Dumbest Thing Someone has Said to You

**Tango Zulu 22** · 06-18-10, 07:18 AM

Carrying out hi vis armed patrols when a number of cash in transit vans were being robbed, myself and a colleague were stood witihn sight of a CIT van whose staff were reloading an ATM.

We're in uniform, albeit with the ballistic vest and tac vest on top, chequered band Police cap, Police badges on front and rear of vest carrying Carbine, sidearm, taser and all of the rest of the kit.

Fully liveried / battenburg'd Volly T5 patrol car parked 20m away.

Elderley chap, probably in his 60's, approaches me.

"Excuse me"
"Yes sir..."
" Can I ask who you are, walking around with guns?"
" Errr, we're Police Officers "
" Oh, ok, thank you... "

**Radar** · 06-18-10, 08:39 AM

Tz, that just gave me another one.

Here where i work, police at my agency wear all dark blue, and sheriff's deputies wear light tan shirts and green pants. We have a drunk test that goes like this:

citizen: are you a sheriff's deputy?
Officer in dark blue: haha where do you live?
Citizen: gives local address
officer: how much have you had to drink today?
Citizen: a couple beers. Hey do you work for the sheriff's department?

This works just as well when we are in our cars, sheriff vehicles have a big green stripe on the side, and say SHERIFF. Police vehicles say police and have a large blue stripe. And yet they still ask.

**CT209** · 06-21-10, 11:35 AM

As I work at a university, the most frequent dumbest thing I hear is:

"I'm a Justice and Law major (called Criminal Justice major in other univerisities), and my professor said you can't do that!"

It drives the local city PD guys crazy also.

It's usually followed by the next dumb statement:

"I'm a Justice and Law major, you just screwed my entire life up- I'll never get a job now!"

There's a sound of two rachets clicking in between those two statements.

**samurai361** · 06-22-10, 09:47 PM

I worked an aggravated assault with a recruit of mine some time back. Started out as a domestic assault, he grabbed a knife and cut her on her back (I think she did it because it was basically a scratch, but what can you do?) He left the house and went to the McDonald's where he worked. Name like Stefan or something. When I got there I saw him dip into the back and told my rookie to go the outside door and I asked the manager if "Stefan" was working. He pointed to the rear, and asked us not to make a mess. I go back to the meat cooler and find him inside, wearing uniform to include a name tag and asked him his name. He said "Mike", so I asked him why he was wearing Stefan's uniform and he was speachless. As if this wasn't the epitome of stupidity, as I am placing him in custody he asks to smoke a cigarette. He says he is wanted from Florida where he has some charges pending for dealing cocaine. Needless to say, this prompts a thorough search from my female recruit. He doesn't like how well she is getting to know him, and protests. She puts up with it and he gets worse. When I have enough, I suggest to him that since he has the right to remain silent, he should probably use it. He gets pissed off and tells me to "Shut the f*ck up! I know my rights mother f*cker. I'm a smart crinimal." And he said it like I typed it. Crinimal. I couldn't argue with his logic, so I took him to jail, where, since he had about 20 years to serve in Florida, the Commonwealth decided to Nolle Prosse his charge here so he could get a good start on it. Without a doubt, the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You just can't make this shit up.

**Five-0** · 06-22-10, 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by Tango Zulu 22

Elderley chap, probably in his 60's, approaches me.

"Excuse me"
"Yes sir..."
" Can I ask who you are, walking around with guns?"
" Errr, we're Police Officers "
" Oh, ok, thank you... "

Tell the next one you are raising money for Al-Qaeda.

**MacLean** · 06-23-10, 12:15 AM

This happens to me at least twice a week....

When a judge cancels a warrant, it's called "quashing," as in "she quashed the warrant."

I still giggle when I hear "my warrant was squashed!"

**CT209** · 06-23-10, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by maclean

This happens to me at least twice a week....

When a judge cancels a warrant, it's called "quashing," as in "she quashed the warrant."

I still giggle when I hear "my warrant was squashed!"

Is that summer squash or zucchini... or maybe butternut?

**10-42Adam** · 06-24-10, 10:55 AM

I've had some stupid reasons as to why they were speeding:

I've had a couple people blame their speed on "new tires," which makes no sense.

I had a girl the other day say she thinks she was having contractions...she looked all of 95 pounds soaking wet with a 6 pack.

**Five-0** · 06-24-10, 01:31 PM

Got a Doctor doing 93 in a 65 mile zone. Granted his driving history had plenty of over 85 mph speeding offenses. As I hand him the cite for aggravated speeding he says,

"I have been driving for 20 years and I have never had an accident" Guy is in his fifties so how he has only been driving for 20 years is a mystery.

