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Thread: Help me!

  1. #1
    blackcamaro8895's Avatar
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    Unhappy Help me!

    Ok here goes. Please bear with me. Ive been here at Hocking since fall of last year. The first three months we were here in the OPOTA the commander we had (Deweese) didnt take us through any of the State-mandated stuff we should have been doing for the OPOTA. Someone reported what he wasntdoing, and well, the shit hit the fan. At the end of the first quarter, the other commanders found out what he was doing, and he was fired. Right away, Mr. Camechis took over and now we are in the hands of the best man for the job. For the last two quarters, we have been playing catch-up and working double time to get in our hours, and doing an exellent job at it. We started out in Sept. '06 with 78 people in the academy. Now we are at 19, i believe. I am one of the four females, and my roomate, Donna, is one also.
    We have mandatory PT every Friday morning. Our instructors have made it clear to us that working out 1 time a week will NOT get us in shape. I work out every night i dont work, whether its swimming, running outside, running on the track, or hitting the weights. My roomate Donna, does not. I mean, absoluetly nothing. Every single time at PT she is the last one on the run, and i mean, she is WAAAAAY back there. We all have to circle back to get her, then she gets behind again, and again. She is not obese, but she's got extra weight. Then when PT is over she gets sick several times, and is falling asleep in OPOTA. During the week, all hours of the day she lies in bed and reads romance novels and eats candy. her side of the room is a MESS. She has made friends with ABSOLUETLY NO ONE since we've been here, and only leaves the room to go to the bathroom and get occasional groceries. Our first quarter she met a guy on Myspace from Alabama and would talk to him all night until 6-7am keeping me awake, even when i'd yell at her. (they broke up last quarter)
    anyway, Ive had numerous conversations about working out with her. I told her i would go with her and do whatever she wanted to do. She told me that she doesnt like when people "push" her to work harder, it just makes her go slower.She wont work out with me. I tell her ahead of time Im working out and then when its time i ask her and she says she wont go with me.Ive taken her with me when i go places and tried to be her friend. Even though we're not best friends, I am being as supportive as i possibly can with her and Ive talked about all these issues with her trying to find a solution. Its not that she's not pushing herself hard enough, she's not trying at all!!!!!! And i feel horrible, i just want her to graduate with me and get certified with me........and Miranda and Adrian, the other two girls. When i applied down at the college PD i told her to get an application and start working, it would give her a great head start in LE. She has never had a job in her life. I had to almost force her to pick up an app. She got one, and hasnt turned it in. In the meantime, ive already been hired, and been working.
    I really care about her. i want her to pass. Ive been trying to drag her along, and made it almost a year. But ive gotten NOWHERE!!! She wont try!!! And she says she's going to pass.......but its already been a year, and theres no improvements. One year left to go......what do i do?!?!?!?!

  2. #2
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
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    What do you do? You stop TRYING to help someone who can't/doesn't want to help themselves. You can't force anyone to do anything. Empowerment comes from within. She either wants to succeed or she doesn't. Let her make the decision for herself and take responsibility for her success or failure. Take care of yourself... you only have you to answer to! Best of luck to you!

  3. #3
    gozling's Avatar
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    bottom line...from one girl to another....
    now is the time you take care of yourself.
    she is going to pass on her own and be one of those female officers that I hate to work with and want to bitch slap and cant... and she will be that female officer that I know cannot hold her own on a fight.

    stop focusing so much on wanting others to do well... i know it may sound mean but she is not in diapers and is an adult and if she chooses to be a deadbeat... so be it.

    you have to save your energy for you.

    with still a year left... leave her be and most likely she will end up with some dumbass injury.

    again, I cannot stress enough the fact that it is hard enough as a female officer to get through this bullshit... you have to take care of yourself.

    she doesnt seem to give a rats ass and has told you as much so why force it.
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  4. #4
    Trojan 42's Avatar
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    With that sort of mentality she will be a liabilty. Let her fail and do the world a favour.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



