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  1. #1
    TheeBadOne's Avatar
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    When A Cop Cries

    Ask yourself...When was the last time you saw a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. Our job is to be strong, when others are weak...stay in control, when the situation is chaos...show no emotion, when others are emotional. And we do that, to the very best of our ability. But, there is a down side. No one sees us cry. No one believes we hurt. We are thought of as unfeeling, unloving, unforgiving. That is how we are expected to get the job done...and we do...but we feel it. We live it. We breathe it. And sometimes the pain is unimaginable.

    Ask yourself...When was the last time you saw a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. We wait until we are alone. Usually at home, in the middle of the night, unable to sleep for the sights we saw, and the things we heard that very day. And the tears slip down our cheeks...unchecked...silent. We question God, "why?", sometimes we even argue with God...but most of all we pray. We pray for strength to make it through. We pray for the people who have touched our hearts, and have no idea that we are even hurting for them.

    Ask yourself...When was the last time you saw a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. We even hide it from our partners...because deep down we know they cry too. Even the biggest, toughest, coldest "man" cop is reduced to tears when he has to find, report, or photograph the children. Of course, he has to hold it in until he is alone...and by that time the hurt has eaten through his stomach, and the pain lives in his heart. The day he dreads the most is the day he has to testify...because he has to relive it all again...it's no wonder alcoholism is so high among police officers...anything...anything ...to erase the pain...that always returns in the morning.

    Ask yourself...When was the last time you saw a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. Sometimes it happens right there out on the street, but people are too caught up in their own situation to even notice. Night shift...shots fired...the red and blue seem to reflect off the darkness as he drives faster and faster...can't even hear the sirens wailing for the beating of his own heart...afraid of what he will find when he arrives. Seconds later, the first to arrive, and his fears are confirmed. A teenager...still a child really...lays bleeding in the middle of the street. He calls for the ambulance, runs to his side, and kneels down in the blood so that he can lift the boy's body into his arms. He recognizes his face, because he has dealt with him before...agonized over him before...tried to get him to 'get out of that life'. The boy says, "I'm dying, arn't I". He hugs his body close as the tears run down his face unchecked. "No!" It's almost a violent scream into the night...but deep down he knows...and he does the cop thing; "Who did this to you?", "Hold on...help is coming!"...but the boy dies in his arms. A cop cried much that night. Cried at the scene, cried in the car, cried in the station, cried in his bed. Regret floods the cops mind; as he shoulders the blame. "Why didn't I try harder?", "Why couldn't I make him choose to leave that life?", "Why didn't I pray with him before he died?" He even cries out to God on the boy's behalf..."Have mercy on him oh Lord, and forgive me my shortcomings in this situation". When a cop cries, it is the highest form of intercession...it comes wrenching out of an aching heart that Jesus lives in...so the Lord cannot help but notice.

    Ask yourself. When was the last time you saw a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. The photographs of the dead infant sicken her stomach. The write up in the newspaper makes her head swim and she wants to scream. How can they write about it...when she can barely open the case file? The hurt is so intense that the tears cannot fall. It is a pain so deep, and so real, that it actually numbs part of her brain, and it forgets to register the tears. The pain inside is so intense she wants to run away from it...but that won't help the children this man may run into in the future...so she endures it...for them. She knows she is not supposed to judge, that is only for God...but her voice, her heart, her very spirit all cry out for justice...and at the same time she knows...all the justice in the world will not bring the child back. But she cries out for it anyway. At the scene, when he is arrested; In the court, when he is arraigned; And in the night, when she knows God is listening...she cries out for God to bring justice...in His way...for the spilled blood of the innocent. Through all the anger, the pent up hurt...finally...the tears come...and she prays God counts every one for that child. It's no wonder the divorce rate among police officers is so high. Who can live with the long hours, late nights, nightmares, and anxiety...when she can barely live with it herself.

