Dumbest Thing Someone has Said to You

**pgg** · 04-19-10, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by maclean

I love those - around here some folks stop and ask if they can have the deer.

Around here officers have been known to argue over who gets to keep the deer

**Jks9199** · 04-19-10, 11:14 PM

Just got reminded of one...

We did a search warrant on a house; the guy who hit the door did a great job. Dented the metal door and sent the lock pieces and a sizable chunk of the frame flying... Towards the end, the homeowner arrived. Not happy about the door. Less happy when she saw the condition of the house. "You ain't leaving till you clean this up!" Tried to lock two of us in... Not so effective when there's a sizable chunk of the frame missing...

**DeputyDuc** · 04-21-10, 09:55 AM

Stopped a girl for speeding 62/45. "I don't see how I coulda been doin that when my thermometah say I was doin fit-d-five." If the thermometer weren't bad enough she then admits to 10 over.

And just the other night approached some collegiates tokin up outside, odor strong as a papermill,
DD "Where's the joint."
Pothead "Sir we don't have any, just cigarettes" [gestures w.open Marlboro box]
DD [takes box, pulls half-smoked joint out of said box]

APB · 04-21-10, 12:53 PM

Not mine, but overheard. Background: this kid is a problem child, Mom's not much better.

Officer on phone to mother of juvenile we just picked up driving her car without a license: "Ma'am, we found your son driving your vehicle. He's been placed under arrest. Did you know he had the car?"

Mom: "No, of course not, he musta stole it from the driveway."

Officer: "Okay, then we'll be charging him with felony larceny of a motor vehicle as well as operating without a license and underage."

Mom: "Isn't that like a 10 year prison term?"

Officer: "It depends upon what the judge decides based upon his history."

Mom: "Ok, well, he didn't steal it then."

Officer: "So you knew he had it?"

Mom: "Well..."

Officer: "Because if you did, then we're charging you with knowingly letting an unlicensed operator drive your vehicle. And endangerment of a minor."

Mom: "Um. Give me a minute."

**Captain America** · 04-21-10, 01:37 PM

I got dispatched to a minor motor vehicle crash one bright Louisiana day and upon arriving on scene ,I contacted one of the drivers and as usual I asked her if she was injured and had the following conversation :

Me : " Ma'am , are you injured?"
Driver: "I don't known, Just a minute, I need to call my husband "(pulls out cell phone and dials)
Driver (talking to husband on cell phone):" Hey , the cop wants to known if I'm injured."
Driver(hanging up): "Yes !"
Me : "Yes , your injured? "
Driver : "Yes ! "
Me ( sporting my best warm smile):" You want an ambulance ?"
Driver : "Hold on a minute" (pulls out cell phone and starts dialing)
Driver (talking on cell phone) : "He wants to know if I want an ambulance." (hangs up)
Driver :" Yes !"
Me : "Tell me what's hurting you so I can pass that information on to the EMTs "
Driver:" I'm sorry , hold on for a moment" ( takes out cell phone , dials again)
Driver ( talking on cell phone) :" Hey , the cop wants to know what hurts. "( hangs up)
Driver: :"My neck."
Me (trying hard not to laugh):" You have pain in your neck ?"
Driver : " Yes !"

Her husband must have been a lawyer.
I put the entire conversation in my report word for word.

**Five-0** · 04-21-10, 01:49 PM

Captain, that lady has had MVAs in AL too.

**ex401mp** · 04-21-10, 05:31 PM

Damn, she gets around, because I had that person involved in at least three crashes I have worked here in Florida as well.

**Captain America** · 04-21-10, 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by Five-0

Captain, that lady has had MVAs in AL too.

Originally Posted by ex401mp

Damn, she gets around, because I had that person involved in at least three crashes I have worked here in Florida as well.

She needs to keep her ass at home and make samiches for her husband.

**TXCharlie** · 04-21-10, 11:42 PM

Dispatcher: Possible 10-98 repeat on a gas theft report.

Complailtant: I know what what 10-98 means - The officer told me that last time it means that they investigated, doesn't it?

Me: Well, sorta. Did they finish Last time?

Her: No one would find my stolen gas - My truck won't drive because it doesn't have any gas - kids stole all my gas to put in their mini-bikes.

Her: I wouldn't let the cop start it until he put gas in it. They offered to do that, but they would only put Exxon in from next door. I always use Tom Thumb, and I want the city to pay for Exxon if thats what they use.

Me: Mam. the gas gauge shows half -full. I'd like to start it to see if it runs.

Her (annoyed): I TOLD you it doesn't run because it has no gas. The mechanic said it needs a carburator because it has no gas. Apparently running out of gas destr oyed the carberator. I don't want you screwing it up any more.

Me: No mam, he he probably meant the carb was plugged up or something... excuse me,.... My partner wants to skip all this and just get a report of the person you're accusing of taking the gas.

Her: Well t was kids is all i know.hey were laughing at me while I was tryinng to start it, and one of them said I was out of gas - That one stole it, I'm sure, because he knew exactly why it's not starting,

Me: Because of the carb being stopped up?

Her: No, because there's no gas.

