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Thread: Funny Prison Stories.
03-14-07, 09:51 AM #1
Funny Prison Stories.
This Story may offend some people. So if you have a weak stomach or are easily offended. DON'T Read any further.
Crooney a Friend of mine reminded me of this story. It's about Shit (as in Human Feces).
Before I start I need to explain some things. Mountjoy Prison is 157 yrs old and has NO in cell sanitation. At night after Lock Up inmates have to use steel chamber pots to go to the Toilet in.
The Story begins in Nov/Dec 2005. I was night duty on C1/C2 landings. As I was doing my checks on C2 I heard a lot of shouting coming from C1. So I go down to see what is going on. Now C1 is unique as it has 4 man cells. It was from one of these cells that all the shouting was coming from.
I Switched on the light and asked what the problem was. I was answered by this begging pleading Voice "Officer can I get out to use the Toilet". Now it was 3:30am And I had no Intention of Getting the Master Keys and opening up unless it was a Matter of Life and Death. So I tell him "Not a Chance." So I carried on with my rounds. About 1/2 hour later The shouting started up again but this time much louder. So I go to tell them to shut up but as I near the Cell I am met with the most Horrendous stench. I can hear the other 3 inmates in the Cell Shouting threats and abuse at the fourth one who was replying in the most feeble pleading voice " I can't help it oh God" (Fart, Gurgle, Splat). I am sorry guys (Fart Gurgle splat). Unbeknown'st to me at this time He had filled the 4 chamber pots in the Cell and was using a plastic bag in a bucket. So when I looked into the cell All I could see was the 3 other inmates gathered around the 2 windows in the Cell gasping for air. One of the was saying " You had better stop shitting or I'll F***ing Kill You. I'd do it now but I can't leave the F***ing window because of your F***ing smell. We are F***ing freezing to death because of you and your Shit.
I have to say that I just short of rolling on the floor laughing. I went back to Circle to tell the other lads what was going on. So they went to have a l look but couldn't stay more than a few seconds due to the stench. Now We were getting the smell coming through a 3" thick door. So I can only imagine what it was like for them inside the cell.
What had happened was that this particular inmate had been suffering from constipation for over a week so the Medics had given him an extra powerful laxative but it hadn't kicked in until the early hours of the morning.
03-14-07, 10:11 AM #2
Hahaha, must have been a shitty night for his roommatesAlpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
03-14-07, 11:30 AM #3
We are the thin blue line
and all the money in the world.
And no you can't have any.
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