    Ask yourself. When was the last time you seen a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. Usually you see us laugh. You see us joke. We have non-chalance down to a science. It is a way to deal with the pain until we can be alone with our emotions. Sure, we don't have episodes like these everyday. But the trauma carries over into the next day...When you have to give somebody a ticket for speeding, and they call you a Pig. Tell you, they pay your salary, and basically don't even notice that you probably saved them from a horrendous accident that could have killed the baby strapped in the back seat. They ask why you arn't out there doing your job, catching 'real' criminals, when they have no idea the number of childen, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, grandmothers, grandfathers, sons, daughters...that are dead because of speed related crashes. They don't understand that you give them the ticket because you cannot bear to see them, or their family, unconcious, hurt or
    bleeding to death on the street. That you cannot bear to see the crumpled body of a child that was merely running out to get their ball, and they were unable to stop in time. No they go on with their lives, mad about their ticket, and don't realize how their words cut to your very soul, because you know...in a second...you would die in their place if they needed you. They don't even realize that a traffic stop is the most dangerous call a cop ever has to go on, and that you are standing there alone, with no back up, because the City won't hire more officers... No, they go on their way...and you go back to your cruiser, take a deep breath, and ask God to forgive you for the things you were thinking about them. Again, shouldering the blame for their actions.

    Ask yourself. When was the last time you saw a cop cry? Did you ever? It is a very rare thing indeed. But if you look close, and pay attention, you may catch it. I was cruising the streets today. It was raining, and the shift was feeling long and unbearable. I looked at the clock...close to quitting time. I thought about my children, my husband who had to come out and do this next shift. God I miss them. I ask Him to watch over them, and bless them. It's a strange feeling, wanting to be out there to protect people I don't even know, and having to rely on God for the protection of my family. They're in good hands though. I trust God. I almost don't see the woman walking down the street. She is so thin and frail...must be in her 90's. She is clutching a brown paper bag, and her body is bent into the rain. There are many cars on the road, but none stop to offer her a ride. I cannot bear it. I turn the cruiser around and pull alongside her. "Would you like a ride?" At first she refuses, but I smile at her and ask her if she isn't cold in that rain. She seems undecided, and I realize she doesn't want to take me away from what must be my "busy job". "I'm going in the same direction" I assure her, and she relents and climbs in. The drive is short...only a block and a half, but to her, on foot, it must seem like miles. She walked all the way to the store for her cigarettes she says. We make small talk for the few seconds it takes to drive down the street, then she gets out. She immediately turns back to me in the car before shutting the door and says, "God Bless You". I am astounded...she cannot realize how much those words mean to me. I mumble thank you, and drive off embarrassed and humbled that she thinks God should bless me, when I was just doing my job...and I realize...God has blessed me. I get to stand on the watchtower everyday. He gives me the words to encourage others, the strength to fight and protect, and the peace to make it through the rough times. I remember the family I have to go home too. I realize my blessings every day I see others in need. He gives me the responsiblity to help those who don't even know they are in need of help...and he gives me the kind words of a stranger when I least expect it, and need it most.

    As I drove away, the tears streamed down my face. I didn't have to worry, it was raining, and everyone was to busy to notice that the tears on my face were not a trick of the rain on the windshield. Even if they thought they were sure I could've been crying, the smile on my face surely would throw them off. Next time you see a cop...or even get a ticket...Ask Yourself? Did this cop ever cry? I assure you they did...they do...and they will again. But if you ever get to see it...cherish it...it is a very rare thing indeed.

    "There is no greater love, than one man who lays down his life for another" -Jesus
    "When I'm driving along and I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN AHEAD,
    I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children"!

  2. #2
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    i've seen multiple cops cry.

    awesome read.

  3. #3
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    I choked up just the other night. I was speaking to a Driver's Ed. class. I told them about an accident I had when I was 18 that killed my best friend and his 3-year-old daughter. Almost 35 years later, and I still live with the guilt.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    Roses's Avatar
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    Great read!

