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  1. #1
    BEK's Avatar
    BEK
    BEK is offline Lieutenant
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    SignalW's Southernisms

    This post is for you WILL and your goofy southern brothers and sisters.

    1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, --
    you "PITCH" them.

    2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

    3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

    4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

    5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

    6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
    They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

    7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

    8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

    9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

    10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

    11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

    12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

    13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

    14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

    15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

    16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

    17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

    18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

    19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

    20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.


  2. #2
    Rhino's Avatar
    Rhino is offline Meat-eater & Fire-breather
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    I now have a hankerin' for some country fried steak, gravy, cornbread, and a mess o' greens.
    "If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking." -Gen. George S. Patton

  3. #3
    Cidp24's Avatar
    Cidp24 is offline Tempus Fugit
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    What about the use of "trying to", example being "How you doin?" "Man I dont feel so good, think I'm try'n to catch a cold." Even though I use "trying to" this way I still think it's funny. Why would anyone "try" to catch a cold?
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  4. #4
    Ducky's Avatar
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    I've lived in the south since '82 and have never heard milk called "sweet milk"

    However, "Mash" wasn't on that list, and it's not just for mashed potatoes or whiskey mash, it's also used in place of "push" in reference to buttons. As in "mash that button to turn on the tv"
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  5. #5
    Dudleydoright's Avatar
    Dudleydoright is offline Officer First Class
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    Ok BEK I'm worried. Even though I'm north of Memphis I understand all the southernisms. But heck now maybe we can tell some "Ole and Lena" jokes????????

    Signed caught in between.

  6. #6
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    The scariest part about this post is just how terribly true it is...

    and how one who lives down here can read it and self-actualize.

    Well, 'bless your heart', BEK.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  7. #7
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    Ducky, we don't say "sweet milk" anymore, but my Grandpa use to say it all the time. I think it is a old folks term.

  8. #8
    BEK's Avatar
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    BEK is offline Lieutenant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dudleydoright View Post
    Ok BEK I'm worried. Even though I'm north of Memphis I understand all the southernisms. But heck now maybe we can tell some "Ole and Lena" jokes????????
    Signed caught in between.
    BRING IT ON
    One night, a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.
    Mrs. Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Lena, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Johnson noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house.
    Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house.
    Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see dat der baseball cap a floatin' away from da house, den back again?"
    Lena said, "Oh yeah, dats my husband Ole; I tole dat lazy-such and such he vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!!


    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena Said, "Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

    Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away.
    "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
    Ole replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
    "Can you spell that for me?" the operator asked.
    There was a long pause and finally Ole said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"


    Ole and Lena was at the kitchen table for the usual morning cup of coffee and listening to a weather report coming from the radio.
    "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. All vehicles should be parked on the odd-numbered side of the streets today to facilitate snowplows," the radio voice declared.
    "Oh, gosh, OK," said Ole, getting up, bundling up and heading outside to dutifully put his car on the odd-numbered side of the street.
    Two days later, Ole and Lena were at morning coffee when the radio voice said:
    "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your vehicles on the even-numbered side of the streets."
    Ole got up from his coffee as before. He bundled up, shuffled off, and put his car on the even-numbered side of the street.
    A few days later, the couple was at the table when the radio voice declared:
    "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the ..." Just then, the power went out.
    "Park it where?" Ole asked in the dark, "What should I do?"
    "Aw, to heck with them, Ole," Lena said, "Don't worry about it today. Just leave the car in the garage."


    When Ole and Lena were young and in love they would got to there favorite spot to park. One night while parked hugging and kissing Ole asks Lena, "Lena how would you like to go in the back?"
    "No," she replies. So they hug and kiss some more. Again, Ole asks Lena to go in the back. Lena replies, "Ole, why are you always asking me to go in the back, I want to stay in front with you!


  9. #9
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    Quote Originally Posted by BEK320 View Post
    16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
    The only requirement there is that they must be loaded with salt & butter (actual cow squeezings, not that imitation yellow grease crap).