Me: "That means you are due any day now, so how about you slow it down so when it does happen you don't crowd someone else's ER or my coroner's morgue. Drive safely."

**Jks9199** · 06-26-10, 12:28 AM

Speeders... Always like the variants on "I'm lost" or "I'm not from around here..." Wouldn't either circumstance suggest both driving SLOWER and watching the signs more carefully?

Had one guy when I was a rookie try to say that he was driving well into reckless range (I think it was in the 70s or higher) because his engine wouldn't go slower...

**Xiphos** · 06-26-10, 12:51 PM

You're not joking JKS. I recently stopped a woman with GA tags after she made a U-Turn on a red light. When I told her she said, "But I'm from Georgia!"

I asked if Georgia had red lights and she said, "Yes."

I asked if in Georgia you could drive through red lights and she said, "No."

I then wrote the ticket and she continued arguing she should get a break because she was from Georgia.

**Trojan 42** · 06-27-10, 02:45 AM

I once stopped a guy driving. I knew him and knew he was a Disqualified Driver. When I asked his details he gave me a false name. I said ''You sure? You look an awful lot like Paul Smith.'' ''No'' he replied ''Definitely Peter Jones.''

''OK, fair enough.'' says me, ''You are under arrest.''

''But I'm Peter Jones'' he whined.

I said, ''Well, if you are Peter Jones, and not Paul Smith, you'd remember you were disqualified from driving last month.''

Fancy picking the name of a mate of his who was always in more trouble than he was. Muppet.

**DeputyDuc** · 06-28-10, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by Jks9199

Speeders... Always like the variants on "I'm lost" or "I'm not from around here..." Wouldn't either circumstance suggest both driving SLOWER and watching the signs more carefully?

I stopped a guy the other night on my motor when he rolled a 4-way stop, followed by a second rolling stop a short distance later. I guess I was a bit less conspicuous being on the bike. Same crap - "But I'm lost!" to which I replied 'being lost doesn't negate traffic laws.'

**Local** · 07-10-10, 10:12 PM

As I'm clearing a call at SA, I nod to a guy making his way from the slushie machine to the register. He nods back, takes a slurp of his slushie, and asks, "This isn't considered theft, is it? I plan on paying for it, I just wanted to take a sip."

Sigh.

**Xiphos** · 07-10-10, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by Local

As I'm clearing a call at SA, I nod to a guy making his way from the slushie machine to the register. He nods back, takes a slurp of his slushie, and asks, "This isn't considered theft, is it? I plan on paying for it, I just wanted to take a sip."

Sigh.

Concealing merchandise.

**krauty** · 07-10-10, 11:43 PM

Not mine....just saw the dash cam video and thought it was pretty funny.

"Pardon me? You didn't think we gave pretty girls tickets? You're absolutely right, we don't, sign here."

**Local** · 07-10-10, 11:57 PM

"Pardon me? You didn't think we gave pretty girls tickets? You're absolutely right, we don't, sign here."

One of my favorites!

**CTR man** · 07-11-10, 01:08 AM

Originally Posted by Local

As I'm clearing a call at SA, I nod to a guy making his way from the slushie machine to the register. He nods back, takes a slurp of his slushie, and asks, "This isn't considered theft, is it? I plan on paying for it, I just wanted to take a sip."

Sigh.

We've had people busted at the PX shopette where I work for just that. They realize that we only have a certain amount of time allotted for our breaks and lunch. They usually let us slide on that, but don't you dare go back and refill your drink after you've already taken a sip and hidden cameras all over the place in there.

Especially when there is a Subway out in the dining area that allows free refills.

Not wise to commit a crime on a federal installation, either.

**ChesCopPodz** · 07-11-10, 06:07 PM

When I was in Virginia, I arrested a guy for walking in to a McDonalds with a cup, filling it, then leaving without paying. I happened to be right there so I caught him in the parking lot. He had 2 previous convictions for theft so it was a felony (stupid, I know). So I got on the radio and said that I had one in custody for a felony Coke bust.

**Local** · 07-11-10, 07:31 PM

When I was in Virginia, I arrested a guy for walking in to a McDonalds with a cup, filling it, then leaving without paying. I happened to be right there so I caught him in the parking lot. He had 2 previous convictions for theft so it was a felony (stupid, I know). So I got on the radio and said that I had one in custody for a felony Coke bust.

Bahahahaha!