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  1. #1
    nitestokker's Avatar
    nitestokker is offline Banned
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    Send This To Your Elected Officials

    If you really care about the immigration issue and how corrupt our government has become, send a copy of this to all your elected officials. Send it by land-mail, because e-mail spam filters will delete it before it gets there.

    Application to become an illegal alien:

    Dear Elected Official,

    As a native Coloradoan(or whatever state) and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

    I also understand that I can be employed by a local businessman who pays me cash under the table and therefore, I do not have to worry about withholdings. And furthermore, local and state law enforcement officers are not allowed to enforce Federal Immigration Laws, thereby ensuring that I will not be deported.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative and I promise to vote for you as many times as you wish. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,
    (and hopefully and illegal one)
    Last edited by nitestokker; 12-07-06 at 02:05 PM.

  2. #2
    phoenixrose's Avatar
    phoenixrose is offline Firebrand
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    I LOVE it!
    I'm sending it to every friggin' person I know.

    LOL...very nice.
    phoenixrose
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    If the sex scene doesn't make you want to do it - whatever it is they're doing - it hasn't been written right.~~~Sloan Wilson
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "WHAT canary?"

  3. #3
    Coloradocop's Avatar
    Coloradocop is offline It's the PoPo
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    I think I'll print it and hang it on the wall at the station... Then they'll open an IA case on me for not being "kindler and gentler"

  4. #4
    Welpe's Avatar
    Welpe is offline Wannabe NFL Ref
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coloradocop View Post
    I think I'll print it and hang it on the wall at the station... Then they'll open an IA case on me for not being "kindler and gentler"
    That's why you wear gloves when handling the paper and make sure no cameras are watching you.
    "To the German commander: 'Nuts!' The American Commander" - General Tony McAuliffe, 101st Airborne Division

 

 

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