    Yankees who say they don't like grits aren't aware of that

    (\__/)
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    (")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

  10. #10
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie View Post
    The only requirement there is that they must be loaded with salt & butter (actual cow squeezings, not that imitation yellow grease crap).

    Yankees who say they don't like grits aren't aware of that
    Yankees don't care to know that, either.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  11. #11
    BEK's Avatar
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    I was raised on grits and country ham its goood stuff


  12. #12
    4everlate's Avatar
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    You know you're from New Orleans when....

    You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads.

    You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.

    When you give directions you use "lakeside and riverside' not north & south.

    Your ancestors are buried above the ground.

    You get on a green trolley car to go to the park and a red one to the French Quarter.

    You listen to holiday songs such as "the 12 yats of Christmas" and "Santa and his reindeer used to live next door."

    You walk on the "banquet" and stand in the "neutral ground" "by ya mommas."

    Someone asks for directions and you stop and help them with a smile.

    You start an angel food cake with a roux.

    You think a lobster is a crawfish on steroids.

    You think boudin, hogshead cheese, and a Bud is a bland diet.

    You think Ground Hog Day and the Boucherie Festival are the same holiday.

    You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco.

    Fred's Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry.

    You have an envie for something instead of a craving.

    You use a "#3" washtub to cover your lawn mower or your outboard motor.

    You use two or more pirogues to cover your tomatoes to protect them from the late frost.

    You use a gill net to play tennis, badminton, or volleyball.

    The horsepower of your outboard motor is greater than that of your car motor.

    You pass up a trip abroad to go to the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge.

    You are asked to name the holy trinity and your reply is "onions, celery, bell pepper."

    You let your black coffee cool, and find that it has gelled.

    You describe a link of boudin and cracklins as "breakfast."

    Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.

    Your mama announces each morning, "Well, I've got the rice cooking ...what will we have for dinner?"

    None of your potential vacation destinations are north of the old Mississippi River Bridge (US 190).

    You refer to Louisiana winters as "Gumbo Weather."

    You get a disappointing look from your wife and describe it as, "She passed me a pair of eyes."

    You think of gravy as a beverage.

    You greet your long lost friend at the Lafayette Regional Airport with "AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEE."

    You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means.

    You learned Bourre the hard way: Holding yourself upright in your crib.

    You don't know the real names of your friends, only their nicknames.

    You give up Tabasco for Lent.

    You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.

    You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.

    You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.

    You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.

    You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together

    Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.

    You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.

    You like your rice and your politics dirty.

    No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.

    Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner.

    Your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick, Jr's.

    You can sing these jingles by heart: "Rosenberg's, Rosenberg's, 1825 Tulane;" "At the beach, at the beach, the Pontchartrain Beach..."

    You ask, "How they running?" and "Are they fat?" but, you're inquiring about seafood quality and not the Cresent City Classic.

    When a hurricane is imminent, you have a lot more faith in Nash Roberts than some Super Doppler 6000.

    Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.

    Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever.

    Being in a jam at Tulane and Broad isn't the same as being stuck in traffic.

    Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries with your seaf ood platter.

    You have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip.

    You have sno-ball stains on your shoes.

    You call tomato sauce "red gravy."

    Your middle name is your mother's maiden name, or your father's mother's maiden name, or your mother's mother's maiden name, or your grandmother's mother's maiden name, or your grandfather's mother's maiden name.

    On certain spring days, Crawfish Monica is your breakfast.

    Your house payment is less than your utility bill.

    You've done your laundry in a bar.

    You don't show your "pretties" during Mardi Gras.

    You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.

    You "boo" the mayor on national television.

    You wear sweaters in because it ought to be cold.

    Your grandparents are called "Maw-Maw" and "Paw-Paw."

    Your Santa Claus rides an alligator and your favorite Saint is a football player.

    You suck heads, eat tail, sing the blues and you actually know where you got them shoes.

