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  1. #1
    Blueline32's Avatar
    Blueline32 is offline Officer First Class
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    Married or Not....Added Stress or Not?

    This thread is to find out if I am the only one that is overly stressed by being married and being a cop. I love my wife and children but there is constant stress in my house. Usually it is about money (you know I took this job for the money too. Am I the only one that faces this damn near everyday???
    The day you are born is the day you start to die.

    Sometimes there is JUSTICE. Sometimes there is JUST US!!!


    The opinions expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council (not that I give a flying dog shit about these people), or any member of my department.

  2. #2
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
    Crimebytes2 is offline Banned
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    I'm not a cop, but it's still stressful in my house. I wonder if it has anything to do with CRC (CopsRCool for the newbies)?

  3. #3
    Pudge's Avatar
    Pudge is online now Site Admin
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    You're not alone man. I've been there. Just happen to be in a good period right now. Knockin on wood and hopin it stays that way!
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    The opinions given in my posts & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Pudge" on Officerresource.com

  4. #4
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Yeah. I feel ya.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  5. #5
    Blueline32's Avatar
    Blueline32 is offline Officer First Class
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    You know I think it is because we go to work and deal with everyone elses problems no matter how big or small and when we go home our better halves that are not LEO's dont understand that cool down period that is needed. Or maybe that is just my problems. As long as I am not alone in this then I know I dont need to go see a shrink.
    The day you are born is the day you start to die.

    Sometimes there is JUSTICE. Sometimes there is JUST US!!!


    The opinions expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council (not that I give a flying dog shit about these people), or any member of my department.

  6. #6
    E-man's Avatar
    E-man is offline No bird but dog and 3 cats
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    Blueline, you are NOT alone. Get it NOT ALONE. EVERY single cop in this country and probably everywhere in the world deal with like you said EVERY ONE ELSES CRAP. I tell people that the job is based in negativity, sadness, grief, bad shit. NO ONE calls the police when Johnny or Susie come home with an A on their report card, OH NO they call when they come home with a bag of dope or cigarettes or a condom {Iam watching Friday Night Lights and the coaches daughters boyfriend was seen buying condoms She is only 15}
    Our job is one of the most stressful out there, next to air traffic controllers.

    The biggest thing to remember is A- you are not aloine in that feeling and B- HOW DO YOU HANDLE IT?
    Stress is good, stress is healthy BUT drinking it away or beating the wife and kids due to your failure to manage that stress is bad...

    WOW, I said a lot huh? No, your not alone, your ok actually that you even recognize stress.
    A monday morning lunatic, disturbed from time to time. Temporary catatonic madman on occasion..

    Lightning crashes a new mother cries, her placenta falls to the floor. The angel opens her eyes,the confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door..
    The views and comments of E-man are mine and mine alone and therefore might not reflect the views of others or people in my current department. As such since this is still America I can post what I want without fear of retribution. I think.

    RIP Eric

  7. #7
    Beans's Avatar
    Beans is offline Street Cop
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    My marriage has nearly fell apart several times. My wife HATES my job. Complains about it everyday. You have to learn to cope. We are broke, have another kid on the way. It sucks. But we get by.
    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Beans" on LEF.

  8. #8
    Gatekeeper's Avatar
    Gatekeeper is offline Enjoy your stay
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    I'm too new to the job to add anything productive here, but I can tell you the money has caused added stress. Hell we picked up almost $1,300 per month in expenses just for daycare and gas so I could start working again. It is tuff to go from almost a grand a week (before my business tanked) to about $900 every two weeks. I hope my family will be content living within our new budget, because I can't imagine doing anything else.
    I guess with that last statement, my answer would be YES more stress as I try to provide what the family needs on a shoe string budget.

  9. #9
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Well, I'm a single Mom, but I can relate to the stress over money, and working changing shifts, and eating crap fast-food instead of healthy home-made.

    Hang in there.
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  10. #10
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    I think it's super emphasized with cops, but any job that involves dealing with the general public puts added stress in a marriage. Best answer I can give as to why is that is that people suck. They're mean, rude, nasty, and all around horrible. Most are stupid and those that aren't choose to be ignorant instead. They're spoiled and would be better off neutered, then shot. Bluntly, they're a waste of the planets resources. Sadly, we have to deal with them instead. So we deal with assholes all day long, then come home to find that Junior's been pulling Missy's hair all day, the baby is teething, the kitchen sink exploded and the dog's got diahrea from getting into last night's leftovers. And to top it off, your libido's taking a vacation, and that pisses the spouse off.

