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  1. #1
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    BEK
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    Members Must Read

    Because of all the new liberals joining LEF all members must be made aware of new Acceptable Political Correct terms that should be used in the forums...

    A Criminal - unsavory character
    A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged
    Abortion - Near-Life Experience
    Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist
    Alive - temporarily metabolically abled.
    An Immigrant - a newcomer
    Assassination - involuntary term limitation
    Bald - comb-free
    Bald - folically independent
    Bald - follicularly challenged.
    Battle Fatigued - shellshocked
    Blind - optically darker
    Blind - photonically non-receptive
    Blind - visually challenged
    Body Odor - nondiscretionary fragrance.
    Broken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged
    Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
    Bum - Displaced Homeowner
    Bum - Homeless Person
    Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled
    Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining
    Censorship - Selective Speech
    Cheating - Academic Dishonesty
    China - Porcelain
    Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged
    Clumsy - uniquely coordinated
    Commercial Fisherman - Flipper Whipper
    Computer Illiterate - Technologically Challenged
    Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass
    Corpse / Stiff - Metabolically Challenged
    Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced
    Cowardly - Challenge Challenged
    Cowboys - bovine control officers
    Crackpot - certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist
    Crime Rate - street activity index
    Dead - Actuarially Mature
    Dead - biologically challenged
    Dead - environmentally correct human
    Dead - living impaired
    Dead - metabolically challenged
    Dead - persons living with entropy
    Deaf - Visually Oriented
    Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
    Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual
    Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer
    Dishonest - Ethically disoriented.
    Dorm - Residence Hall
    Drooling Drunk Idiot - person on floor
    Drowning - aquatically challenged
    Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged
    Drunk - spacially perplexed
    Drunk / Junkie - in recovery
    Earthquake - geological correction
    Fail - achieve a deficiency.
    Fat - Differently Weighted
    Fat - gravitationally challenged
    Fat - horizontally challenged.
    Fat - horizontally gifted
    Fat - People of Mass
    Fat - person of substance
    Fictional / Mythological - ontologically challenged
    Freshman - first-year student
    Frog - amphibian American
    Full of Crap - fecally plenary
    Gang - Youth Group
    Garbage Man - sanitation engineer
    Gas Station Attendent - petroleum transfer technician
    Geek, Nerd, whatever... - socially challenged
    Ghetto / Barrio - Ethnically Homogenous Area
    Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh
    Handicapped - Differently Abled, Handi-Capable
    Having PMS - cyclically challenged
    Hearing Person - temporarily aurally abled
    Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers
    Homeless - residentially flexible
    Homelessness - Mortgage-Free Living
    Housebroken - Family Disfunction
    Housewife - domestic engineer
    Hunter - Animal Assassin
    Hunter - Bambi Butcher
    Hunter - Meat Mercenary
    Idiot- Liberal/libertarian
    Ignorant - factually unencumbered
    Ignorant - knowledge-based nonpossessor.
    Incompetent - Differently Qualified
    Incompetent - Specially Skilled
    Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient
    Insane People - Mental Explorers
    Insane People - Selectively Perceptive
    Insult - Emotional Rape
    Janitor - sanitation engineer
    Klutz - kinesthetically challenged
    Large Nose - nasally gifted
    Lazy - motivationally dispossessed
    Lazy - motivationally deficient.
    Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
    Library - Educational Resource Center
    Logger - Wood Weasel
    Logger - Paper Pirate
    Logger -Treeslayer
    Loser - Second Place
    Loser - uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path
    Man-hole - maintenance hole
    Mankind - humankind
    MANkind, HuMAN, PerSON - Earth Children
    Mercy Killing - Euthanasia
    Mercy Killing - Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery
    Messy - differently organized
    Meter Maid - Parking enforcer
    Midget / Dwarf - Little People
    Midget / Dwarf - Vertically Challenged
    Mute/Dumb - verbally challenged
    Not with somebody at the moment - romantically challenged -
    Off - energy-efficient
    Old - chronologically gifted
    Old Person / Elderly - Gerontologically Advanced
    Old Person / Elderly - Senior Citizens
    Panhandler - Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.
    Paper Bag - processed tree carcass
    Perverted - Sexually dysfunctional.
    Pimp-mobile / Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option
    Plagiarism - Previously Owned Prose
    Po' - financially inept
    Policeman, Policewoman - law inforcement officer
    Poor - economically marginalized
    Poor - Economically Unprepared
    Poor - monetarily challenged
    Postman - letter carrier
    Pregnant - parasitically oppressed.
    Prisoner - client of the correctional system
    Prostitute - sex care provider
    Psychobabble - constructivist feminist psychotherapy
    Psychopath - socially misaligned
    Racist - genetically discriminating
    Really Big Nosed - nasally disadvantaged
    Redneck - person of region
    Redneck - rustically inclined
    Refugees - asylum seekers
    Road Kill - Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form
    Rudeness - Tact Avoidance
    Runny Nose - nasally gifted
    Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim
    Serial-Killer - Person with difficult-to-meet needs.
    Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist
    Short - vertically challenged
    Sighted Person - temporarily visually abled
    Slum - Economic Oppression Zone
    Slut - suffering from a sex addiction (female)
    Someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone - morally handicapped
    Spendthrift - negative saver.
    Stained - creatively re-dyed
    Steward, Stewardess - flight attendant
    Stoned - Chemically inconvenienced.
    Stud - suffering from a sex addiction (male)
    Stupid - differently-brained
    Stupid - intellectually impaired
    The Elderly - Senior citizens
    Thin - horizontally challenged
    Thirsty - osmotically challenged
    Tone Deaf - musically delayed
    Too old/young - other aged
    Too Tall - people of height
    Tree-Hugger - environmental activist
    Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units
    Ugly - aesthetically challenged
    Ugly - Cosmetically different.
    Ugly - facially challenged
    Unemployed - Involuntarily leisured.
    Used Books - Recycled Books
    Vagrant - Nonspecifically destinationed individual.
    Vegetable - noble unconscious hero
    Vice President - Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World
    Vocal Minority - target equity group
    Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices
    Waiter, Waitress - food server
    War-Monger - Peacekeeper, patriot
    Welfare Bum - economically disadvantaged
    Whaler - Blubber Lover
    White - melanin-impoverished
    White American - racially challenged
    White Boy - rhythmically challenged
    White Trash - caucasian culturally-disadvantaged
    Wife - unpaid sex slave
    Worst - least best.
    Wrong - differently logical.