    You shake out your shoes before putting them on.

    You don't think it inappropriate to refer to a large adult male as "Li'l Bubba."

    You know why you should never, ever swim by the Lake Pontchartrain steps (for more than one reason).

    You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.

    You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.

    You waste more time navigating back streets than you would if you just sat in traffic.

    You still call the Fairmont Hotel, the Roosevelt.

    You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting your parking space on a public street.

    You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.

    Your one-martini lunch becomes a five-bloody mary afternoon... and you keep your job.

    You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer. When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.

    You refer to people older than you as Mr or Mrs. and their first name.

    You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten.

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from New Orleans.
    If the grass is always greener on the other side, stop pissing on yours.

  13. #13
    4everlate's Avatar
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    You know you live in Florida when . . .

    You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.
    Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
    You know the plot to Groundhog Day and haven't even seen the movie.
    There's a "No Wake" sign posted at the end of your driveway.
    Having a tree in the living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
    You consider plywood a window treatment.
    You know which weathercasters are pregnant.
    The term "huge fan" has nothing to do with sports.
    You won't trade cars until you've tried to guess which tree to park your lemon under for the next hurricane.
    You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or tree-service worker.
    You actually like talking to your insurance agent.
    Toilet paper is elevated to coin of the realm at shelters.
    Your swimming pool experiences tides.
    A hurricane with wind hits you harder than a hurricane with alcohol.
    You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
    Suspended tolls are a highlight of your life.
    A battery-powered TV is considered an entertainment center.
    Your 5-year-old knows the difference between a Category 2 and Category 3 storm.
    You find the hum of a generator erotic.
    You can't swim because your pool is full of patio furniture.
    You actually have seen pigs fly.
    You own seven or more of the following: a generator, a power inverter, a weather radio, a battery-powered TV, a battery-powered fan, battery-powered lanterns, a 5-gallon gasoline can, several tarps, a chain saw, a pole saw and a rain suit.
    Your parrot can say "Hunker down."
    You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
    You miss the days when the only topics that put Florida in the national news were flawed elections and drug kingpins.
    Your children associate huffing and puffing to blow a house down not with a Big Bad Wolf, but with a hurricane.
    You know exactly how long two bags of ice will last in your cooler.
    You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
    Your hurricane parties keep getting canceled because of hurricanes.
    Even as an adult, sundown means time for bed.
    If the grass is always greener on the other side, stop pissing on yours.

  14. #14
    4everlate's Avatar
    4everlate is offline Swamp Rat
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    You switch from "Heat" to A/C in one day.

    You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.

    Your sense of direction is; towards the mountains and away from the mountains.

    You're a meat eating vegetarian.

    The bike on your car is worth more than your car.

    You use a down comforter in the summer cause you have the a/c on at 55 degrees.

    You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.

    You take your out of town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would

    never go there otherwise.

    You install security lights on your house and garage but leave all doors unlocked.

    You think the major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.

    You carry jumper cables in the car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

    You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

    Driving is better in the winter cause the pot holes are filled with snow.

    You think that sexy lingerie is tube sox and flannel PJs.

    You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and construction.

    You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team's victory.

    You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

    You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

    You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.

    When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

    Your car insurance costs more than your car.

    You have surge protectors on every outlet.

    April showers bring May blizzards.

    You see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know.

    'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been. Many times.

    You know what a 'Chinook' is. You know what a 'rocky mountain oyster'is.

    You know what 'fourteener' is. But you don't know what a 'turn signal'is.

    A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.

    Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.

    You know who Alfred Packer was. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.

    You know who Jim Beckwourth was. You'd be happier if you didn't know who Barbara Streisand was.

    SPF 90 is not out of the question.

    People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

    Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

    Thunder has set off your car alarm.

    A full moon has never kept you awake at night.

    You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.

    A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.

    You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.

    "Where we're going, we don't need roads!!"

    You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.

    You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.

    You know where the real 'South Park' is.