Her: so it has to be him - He's also the only one with a dirt bike -Do you see any of others with dirt bikes? that proves it//

Her: besides, he's the only one who was laughing, and said I had a half tankfull, then he called me a stupid old woman.

Me: Didn't you say it have a half-tankful? That's what I see now. can i try to start it?
(She lets me try to start it - barrety dead.)

Me; Your battery's dead, but it's readining half-full of gas. So charge up the battery before the mechanic gets here.

Her: I hope you'te a better cop than a mechanic. I'm calling my mechanic tomorrow. This has nothing to do with the battery. Someone stole my gas!

Me: ok, I'd like to hear what the mechanic says is wong with it just to make it official - call us so we can complete the theft report.

Her: yeah sure OK (she never called back)

SO i asked the mechanic what was wrong with it when I saw him a few days later... He said she kept saying the cops said the gas was low, but she thought it was a dead battery after I told her the battery was dead. Howcome you told her the gas was empty and someone stole it? - You know It has a half of tank, don't you?!

Chief: This was a simple report, in & out, why did you take an hour to resolve it, and now she files a citizen complaint saying that you screwed it all up so she wants another officer next time. Your FTO will show you from step one how to put a stop to this.

Me: My FTO was out there on the call before me. He didn't resolve it either, and said she was 10-98.

Chief: Did you hear what I just told you?

So I called dispatch after that and attach another 10-98 flag (mentally disturbed person), then told them to specify that my Chief wants my FTO to handle all the calls at that location

**Xiphos** · 04-24-10, 01:41 AM

Guy pulls out from a stop sign in front of a car that has the right of way. Big crash of course. I explain to the driver that even though he may have stopped for the stop sign, he's still required to yield and I'm issuing him the stop sign ticket.

He says, "I did yield."

"No you didn't or there wouldn't have been an accident."

"Well I did yield."

**hemicop** · 06-05-10, 05:58 PM

Years ago I caught a robbery/homicide suspect. While being questioned by detectives I ra a records check on him & found out he had abunch of outstanding parking tickets. When I told the detective this, the suspect overheard our conversaton & said: " Parking tickets! I Killed that M-Fer, but you ain't pinnin' that (the tickets) shit on me!"
We couldn't believe it ---own up to murder but not illegal parking??????????

**Kimble** · 06-07-10, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by hemicop

Years ago I caught a robbery/homicide suspect. While being questioned by detectives I ra a records check on him & found out he had abunch of outstanding parking tickets. When I told the detective this, the suspect overheard our conversaton & said: " Parking tickets! I Killed that M-Fer, but you ain't pinnin' that (the tickets) shit on me!"
We couldn't believe it ---own up to murder but not illegal parking??????????

LoL! That's too funny!

Speaking of spontaneous utterances, on Friday our crime scene unit (which I'm a member of) was assisting our child sex crimes unit in a search warrant of a pedophile's residence. While guarding the suspect as we were finishing the search, the suspect says to me an another agent, "My wife is just now starting to comprehend the magnitude of my betrayal." Then, in another conversation, he says he thought about getting into law enforcement in the past, but didn't because "he didn't want to deal with the scum of the earth everyday." I looked at the other agent, and both of us thought, "Like you?"

Fucker lives across the street from an elementary school, hope his indictment comes quick!

**bayern** · 06-07-10, 09:59 AM

I hate it when someone (usually a friend) comes up to me in a public aarea (usually crowed) and says "SHOOT ANYONE TODAY?"

I usually just look at my watch, and say, "got one on the bridge this morning." and walk away. You should see the faces on those around us.

**11001001** · 06-16-10, 03:13 PM

After failing the One-Leg Stand three times:

"Can I stop?"

"Yes."

"Thank goodness. I couldn't even do this if I was sober."

**mavriktu** · 06-17-10, 08:21 AM

Woman (blond

) stopped for speeding in a school zone " But officer,my child doesn't go to this school!"

**IMGreat101** · 06-17-10, 11:16 AM

I wish I could "pull over" my customers and arrest them.

**ChesCopPodz** · 06-17-10, 03:38 PM

"Come on man, don't take my weed. I paid $20 for that. I was gonna sell it for $40."

Me: "sorry, it's gotta go"

"What if I gave you $10 when I sell it?"

Me: No

**Radar** · 06-17-10, 11:31 PM

After spending an entire shift running traffic, running over the radio the cars im stoping, answering calls in my area, and just in general a very busy night, i call on the radio and tell dispatch im heading to the office for paperwork (end of shift) and the dispatcher tells me "i didnt know you were working tonight?!" seriously ive been on the radio all night and youve got what? Amnesia? I swear some of our dispatchers are dingbats.... I want to ask them if they graduated from high school sometimes.

**Trojan 42** · 06-18-10, 02:08 AM

Working on a tip off, we wait to ambush a guy going to rob a post office. He arrives wearing a copy of a UK police uniform. White shirt, black tie, epaulettes, fake mustache and a toy plastic police helmet, too small for him. We let him rob the store (undercover police officer behind counter) and grab him as he leaves.

He says '' I'm not very good at this. I only came out of prison last week from my first robbery.''