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  5. #5
    Trojan 42's Avatar
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    With that sort of mentality she will be a liability. Let her fail and do the world a favour.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  6. #6
    Cidp24's Avatar
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    Sometimes a person needs and will accept a little shove to get motivated. Sometimes a baseball bat upside the head wont produce the desired result. You gave it your best, she did not respond. Her motivation can only come from inside. Maybe give it one more shot, an extremely harsh, hard, honest shot, and then take care of your own problems and aspirations.
    Rarely, but sometimes, a person sees others giving up on them and that in itself will motivate them.
    Last edited by Cidp24; 05-21-07 at 01:39 PM.
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  7. #7
    BigDawg's Avatar
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    I agree with what the others have said. It seems as though you have done all you can do for her. I would explain to her that you wont push her anymore. It will now be up to her if she passes or not. And just because she passes it doesnt mean she will be hired anywhere. Place the ball in her court, at sometime she will have to learn that she holds the cards for her own destiny, not anyone else. All her life everything has been handed to her, and she has never had to work for it. She must learn that this isnt the way life is. The sooner she learns this the better.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


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  8. #8
    Buttercup's Avatar
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    This may sounds cold, but the answer to what you should do is forget about her and focus on yourself. It's not up to you to make sure that she passes. If she wants to do it, she will. There's not a thing you can do to force her to work if she doesn't want to. I never have a problem helping someone out, but in this case it's a worthless venture and taking focus away from what you should be concentrating on, which is you.




  9. #9
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    Some people can't bring themselves to admit they are chasing the wrong dream, so they sabotage themselves.

    If you can, I'd change roomates.

    I'd also stop circling back for her on the runs, unless PT requires it, she should finish a few all by herself.
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

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  10. #10
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    Summing up in simple language what seems to be a constant thought in this thread - Do you really want someone that had to be pushed through and coddled acting as your backup one day? It does seem cold but some of the training is designed to weed out just such unmotivated people.
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  11. #11
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    I also want to add .....

    sort of a hot button for me...

    as a Feild Training Officer... lately I have been getting female officers to train out of the academy....

    lets just say if they don't step it up they have some serious issues to deal with and its not pretty...

    so if she can't step it up while in the school... she may have to deal with some serious crap later... and not only that - we have a reputation the first week we hit the streets with training... that will set her up for the rest of her career and I see her back behind a bag of chips watching TV and dating my space dudes pretty quick.

    sad thing... if due to her behavior some other officer gets hurt...

    that is the thing that pisses me off the most.

    sorry done ranting
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  12. #12
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    ^^^^ What they all said. ^^^^
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    I agree with what everyone has said. Sometimes you have to realize the boat is sinking and it's time to get in the lifeboat and save yourself. No point in bringing yourself down when the person you're trying to save doesn't want the help.

    I used to be that person that used to try and help everyone around me that was needing the extra shove. Most of the times it just ended up with me spending a lot of my time on an effort that the person never really gave a shit about and then in the end I would end up hurt.

    Focus on yourself and she'll be fine figuring life out on her own.


  14. #14
    Lazy Fed's Avatar
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    You can't help those who won't help themselves
    dulce et decorum est pro patria mori


    Quote Originally Posted by Resident Smart Ass
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  15. #15
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    I hate to say it, but caring so much about people who don't bother to care about themselves will make law enforcement a very long and depressing career for you.

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    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lazy Fed View Post
    You can't help those who can't help themselves
    I would switch it to "You can't help those who won't help themselves." and then say exactly.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
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  17. #17
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    Everyone here is right. Me being the ass that I am would buy her more candy and novels and set her up for failure. Sometimes this works on people and they see it as you trying to let them fail and they bounce back. Just be forwarned you can make an enemy or two over night!
    Just because your sign off after you're shift is done, doesn't mean that it's over and put blinders on. You're a cop 24/7 wether you like it or not. If thats something you can't handle, you should find a new line of work!

  18. #18
    Lazy Fed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu View Post
    I would switch it to "You can't help those who won't help themselves." and then say exactly.
    Fixed it
    dulce et decorum est pro patria mori


    Quote Originally Posted by Resident Smart Ass
    Life is to short not to experience Lazy Fed
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    O RLY?? YA RLY NO WAI!!!!

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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDawg View Post
    I'd also stop circling back for her on the runs, unless PT requires it, she should finish a few all by herself.
    In the academy you take an oath to leave no fatty behind.

    On a serious note - if she won't give 110%, LET HER FAIL. There'd be nothing worse than if she squeeked by and some other officer got hurt because of her actions. In the real world the criminals run faster and fight harder because you are trying to take their freedom away from them. If you can't cut it in training you'll learn the hard way on the streets.
    "never bring paws to a gunfight" - Jenna

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virginian View Post
    I hate to say it, but caring so much about people who don't bother to care about themselves will make law enforcement a very long and depressing career for you.
    Well said! +1
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