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  1. #41
    Tango Zulu 22's Avatar
    Tango Zulu 22 is offline Duncopperin!
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    Carrying out hi vis armed patrols when a number of cash in transit vans were being robbed, myself and a colleague were stood witihn sight of a CIT van whose staff were reloading an ATM.

    We're in uniform, albeit with the ballistic vest and tac vest on top, chequered band Police cap, Police badges on front and rear of vest carrying Carbine, sidearm, taser and all of the rest of the kit.

    Fully liveried / battenburg'd Volly T5 patrol car parked 20m away.

    Elderley chap, probably in his 60's, approaches me.

    "Excuse me"
    "Yes sir..."
    " Can I ask who you are, walking around with guns?"
    " Errr, we're Police Officers "
    " Oh, ok, thank you... "
    A common mistake made when trying to come up with a totally foolproof design is to completely underestimate the innate ingenuity of fools.


    The last thing I want to do is hurt you but it's still there on my list of options, so are you coming quietly.........?

  2. #42
    Radar's Avatar
    Radar is offline We all bleed blue
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    Tz, that just gave me another one.

    Here where i work, police at my agency wear all dark blue, and sheriff's deputies wear light tan shirts and green pants. We have a drunk test that goes like this:

    citizen: are you a sheriff's deputy?
    Officer in dark blue: haha where do you live?
    Citizen: gives local address
    officer: how much have you had to drink today?
    Citizen: a couple beers. Hey do you work for the sheriff's department?

    This works just as well when we are in our cars, sheriff vehicles have a big green stripe on the side, and say SHERIFF. Police vehicles say police and have a large blue stripe. And yet they still ask.
    Here Speeder, Speeder, Speeder


    "Oderint dum metuant" - Caligula

    "How come you only call me when someone's dead?"

  3. #43
    CT209's Avatar
    CT209 is offline Once..... Forever
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    As I work at a university, the most frequent dumbest thing I hear is:

    "I'm a Justice and Law major (called Criminal Justice major in other univerisities), and my professor said you can't do that!"

    It drives the local city PD guys crazy also.

    It's usually followed by the next dumb statement:

    "I'm a Justice and Law major, you just screwed my entire life up- I'll never get a job now!"

    There's a sound of two rachets clicking in between those two statements.
    "When a crime is committed, liberals blame society. Conservatives blame the criminal." -Debra Saunders

    Old Scottish Motto- "nemo me impune laccessit". It still holds true today.

  4. #44
    samurai361 is offline Officer First Class
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    I worked an aggravated assault with a recruit of mine some time back. Started out as a domestic assault, he grabbed a knife and cut her on her back (I think she did it because it was basically a scratch, but what can you do?) He left the house and went to the McDonald's where he worked. Name like Stefan or something. When I got there I saw him dip into the back and told my rookie to go the outside door and I asked the manager if "Stefan" was working. He pointed to the rear, and asked us not to make a mess. I go back to the meat cooler and find him inside, wearing uniform to include a name tag and asked him his name. He said "Mike", so I asked him why he was wearing Stefan's uniform and he was speachless. As if this wasn't the epitome of stupidity, as I am placing him in custody he asks to smoke a cigarette. He says he is wanted from Florida where he has some charges pending for dealing cocaine. Needless to say, this prompts a thorough search from my female recruit. He doesn't like how well she is getting to know him, and protests. She puts up with it and he gets worse. When I have enough, I suggest to him that since he has the right to remain silent, he should probably use it. He gets pissed off and tells me to "Shut the f*ck up! I know my rights mother f*cker. I'm a smart crinimal." And he said it like I typed it. Crinimal. I couldn't argue with his logic, so I took him to jail, where, since he had about 20 years to serve in Florida, the Commonwealth decided to Nolle Prosse his charge here so he could get a good start on it. Without a doubt, the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You just can't make this shit up.

  5. #45
    Five-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tango Zulu 22 View Post
    Elderley chap, probably in his 60's, approaches me.

    "Excuse me"
    "Yes sir..."
    " Can I ask who you are, walking around with guns?"
    " Errr, we're Police Officers "
    " Oh, ok, thank you... "

    Tell the next one you are raising money for Al-Qaeda.

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

  6. #46
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
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    This happens to me at least twice a week....

    When a judge cancels a warrant, it's called "quashing," as in "she quashed the warrant."

    I still giggle when I hear "my warrant was squashed!"
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  7. #47
    CT209's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maclean View Post
    This happens to me at least twice a week....

    When a judge cancels a warrant, it's called "quashing," as in "she quashed the warrant."

    I still giggle when I hear "my warrant was squashed!"
    Is that summer squash or zucchini... or maybe butternut?
    "When a crime is committed, liberals blame society. Conservatives blame the criminal." -Debra Saunders

    Old Scottish Motto- "nemo me impune laccessit". It still holds true today.

  8. #48
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
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    I've had some stupid reasons as to why they were speeding:

    I've had a couple people blame their speed on "new tires," which makes no sense.

    I had a girl the other day say she thinks she was having contractions...she looked all of 95 pounds soaking wet with a 6 pack.
    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

  9. #49
    Five-0's Avatar
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    Got a Doctor doing 93 in a 65 mile zone. Granted his driving history had plenty of over 85 mph speeding offenses. As I hand him the cite for aggravated speeding he says,

    "I have been driving for 20 years and I have never had an accident" Guy is in his fifties so how he has only been driving for 20 years is a mystery.