    Worth Reading!

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

  5. #5
    General Patten's Avatar
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    good thread, TBO

    sorry about your accident, keith. best wishes...
    Lead is very hazardous to your health.
    Always include Kevlar in your daily diet.

    "I always believe in being prepared, even when I'm dressed in white tie and tails."
    - Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.

  6. #6
    Jackalope's Avatar
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    I try my damnedest not to cry ever. But going to ODMP and reading the reflections written by people who knew the downed officers always gets me choked up.
    "I'm not a coward,
    I've just never been tested
    I'd like to think that if I was,
    I would pass"
    ~Mighty Mighty Bosstones~

  7. #7
    cwtlady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jackalope View Post
    But going to ODMP and reading the reflections written by people who knew the downed officers always gets me choked up.
    Same here. I can't sit there and read the reflections without crying.

    Thanks for posting that.

    Police Officers put themselves at risk for strangers every day. Some do not make it home to their families. Next time you think of saying something negative about the police, remember...YOU are one of the strangers.

  8. #8
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    good post!!!! and its very true
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper

    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan

    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)

    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  9. #9
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Thank you.
    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  10. #10
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
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    Thank you, TBO! Thank you to all of you for what you do. You are never forgotten!

  11. #11
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by keith758 View Post
    I choked up just the other night. I was speaking to a Driver's Ed. class. I told them about an accident I had when I was 18 that killed my best friend and his 3-year-old daughter. Almost 35 years later, and I still live with the guilt.
    I'm so sorry to hear this, keith. We love you!

  12. #12
    Retmilleo909 is offline Banned
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    Excellent post...If a Cop or any LEO doesn't cry when he/she sees a mangled and bleeding baby in a carseat, or one thats charred in a crib, then he or she is too hard hearted and callous for the job.

  13. #13
    Bosco3379's Avatar
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    I am at a loss of words. Excellent post, TBO. Thank you for posting it.
    Former member of the LNC

    Will take verbal abuse for spare change

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  14. #14
    HardNoseBull's Avatar
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    Great JOB!!
    Giggity giggity Goo!

    Glen Quagmire,Family Guy, Pick any Episode

  15. #15
    E-man's Avatar
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    Nothing more, nothing less then beautiful and true.
    A monday morning lunatic, disturbed from time to time. Temporary catatonic madman on occasion..

    Lightning crashes a new mother cries, her placenta falls to the floor. The angel opens her eyes,the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door..
    The views and comments of E-man are mine and mine alone and therefore might not reflect the views of others or people in my current department. As such since this is still America I can post what I want without fear of retribution. I think.

    RIP Eric

  16. #16
    eMachine's Avatar
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    Excellent post!!

    I was just talking about this the other day when speaking to a psychologist who helps new female Officers with the adjustment to a male dominated occupation. She couldn't understand that it is taboo to cry in public at the terrible things we see as Officers. We are masters at suppressing our feelings. Our job is to be able to function no matter what ... even on scene of a fallen Officer we must function. Its hard, so very hard....and it eats at you.

    We do cry but we do so alone, most of the time. I have cried over what I have seen. Sometimes we hold the unofficial 'remembrance' party or console one another after work and yes Police drink way too much ... its to numb the feelings. Our coping mechanisms kinda suck but its all we have.

    We are human after all. Yes, I have seen Officers cry, grown men, grown women, Police, Sergeants, Lieutenants, and Majors.

    Thanks again for the great post. Words to ponder.
    Last edited by eMachine; 12-10-06 at 05:14 AM.
    "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." - Gener Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (original)

  17. #17
    markw76's Avatar
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    The last time I went to an officer's funeral. Darn near everybody.
    "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible actions." ~ George Washington.

    A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers.

  18. #18
    Buttercup's Avatar
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    That is a beautiful post, TBO.



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