  2. #2
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    BEK
    BEK is offline Lieutenant
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    Politically Correct Terms For Females:
    Her breasts will never sag, they will lose their vertical hold.
    She does not get drunk, she is accidentally over served or she becomes verbally dyslexic.
    She does not get PMS, she becomes hormonally homicidal.
    She does not hate sports on TV, she is athletically biased.
    She does not have a great butt, she is gluteus to the maximus.
    She does not have a hard body, she is anatomically inflexible.
    She does not have a killer body, she is terminally attractive.
    She does not have big hair, she is overly aerosoled.
    She does not have big hooters, her cups runneth over.
    She does not have great cleavage or a great rack, her breasts are centrally located.
    She does not have sexy lips, she is collagen dependent.
    She does not shave her legs, she experiences temporary stubble reduction.
    She does not shop too much, she is overly susceptible to marketing ploys.
    She does not snore, she is nasally repetitive.
    She does not sun bathe, she experiences solar enhancement.
    She does not wear too much makeup, she is cosmetically oversaturated.
    She does not work out too much, she is an abdominal overachiever.
    She does not: Get Drunk, She becomes Verbally Dyslexic
    She is not a bad cook, she is microwave compatible.
    She is not a bad driver, she is automotively challenged.
    She is not A Gossip, She is a Verbal Terminator
    She is not a gossip, she is a verbal terminator.
    She is not a Perfect 10, she is numerically superior.
    She is not cold or frigid, she is thermally incompatible.
    She is not easy, she is horizontally accessible.
    She is not hooked on soap operas, she is melodramatically fixated.
    She is not too skinny, she is skeletally prominent.
    She will never gain weight, she will become a metabolic underachiever.
    You do not ask her to dance, you request a precoital rhythmic experience.



