**When Dealing with Police**

[KNR509]

The last one is one i hold to and it gets me some dirty looks...oh well refer to number 3...

When dealing with the police remember:

1. No asking me directions while I'm pointing a shotgun at a suspect.

2. No following me at 100 mph just to see where I'm going.

3. No touching me. Ever!

4. No asking if I've ever killed anyone.

5. No asking to touch my gun.

6. No interrupting my meal break to ask for directions or tell me
about a ticket you got 20 years ago.

7. No pointing at me and tell your misbehaving child I'm gonna arrest him/her.

8. No asking if I remember you from handling your bicycle theft 5 years ago.

9. No reminding me about police discretion when I tell you that you're getting a ticket. I know what it is. Fight it or pay it.

10. No asking if I can tell you who is the registered owner of a certain license plate or address. I doesn't matter if they are doin'
your wife, I still can't tell you who they are.

11. No whiney little requests after I arrest you. No, you can't have a cigarrette, or a drink, we're not stopping to pick up your coat, nor will we take a potty break. You are going to jail , not a full-service
hotel.

12. No crying to me when I empty a can of OC into the back seat with you. If you try to kick out the back windows of my car, I'm saving you a felony charge of destruction of PD property.

13. No lying about it. If I see you do it, You won't win.

14. No requests to run your name just so you can know if you have any warrants. Take a moment to think about what is going to happen if I find one. If you still can't figure out what I'm talking about and still want me to do it, please familiarize yourself with rules 11 and 12 above before we continue.

15. No telling me what the law is. I know. You don't.

16. No telling me you pay my salary. Let's assume for a moment that you do pay cops' salary. Well, I pay taxes too, so I pay cops' salary, too. So let's just say that this stop is on me.

17. No puking into my defroster

18. No spitting unless you want your head in a bag.

19. No craping in your pants in may car.

20. No ****ing in your pants in my car.

21. No telling me you know the mayor / sheriff / governor, president., etc.

22. No telling me it's my fault you life is ruined. You f*cked it up all by yourself.

23. No telling me you know the chief personally. So do I, and he expects me to do my job.

24. No telling me you know a cop named "Jim' who works downtown.

25. No calling and complaining about the lenght of your neighbors grass.

26. No ****ing people off. I am not your personal protection service. Stop ****ing people off.

27. No babysitting. At no point in time did it ever become my job to raise your children, I have enough problems raising my wiener dog thank you very much.

28. No approaching me on a traffic stop and asking to run my siren. Do I come to your office and ask to play with stuff?

29. No donut jokes

30. No telling your kids I will take them to jail. Say it, and I may take YOU to jail.

31. No asking for gas money. Get a job.

32. No groupies. Well, wait a minute...

33. No Wannabes.

34. No coffee and donuts jokes. However, cappuccino and croissants are acceptable.

35. No asking if you can test positive for a drug by just being around it.

36. No whining about me violating your probation. You did that all by yourself.

37. No telling the person on the phone, "There's a cop here and he's going to shoot me."

38. No *****ing

39. No crying

40. No cheek slappers in my patrol car.

41. No whining about my spotlamp in your mirrors

42. No whining about my flashlight in your eyes

43. No arguing. Period. Just sign the friggin' ticket and shut the fu*k up.

44. No looking at my radar reading. Tough noogies, you'll just have to trust me.

45. No calling the judge names just because you know my video recorder is on.

46. No flashing my video recorder. Well...wait a minute....

47. If you're doing 100mph in a 70mph zone don't ask why I pulled u over

48. When I'm taking u to jail dont tell me about how ur going to be an officer one day.

49. When I walk in the room, don't say "I DIDN'T DO IT" cause you probably did at one time.

50. Don't insult my intelligence with obvious lies or anything else. I wasn't born yesterday.

51. No mistaking my kindness for weakness.

52. No asking to go shopping on a restricted license

53. No begging for a break. Beg, and you get the whole can.

54. No hurting children. That will make you my enemy and that is dangerous.

55. No telling me you're an Elk, Mason, Eagle or Moose. It means nothing to me.

56. No threatening my family. Fatal error.

57. No threatening to call my supervisor. He already knows I'm an a**hole.

58. No asking for an extra grope when I frisk you.

59. No asking for me to scratch an itchy spot during same frisk.

60. No complaining my hood is hot when I lay you out. I know. Black
paint is hot.

61. No more asking for warnings. Automatic ticket.

62. No more asking me to wait for your friend to come and drive your
car away instead of the wrecker. (It's part of the punishment).

63. No more stopping behind my traffic stop and blocking my lights.

64. No more saying you're a lawyer. Even if you were, it wouldn't matter.

65. No more saying you'll have my job for this. (yawn).

66. No "swearing to God," when your caught dirty.

67. No spelling my name wrong when you complain. Why do you thik
they make me wear a nametag, you friggin' idiot!

68. No running. I will still catch you and when I do, I will express my
dissastifaction.

69. No reaching under your seat unless you like the fel of cold gun metal in your ear.

70. No touching any weapons in your car just "to show me." You show me yours and I'll show you mine.

71. No stacking five or six cop ball caps in your rear deck.

72. No phony "I support cops" stickers in your window.

73. No telling me you had one beer. Nobody drinks one beer.

74. No staring at your speedometer in slackjawed disbelief when I tell you your speed.

75. No telling me your speedometer "said" something else. Speedometers don't talk.

76. No telling me your speedometer is broken. Ain't buyin' it.

77. No calling your dad (or anybody else) when I have you stopped
and having him come out and ***** at me for stopping you.

