a false bottom! And what would happen to be in the false bottom other than 4 grams of meth and assorted small amounts of marijuana!!! That made my day! All the veterans were telling me what a good job I did and of course I made sure to go to each suspect and ask them if they wanted to have some of my chips......and meth! It was a great night!

  7. #27
    lcsodre108's Avatar
    lcsodre108 is offline DUI Persecutor
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    I did a DRE on a guy one night that was on X. During the test he keeps going on about being thirsty, and wanting to hug me, and all I can think of was Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys 2. Well we start the field sobriety part of the evaluation, and I give him the instructions for the Romberg balance tes (Tilt your head back, close your eyes and estimate the passeage of 30 seconds.) As soon as i tell him to close his eyes and tilt his head back, he passes out and hits the floor. End of evaluation, call the ambulance.
    P.S. the Romberg balance is a great test, it is not validated, but it really shows marijuana, and painkiller impairment. if you have a DRE around get them to show it to you, or PM me and I will try to describe it to you. Not admissable in court though.
    www.alliedoddballs.com
    I can't do this test when I am sober!

    Respect My AUTHORITAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. #28
    Whitewolf's Avatar
    Whitewolf is offline Hard Of Hearing Non-LEO
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    Mmmmm... cool story. Love to read them, it's like reading the book of LE story. They're all are funniest stories I can see. Love 'em all!
    I SEE NEKKED PEOPLE! AIN'T SKEERED!!!!!

  9. #29
    eMachine's Avatar
    eMachine is offline Ret. Lt w/no class
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    Talking

    We like to steal rookie's cars left running and drive past them at high rates of speed. The yelling, screaming, and crying on the radio is a gut buster.

    We had this naked PCPer dangling from a second floor chandelier armed with a knife. We call our EVU guys out to use some special supplies on him. The EVU guys go in, decide to taze him, he yells something to the effect of "goobly ga!", swings through the second story rear window(which was shut), hits the ground, and starts running. The EVU guys come out of the front door running so fast their feet never touched the ground. I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself. Needless to say, us patrol folks chased Mr no-clothes through the hood and caught his nutty behind.

    Had a guy in the squad who we all considered partly insane. He used to go to domestic argument calls, walk straight to the kitchen and start making sandwiches while the couples argued. He'd interupt their argument to ask if they had any mustard.

    At times, on domestic argument calls, if I had a partner that day who was male, we would go in and start arguing between ourselves in a make believe language. We were louder of course and would push the remote and other small items around. The expressions on the citizens faces when that happened were priceless. I recall one couple telling us to take our sh!t the fvck out of their house. Another couple tried to mediate our argument!...they did a pretty good job to boot.
    Last edited by eMachine; 04-04-06 at 05:41 AM.
    "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." - Gener Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (original)

  10. #30
    Billiardnut's Avatar
    Billiardnut is offline Attack Pug Dog Handler
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    Arrow

    It was after shift and we are in our little patrol area BSing as most probably do. My friend and I were kidding one of our new guys about swapping wives and the new guy was believing our story - hook, line and sinker. We were having all kinds of fun with him

    So the conversation of sex begins and one thing leads to another. The new cop said his wife gives it up anytime he wants it. We laughed in disbelief - knowing that statement was BS. He got real serious and said NO really!

    Then he said one night he got home wanting some but his wife refused. He said he began to jerk off then "finished" on his wifes face.
    Needless to say we were in the floor about to piss ourselves from laughing so hard. He said his wife abruptly awoke, with his "man cream" all over her. As she began to wipe her face clean, he subtlely said "on ya or in ya - thats the way it is". He said things "kinda went down hill at that point" Apparently she informed him of all the extra activities she could do with his manhood while he slept.

    I dont know if the story was true or not .... the way this guy told it was hallarious. Hope you get a chuckle out of it -

    Sorry ladies if I offended ya.
    Member of the Pervert Patrol - making sure the pervs are tracked and up-to-date.
    National Sex Offender Public Registry
    www.nsopr.gov

  11. #31
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    Nothing really special, but the other day my partner and I were in the elevater checking the floors of a dorm, and she hit the emergency call button on accident. Talk about being embarrassed as hell.
    Last edited by Autumn2009; 04-05-06 at 06:38 PM.