    Me: "That means you are due any day now, so how about you slow it down so when it does happen you don't crowd someone else's ER or my coroner's morgue. Drive safely."

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

  10. #50
    Jks9199 is offline The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of War
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    Speeders... Always like the variants on "I'm lost" or "I'm not from around here..." Wouldn't either circumstance suggest both driving SLOWER and watching the signs more carefully?

    Had one guy when I was a rookie try to say that he was driving well into reckless range (I think it was in the 70s or higher) because his engine wouldn't go slower...
    Voting against incumbents until we get a Congress that does its job.

    TASER: almost as good as alcohol for teaching white boys to dance

    "Don't suffer from PTSD -- Go out and cause it!"
    -- Col. David Grossman, US Army, ret.

    All opinions expressed are my own and are not official statements of my employer.

  11. #51
    Xiphos's Avatar
    Xiphos is online now I Void Warranties
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    You're not joking JKS. I recently stopped a woman with GA tags after she made a U-Turn on a red light. When I told her she said, "But I'm from Georgia!"

    I asked if Georgia had red lights and she said, "Yes."

    I asked if in Georgia you could drive through red lights and she said, "No."

    I then wrote the ticket and she continued arguing she should get a break because she was from Georgia.
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

  12. #52
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    I once stopped a guy driving. I knew him and knew he was a Disqualified Driver. When I asked his details he gave me a false name. I said ''You sure? You look an awful lot like Paul Smith.'' ''No'' he replied ''Definitely Peter Jones.''

    ''OK, fair enough.'' says me, ''You are under arrest.''

    ''But I'm Peter Jones'' he whined.

    I said, ''Well, if you are Peter Jones, and not Paul Smith, you'd remember you were disqualified from driving last month.''


    Fancy picking the name of a mate of his who was always in more trouble than he was. Muppet.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  13. #53
    DeputyDuc's Avatar
    DeputyDuc is offline On a wheel
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jks9199 View Post
    Speeders... Always like the variants on "I'm lost" or "I'm not from around here..." Wouldn't either circumstance suggest both driving SLOWER and watching the signs more carefully?
    I stopped a guy the other night on my motor when he rolled a 4-way stop, followed by a second rolling stop a short distance later. I guess I was a bit less conspicuous being on the bike. Same crap - "But I'm lost!" to which I replied 'being lost doesn't negate traffic laws.'

  14. #54
    Local's Avatar
    Local is offline Alright meow, hand over your license
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    As I'm clearing a call at SA, I nod to a guy making his way from the slushie machine to the register. He nods back, takes a slurp of his slushie, and asks, "This isn't considered theft, is it? I plan on paying for it, I just wanted to take a sip."

    Sigh.
    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Local" on Officerresource.com.

  15. #55
    Xiphos's Avatar
    Xiphos is online now I Void Warranties
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    Quote Originally Posted by Local View Post
    As I'm clearing a call at SA, I nod to a guy making his way from the slushie machine to the register. He nods back, takes a slurp of his slushie, and asks, "This isn't considered theft, is it? I plan on paying for it, I just wanted to take a sip."

    Sigh.
    Concealing merchandise.
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

  16. #56
    krauty's Avatar
    krauty is offline Corporal
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    Not mine....just saw the dash cam video and thought it was pretty funny.

    "Pardon me? You didn't think we gave pretty girls tickets? You're absolutely right, we don't, sign here."

  17. #57
    Local's Avatar
    Local is offline Alright meow, hand over your license
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    "Pardon me? You didn't think we gave pretty girls tickets? You're absolutely right, we don't, sign here."
    One of my favorites!
    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Local" on Officerresource.com.

  18. #58
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
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    Quote Originally Posted by Local View Post
    As I'm clearing a call at SA, I nod to a guy making his way from the slushie machine to the register. He nods back, takes a slurp of his slushie, and asks, "This isn't considered theft, is it? I plan on paying for it, I just wanted to take a sip."

    Sigh.
    We've had people busted at the PX shopette where I work for just that. They realize that we only have a certain amount of time allotted for our breaks and lunch. They usually let us slide on that, but don't you dare go back and refill your drink after you've already taken a sip and hidden cameras all over the place in there.

    Especially when there is a Subway out in the dining area that allows free refills.

    Not wise to commit a crime on a federal installation, either.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  19. #59
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    ChesCopPodz is offline Wandering son
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    When I was in Virginia, I arrested a guy for walking in to a McDonalds with a cup, filling it, then leaving without paying. I happened to be right there so I caught him in the parking lot. He had 2 previous convictions for theft so it was a felony (stupid, I know). So I got on the radio and said that I had one in custody for a felony Coke bust.
    The world would be much cleaner if blind people carried brooms instead of sticks.

    At communion, when the priest says "Body of Christ", I say "Thanks, I've been working out", then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat

    An amateur practices until he gets it right. A professional practices until he cant get it wrong.

    They've got us surrounded? Good. Now we can fire in any direction. Those bastards won't get away this time.

  20. #60
    Local's Avatar
    Local is offline Alright meow, hand over your license
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    When I was in Virginia, I arrested a guy for walking in to a McDonalds with a cup, filling it, then leaving without paying. I happened to be right there so I caught him in the parking lot. He had 2 previous convictions for theft so it was a felony (stupid, I know). So I got on the radio and said that I had one in custody for a felony Coke bust.
    Bahahahaha!
    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Local" on Officerresource.com.

 

 
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