    You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

    Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'

    You've used 'checking for ticks' as an excuse to get someone naked.

    You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.

    You've gone skiing in July. You've gone sunbathing in January. They were both in the same year.

    You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run into both oceans'.

    And most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

    You actually understand these jokes and send them to your friends

    People move onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.
    You have absolutely no recognizable accent.

    If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it "muggy".

    You only go to Central City when friends are in from out of town.

    You have been skiing less than 10 times in your life

    You think 5-points is a ghetto.

    You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.

    You say things like "I don't care how big Golden is, it's still a one-horse town".

    You think only stupid people get lost in your town.

    When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South.

    During a thunderstorm you wonder "which I-25 underpass is flooding".

    You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.

    If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.

    You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.

    You have a broken windshield.

    You see no reason to travel to Aurora.

    The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle.

    You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

    You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2.

    You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista.

    You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail.

    You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage.

    You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.

    You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.

    You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.

    You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman.

    You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.

    Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.

    The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it.

    You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.

    You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

    North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from.

    You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

    You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.

    You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there.

    You think gun control is a steady hand.

    You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.

    You've stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

    You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.

    You're a meat eating vegetarian.

    You think the major food groups are Boulder Bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer.

    You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate your local sports team's victory.

    You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

    You know the correct pronunciation of Buena Vista.

    When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

    Your car insurance costs more than your car.

    You have surge protectors on every outlet.

    April showers bring May blizzards.

    You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know.

    "Timberline" is someplace you have actually been. Many times.

    You know what a "Chinook" is. You know what a "rocky mountain oyster" is. You know what a "fourteener" is. But you don't know what a "turn signal" is.

    A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.

    Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.

    People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.

    Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

    Thunder has set off your car alarm.

    A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.

    "Where we're going, we don't need roads!"

    You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.

    You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

    Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'

    You've used "checking for ticks" as an excuse to get someone naked.

    You've gone skiing in July. You've gone sunbathing in January. They were both in the same year.

    You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream

    You know the elevation of a town, but not its population.

    You never pack away your coat and sweaters.

    You can name only two people you know who were actually born in Colorado.

    You call tumbleweed "groundcover".

    You love your Broncos, your Avs, your Rockies, Nuggets - well you can't have everything.

    You or someone you know plays golf 12 months of the year.

    You don't have AC in your home, but you use it in your car all winter long.

    If it snows in the morning you expect it to be gone by lunchtime.

    You can name the states that make up the Four Corners.

    You know what and where the Continental Divide is.

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Colorado.
    If the grass is always greener on the other side, stop pissing on yours.

  15. #15
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    To all my Southern friends – whether you’re Southern by birth or by choice . . .





    FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food.



    FRIENDS: Will say "hello".

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.



    FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad



    FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you.



    FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being together.



    FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.



    FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.



    FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"



    FRIENDS: Are for a while.

    SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life.









  16. #16
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    REMEMBER: If you are lucky enough to settle in the South and bear children,
    Don't think we will accept them as Southerners.
    After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

  17. #17
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
    In the South: --

    If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel
    Drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
    Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way.
    This is what they live for.

    Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
    Store....do not buy food at this store.

    Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and
    "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

    Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

    Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on
    How to use it.

    Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.
    They can't understand you either.

    The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
    vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners
    begin their Southern-influenced dialect this
    Way. All of them are in denial about it.

    The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

    Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here

    If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
    Should stay out of the way. These are likely to be
    The last words he'll ever say.

    If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
    Smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at
    The local Grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need
    Anything or not. You just have to go there.

    Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
    They are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

    In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green
    Lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

  18. #18
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
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    I'm fixin to give y'all some rep.

    "Stupid should hurt."

  19. #19
    dapples's Avatar
    dapples is offline Swamp Kitty
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannibal View Post
    I'm fixin to give y'all some rep.


    Bless your heart

  20. #20
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    vBulletin Message
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dapples again.

    Sorrry sweetheart,I loved it though.Even though it IS 100% true.

 

 

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