  12. #32
    26Trainer's Avatar
    26Trainer is offline Master Officer
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    One night while working 11-7 one of the one man cars called for a rank to meet with him. A little after the Sgt. arrived he called for the Lt. and the Lt. called for crime scene and a tow truck. This officer was out of the academy for about a year and a half. So cops being cops all of the district units started passing by this location and the Sgt. and Lt. told us to keep going and don't get out. After that situation we met the Sgt. for coffee and were told that the officer shot his car. The Sgt. saw the question mark of "shot his car" look on our faces. The Sgt. said yes he shot his car as when the officer got into his unit his gun belt shifted and when he went to straighten it out of course he used the weapon handle and his finger went into the trigger guard and pulled the trigger. A nice hole was put into the drivers seat and through the floor board of the vehicle. He got the night off and a couple of days off. After that he was on desk duty for a couple of months.
    "This flag, which we honor and under which we serve, is the emblem of our unity, our power, our thought and purpose as a nation. It has no other character than that which we give it from generation to generation." Woodrow Wilson, 1917

  13. #33
    ida40dj's Avatar
    ida40dj is offline Officer First Class
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    raining hard for two days everywhere mud, get call about a house burglary interupted when homeowner came back. had two at gunpoint in living room. we get there and sure enough two in living room looking at homeowners shotgun. start talking to these two and they say another person was with them but left when car got stuck in the front yard. about then dispatch calls and says a male sub called 911 said car broke down in area of our burglary call. a state trooper friend checked the rd in the area and the guy acctually flags down the trooper asking for a ride. trooper says sure get in the back, guy just jumps in the car. how stupid!!

  14. #34
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    Beans is offline Street Cop
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    Quote Originally Posted by Post#83Chief
    Nothing really special, but the other day my partner and I were in the elevater checking the floors of a dorm, and she hit the emergency call button on accident. Talk about being embarrassed as hell.
    Oh I have done that so many times!! But who hasn't, embarrassing but understandable.
    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Beans" on LEF.

  15. #35
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    ida40dj is offline Officer First Class
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    checked a suspisious car at about 2:00 am parked behind a closed store. occupants were young 18 to 20 a male and female. sfter speaking with them and a quick look through the vehicle, was going back to the car to call in a warrent check on both of them,dispatch called to check my status i meant to say 10-4(okay) 10-6 (busy unless urgent) but was thinking i had interupted two "parkers", and replied to dispatch 10-4 10-sex, i realized what i said after saying,it but figured i better not correct it or everyone would realize my mistake and i would never hear the end of it

  16. #36
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    Sapper_132 is offline Master Turd Cutter
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    About a week after I 1st started working for my current Dept. I was being given the royal treatment, the Chief was driving me around town showing me everyplace and introducing me to everyone in the city. He had a urgent call of nature so we stop at the PD so he can releave himself. He comes out say don't go in there it's pretty bad.

    Fast foward about 20 min, were out and about he wants to stop by the bank and introduce me to some people there. Sure I say, we park get out and start walking. I notice something comming out the bottom of his pant leg. It's white looks like,.......Yep toilet paper so I step on it hoping he doesn't notice.
    Well low and behold if it is't the last of the roll, funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

    We had a Deputy respond to a TC, turns out it was over turned big rig hauling dough nuts. For 3 weeks after that we put dough nut holes on his anntenas.
    Just because your sign off after you're shift is done, doesn't mean that it's over and put blinders on. You're a cop 24/7 wether you like it or not. If thats something you can't handle, you should find a new line of work!

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by beans43
    Oh I have done that so many times!! But who hasn't, embarrassing but understandable.
    You weren't wearing a way awesome yellow reflective vest while doing it though, that just makes the event.
    Thereís a promise I need you to make
    While Iím gone you take care of the love
    And Iíll deal with the hate.

    Donít worry about me; Iíll be all right
    Just care for your children and sleep tight
    Iíll keep you safe on my watch tonight
    ~
    On My Watch Tonight - Mike Corrado

  18. #38
    Cst.SB's Avatar
    Cst.SB is offline Officer First Class
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    I can't remember of my own stories, or that don't quite seem as fun as my friends. I once attended a call (utter threats) where the complainant was very attractive and about an hour or so later after we had cleared, we found her behind a warehouse on the back of a vette with her ankles on her boyfriends shoulders!!

    A friend of mine who was in the British Prison Service told me a couple good stories.

    One time he was working n the booking in area and some con had come in. Well, according to my friend they used to read the sentence as handed down by the courts, and occasionaly there would be an error, and the cons always hoped it would be a shorter sentence than was read out in court.

    So, this one time a con comes in and like usual as officer read out the sentence. Joe Whatever you've been sentenced to 15 days. Well the con thinks he's just won the lottery because he had been sentenced to 15 years. He can barely contain himself, so he asks the officer, "Have I been sentenced to 15 days?". And the officer relpied, "Yes, you've been sentenced to 15 F-ing Christmas Days!!"

    He said it was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen.

  19. #39
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    zpd307 is offline Master Officer
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    wow, i had a drunk indian that blew a .37 on mouth wash!

  20. #40
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    nitestokker is offline Banned
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    Ground fighting with an EMU! They're smaller than ostriches, but very strong. Long story short, I got cut up pretty bad and ruined a uniform but he went to bird jail. My backup officers, including the supervisor, were laughing it up in Dispatch while I was calling for help.

 

 
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