    Did I mention that I hate people?
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  11. #11
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    Best answer I can give as to why is that is that people suck. They're mean, rude, nasty, and all around horrible. Most are stupid and those that aren't choose to be ignorant instead. They're spoiled and would be better off neutered, then shot. Bluntly, they're a waste of the planets resources.
    +infinity
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  12. #12
    Blueline32's Avatar
    Blueline32 is offline Officer First Class
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    PDawg it isnt the Fast food heaven knows I would rather eat that then the stuff my wife says she "cooks". A big Mac a day keeps the spare tire away for me atleast I love having a high metabolism.

    as far as the libido thing mine is fine. havent lost a step actually it is too strong at times and I find myself with wondering eyes. you knwo window shopping but not going in the store.
    The day you are born is the day you start to die.

    Sometimes there is JUSTICE. Sometimes there is JUST US!!!


    The opinions expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council (not that I give a flying dog shit about these people), or any member of my department.

  13. #13
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    Don't hold back ducky, say it like you mean it.
    Blue you've known my wife and I for a few years now. You know it is no picnic over here. I can be very distant and non involved and my wife is hard to get along with sometimes. The trick (if there is one) is communication. I tell my wife if it's been a bad day and I ask for breathing room. After John shot that perp I couldn't sleep for a week. The death threats aren't helping either. So I just let her know what was going on. Also a date night once or twice a month really helps. We usually go to Coffee Call. Tank (another cop friend for those just reading along) always wondered how did we raise 7 kids on one salary. I told him there was no trick. We did without. (not the kids) We didn't go out, we didn't eat out, I didn't buy toys (and I mean nothing) and my wife didn't get to shop or anything else. It was tough. Now that the two older niece and nephew are back with their parents we are a few kids shy so that helps with the money and Dawn works. This vacation we're going on has been saved for for years. (coins in a kentwood water bottle) Open up the communication and talk about it alone. See what happens. Good luck. It ain't easy.
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  14. #14
    BEK's Avatar
    BEK
    BEK is offline Lieutenant
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  15. #15
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
    Crimebytes2 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by BEK320 View Post
    You beat me to it, BEK! The following site offers an in-depth study of the book (don't let the name of the site confuse you).

    http://www.iloveafirefighter.com/work2.htm

  16. #16
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    The only problems we have stem from me being a fat, loud, obnoxious, opinionated, mean, ultraconservative, deadly old fart.


    ps: must be the 23 years Army.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  17. #17
    Blueline32's Avatar
    Blueline32 is offline Officer First Class
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    I already bought her that book. And now she knows too much about my job and is too inquisitive.
    The day you are born is the day you start to die.

    Sometimes there is JUSTICE. Sometimes there is JUST US!!!


    The opinions expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council (not that I give a flying dog shit about these people), or any member of my department.

  18. #18
    Jks9199 is offline The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of War
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    I decline to answer because my wife is sitting right behind me...

    (which is probably an answer in and of itself!)

    But... as much as there are extra stresses by being married, they're good and bad. The good include stronger reasons to get home safely, make better decisions so that my job isn't jeopardized, and a few more things that make me a better officer... But it's also meant that I have to deal with another person's crap every day, that I have to deal with not being able to find things I knew where they were and a lot more.

    One final thought... At the end of the day -- I know someone's waiting for me to come home, and will be there for me, no matter what. That's a big plus!

  19. #19
    Jackalope's Avatar
    Jackalope is offline Yell O
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    While I'm sure being a cop adds a ton of stress to your marriage, the problems you describe are not exclusive to cop marriages. In addition to the book BEK suggested, I suggest The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. It has nothing to do with law enforcement, but it is a lot of great advice for keeping your marriage happy. Read it with your wife, it's for both of you.

    And since you mentioned money, you may want to consider moving to a place where cops get paid more. I understand that in some parts of the country cops often have to have second jobs just to make ends meet. Up here in the northwest (Oregon especially), law enforcement jobs are hard to come by. But the jobs that are available pay very well. And since you're already certified, you'd have a much easier time getting a job. None of the cops in my area work second jobs.

    Don't forget to use Sperling's Best Places to compare the cost of living between your town and anyplace you'd consider moving. That way you can see how much more or less you'd actually make if you did move.
    "I'm not a coward,
    I've just never been tested
    I'd like to think that if I was,
    I would pass"
    ~Mighty Mighty Bosstones~

  20. #20
    Terminator's Avatar
    Terminator is offline BANNED
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    My marriage is on it's last leg (wait, I'm not married yet)...

 

 
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