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Thread: How do i handle this ?
04-25-07, 12:59 PM #1
How do i handle this ?
I have a girlfriend Mary who has a 15 yr old daughter , the parents are divorced , father pays child support and is a cop and the step father is also a cop , the mother works in emergency services .
Mary allows her daughter to be an adult , run the house pretty much , has been grounded for such things as being caught with a boy in her bed , driving without a license , accessory to teens doing theft , and the list goes on ...
I do not understand why Mary allows her child to get away with these things but yet yells at current husbands 10 yr old son when he misbehaves , and i really do not understand her allowing the child to do illegal activities when she knows better . She doesnt allow the ex husband or current husband any say in the raising of the girl , she loves being the pal to the girl who works her like a violin and she knows it . She has asked me to help her but i only give her advice which goes unheeded so i back off saying anything .
Recently the girl was caught driving the family vehicle and father who was on duty called the mother , mother called child and told her to come home and said nothing to her about it when she got home , and then told her the bf of girl who has no drivers license either can drive her car , when that was discovered by current hubby that canceled that , now she will rent a vehicle for them to drive ... I would love to call dispatch if i saw the vehicle with plate number but its of course a taped line and most know my voice and her so that wouldnt work .
I do not get it , at what point will Mary ever get it in her head she is not only jeopordizing the home , careers etc by allowing this to go on , is there anything that can be said to her that i havent already calmly said ?
Current hubby is being or i should say was being kept in dark about things until i enlightened him and now is watching things more carefully and readjusting his sleeping habits , only because as a friend i cannot see letting his career be ruined nor his life by her misguided thoughts of being a parent who loves and spoils her daughter as she says .
At this point all i know is to keep quiet to her , as nothing i say will help and let the chips fall as they may , but i wish i knew the words to say with love and kindness to wake her up before she is woken up by a tragedy . I realize i should hush and stay out of it , but the driving without a license continuosly is a problem to me , these are roads i drive on and want to be safe on also , and dont wish to live with knowing she caused a tragedy that didnt need to be . I also know i am risking losing a friendship should she know i am talking to hubby and possibly making those on the road aware when i know the child is driving .
Anyone have any suggestions ? Thanks for listening errr reading !Cops are sworn to protect your a@@ not kiss it .
04-25-07, 01:52 PM #2GrasshopperVerified LEO
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Ya know what sucks about that situation? You can't fix stupid. That sounds all pat and cliche, but I am being serious. Some people get a genuine case of the stupid when they raise a kid. And above statement is the God honest truth about the matter. You can not fix, nor change, nor alter their view of the world. The way your friend sees this situation right now is that if she changes anything in her relationship with her daughter, she will lose her daughter. The worst thing...she is probably right. After being manipulated and pushed around for this long, if your friend suddenly changes the rules, the daughter is going to snap off. At this point, someone from the outside needs to help intervene. By that, I mean a counselor/therapist/priest/etc. At this point, daughter may even need something like a Wilderness Program or the like to help her along. I hope your friend is able to find a way to save the daughter before it is too late. Honestly though, there is not much you are going to be able to do to fix this situation.And Shepards we shall be,
for thee, My Lord, for thee,
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls will it ever be.
In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.
04-25-07, 02:37 PM #3
What a shitty situation. Everyone can only do so much, and in these times and in today's society, you have to let parents screw themselves and their kids. It's sad but it's true only because all of us risk getting in trouble or sued.
Though a heartaching situation, it will catch up to all of them eventually. Whether she is 15 and has a baby, whether she does something illegal and mom gets popped as an accessory because she wants to be a "cool mom" or a couple of years passes by and the fifteen year old will then be eighteen and have to fess up to her actions as an adult.
Short of holding an intervention, sometimes you have to let people run their crash course."That's how we roll"
04-25-07, 03:21 PM #4
As for the license, you could try calling your police department's traffic team and give them the information you have. If it's an on-going problem, and especially if the girl drives predictable routes, they may be able to catch her driving and tow the car. That ought to be a wake-up call for mom. Of course, depending on how busy they are, they may not be able to spend the time looking for the girl."I'm not a coward,
I've just never been tested
I'd like to think that if I was,
I would pass"
~Mighty Mighty Bosstones~
04-25-07, 03:25 PM #5
Girl's going to wind up behind bars or scraped off the pavement before the mother will wake up. Sad, but true.\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
04-25-07, 04:25 PM #6
Is your friend spoiling her daughter to be her friend?
Or is she enabling her daughter's risky behavior?
To me, renting a vehicle for 2 kids sounds like like an enabler. She's also making herself liable for a huge lawsuit by the parents of the boy, not to mention possible child endangerment charges if anything happens to those kids while driving that rental vehicle.Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.
Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
or otherwise distort statements of fact.FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley
04-25-07, 04:26 PM #7
I appreciate what everyone has said , and Conalabu your right , cant fix stupid ... the daughter was in police explorers til her little boy in bed and theft incident and she is still in rotc , she rules the roost , momma says so and i cannot wait for the day that someone puts her in check .
I guess my major problem is that two officers ( the ex and present ) are going to be the ones to catch all the fallout when something happens and i wish i could protect them from it and thats the most important part of all this ... she doesnt care obviously about their careers but i do , they are both damm good officers and dont deserve this and their hands seemed tied i guess ...
I think i will just keep notes to events and such and hope it may help the ex and present one day .
Last edited by Morning Coffee; 04-25-07 at 04:51 PM.Cops are sworn to protect your a@@ not kiss it .
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