    Politically Correct Terms For Males:
    He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
    He does not: Hog the blankets He is: Thermally unappreciative
    He is not: Unsophisticated He is: Socially malformed
    He does not: Eat like a pig He suffers from: Reverse bulimia
    He is not: A sex machine He is: Romantically automated
    He is not a: Male chauvinist pig He has: Swine empathy
    He is not: Quiet He is a: Conversational minimalist
    You do not: Undress him with your eyes You have a: Introspective pornographic moment
    He is not: Afraid of commitment He is: Monogamously challenged
    He does not have a: Fabulous rear end He has achieved: Buttocks perfection
    He is not: Stupid He suffers from: Minimal cranial development
    He does not: Get lost all the time He discovers: Alternative destinations
    He is not: Balding He is in: Follicle regression
    You do not: Buy him a drink You initiate an: Alcohol-For-Conversation exchange
    He does not: Fart and belch He is: Gastronomically expressive
    His jeans are not: Too tight He is: Anatomically under circulated
    He is not a: Redneck He is a: Genetically-related American
    You do not: Kiss him You become: Facially conjoined
    He is not a: Cradle robber He prefers: Generationally differential relationships
    He does not get: Falling down drunk He becomes: Accidentally horizontal
    He does not: Act like a total jerk He develops a: Case of rectal-cranial inversion
    He is not: Short He is: Anatomically compact
    He does not have a: Rich daddy He is a: Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion
    He does not: Constantly talk about cars He has a: Vehicular addiction
    He does not have a: Hot body He is: Physically combustible

    Politically Correct Phrases For Students:
    No one fails a class any more, he's merely "passing impaired."
    You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
    Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
    These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
    Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
    Kids don't get grounded any more. They merely "hit social speed bumps."
    Your homework isn't missing, it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
    You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
    You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
    You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
    You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
    No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
    You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
    You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
    You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
    It's not called gossip any more. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
    The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."


  3. #3
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    BEK
    BEK is offline Lieutenant
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    Politically Correct Seasons Greetings:
    Christmas Thoughts

    Please accept with no obligation,
    implied or implicit our best wishes for
    an environmentally conscious,
    socially responsible, low stress,
    non-addictive, gender neutral,
    celebration of the winter solstice
    holiday, practiced within the most
    enjoyable traditions of the religious
    persuasion of your choice, or secular
    practices of your choice, with respect
    for the religious/secular persuasions
    and/or traditions of others, or their
    choice not to practice religious or
    secular traditions at all ...

    and a fiscally successful,
    personally fulfilling, and medically
    uncomplicated recognition of the onset
    of the generally accepted calendar
    year _______, but not without due respect
    for the calendars of choice of other
    cultures whose contributions to
    society have helped make America great,
    (not to imply that America is necessarily
    greater than any other country or is
    the only "AMERICA" in the western
    hemisphere), and without regard to the
    race, creed, color, age, physical ability,
    religious faith, choice of computer platform,
    or sexual preference of the wishee.

    - DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTABILITY -

    (By accepting this greeting,
    you are accepting these terms.
    This greeting is subject to
    clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
    transferable with no alteration to the
    original greeting. It implies no
    promise by the wisher to actually
    implement any of the wishes for
    her/himself or others, and is
    void where prohibited by law, and is
    revocable at the sole discretion of
    the wisher. This wish is warranted
    to perform as expected within the
    usual application of good tidings
    for a period of one year, or until the
    issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,
    whichever comes first, and warranty is
    limited to replacement of this wish
    or issuance of a new wish at the
    sole discretion of the wisher.)




    'Twas The (Politically Correct)
    Night Before Christmas:
    'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
    How to live in a world that's politically correct?
    His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
    "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
    And labor conditions at the north pole
    Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

    Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
    Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
    And equal employment had made it quite clear
    That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

    So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
    Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

    The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
    The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
    And people had started to call for the cops
    When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

    Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
    His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

    And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
    Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
    And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
    Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

    So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
    Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
    Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
    Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

    And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
    That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
    Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
    Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

    Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
    Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
    Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
    Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

    Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
    Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

    No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
    Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
    And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
    Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

    For they raised the hackles of those psychological
    Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

    No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
    Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
    Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
    And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

    So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
    He just could not figure out what to do next.

    He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
    you've got to be careful with that word today.
    His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
    Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

    Something special was needed, a gift that he might
    Give to all without angering the left or the right.
    A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
    Each group of people, every religion;

    Every ethnicity, every hue,
    Everyone, everywhere...even you.
    So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
    "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."


  4. #4
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Copied and saved; I think Iím going to need all the help I can get in the future here.

    THANKS!

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  5. #5
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Damnit, I may as well throw in the towel now. I can barely handle calling morons "dimwits".
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  6. #6
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    Crimebytes2 is offline Banned
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    Okay, I've read it. Now what am I suppose to do?

  7. #7
    lynnz05's Avatar
    lynnz05 is offline Corporal
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    Wait for the flood of the liberals....
    What I say is my opinion, not my employers or that of my academic institution.

 

 

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