78. No answering the above call and coming out to my stop, getting out of your car, storming over towards my patrol car, and crying
"that's my son!!". I don't care. He's my stop. Go away or go to jail, and that's your only warning.

79. No comments about a "quota". Yes, it's true... three more tickets and my wife gets a new toaster oven.

80. No telling me that I should be out chasing "real criminals". You broke the law. That makes YOU a criminal. A "real" one even.

81. No telling me you're doing your botany homework, when I catch you in a cow pasture with a bag of mushrooms.

82. No telling me I pulled you over because you're black, oriental, cuban, iranian, mexican, hindu, canadian, samoan, redneck, because you're from out of state, meeting my quota, driving a mercedes, or any other ignorant reason other than what your ignorant a** did to get your ignorant a** stopped.

83. No coming to a complete stop in the hammer lane on the interstate if I come up behind you running code 3. This will make the
Policeman very angry, and he may smite you in the pocketbook if he gets a Code 4 ( no further assistance needed ) transmission over the radio, and you are still in sight.

84. No interrupting me if I'm eating to come up to ask me if I know your brother/sister/friend/whoever that works for a small county agency on the other side of the state. Guess what? We all don't know each other! Now go away!

85. No complaining about me speeding on the way to jail. Do you really want to sit in the back of my squad all night? I have more people to arrest.

86. No forgetting who has the right of way at four way stop intersections. We really hate it when you don't go when you are supposed to, just because your ascared of the police car also at the stop sign. We don't even care if you screw it up - JUST GO!

87. No ignoring my lights until you reach your driveway. Those lights mean stop - NOW!

88. No shouting out, "WE DON'T CHARGE COPS HERE. IT'S FREE!" as I stand at the head of a long line to pay for my lunch.

89. No asking scum questions, like if "they" can arrest/stop/detain/search you for this or that, when "they" is ME! I'm standing right in front of you! Ask if I can do it.

90. No shaking my hand. Refer back to #3.

[gozling]

the eating one... i just want to do an episode of Bad Santa at them...

and yeah... NO touching
lol

[Cidp24]

#24 - It irks the sh&% out of me when someone says "I have a good friend that works with y'all"
Me-"Oh really, what's his name"
Violator - UUhhh, you know, big guy, dark hair and a mustache, works over on Old Canton alot."

I know all of my "good friends" names, and for them most part, all of their immediate family members names.

GRRRR!!

[cwtlady]

Good post. I've done 3 and 90. Touching and shaking hands (you forgot hugging).


Funny how a police chief wouldn't shake my hand just because I had a cold. Hmmm.

[mavriktu]

#24 - It irks the sh&% out of me when someone says "I have a good friend that works with y'all"
Me-"Oh really, what's his name"
Violator - UUhhh, you know, big guy, dark hair and a mustache, works over on Old Canton alot."

I know all of my "good friends" names, and for them most part, all of their immediate family members names.

GRRRR!!

I love when they play the "do you know (insert officer name here)"I like to answer with "No ! Do you know officer Mavriktu??"---this is a win/win situation.If they answer yes,I say "dont think so or he wouldnt be writing you this ticket"----OR,if they answer no,I tell them "you should ,cause he is the one writing you this ticket"

[lewisipso]

#24 - It irks the sh&% out of me when someone says "I have a good friend that works with y'all"
Me-"Oh really, what's his name"
Violator - UUhhh, you know, big guy, dark hair and a mustache, works over on Old Canton alot."

I know all of my "good friends" names, and for them most part, all of their immediate family members names.

GRRRR!!

Yes I know Officer so and so. I don't like him and he doesn't like me. He's a puss. Anyone else you know.

[conalabu]

Printed and posted at the PD.

[Coloradocop]

I like the one about asking directions when I'm pointing a shotgun at someone...

I've had a few of these types of deals... One bitch walked between my car and an occupied steal while I was doing a high risk stop (at least 5 of us with guns pointed at the 5 shitheads in the car). Best part is, this bitch was crossing the street with her three little kids at the time. Wouldn't have minded the collateral damage if she ended up in the crossfire, but not the kids!!!

[Resident Smart Ass]

One of my favorites is when I have someone in cuffs, they ask me if they're under arrest..and one time I got so fed up with that question, I just told them that no, this is just foreplay

[Virginian]

24. No telling me you know a cop named "Jim' who works downtown.

I know a cop named Jim. Total douchebag.

[k-9max]

4. No asking if I've ever killed anyone



I tell them, " you know, they still never found the last guy ,or did they? "

they look at you like your some freakcop.

[Magnum440]

Good to see the rules haven't changed much over the last 35 years. Some of that crap could have resulted in use of force forms back then. Good post.

[10-42Adam]

Haha that's great. I try to never shake anybodys hand while on duty...I always give them a "pound" instead.

[Lo523]

Copied and emailed to the guys at the work. They will love that one, even tho the gun ones don't apply to us!

[Cidp24]

4. No asking if I've ever killed anyone



I tell them, " you know, they still never found the last guy ,or did they? "

they look at you like your some freakcop.

Answer - "Not while on duty." dont elaborate. Get some wierd looks with that one.

[Jackalope]

I know a cop named Jim. Total douchebag.

Speaking of cops named Jim, where has Piggybank Cop been lately?

[rob84]

No joke, when we were in Ocean City last year, a drunk guy actually smacked an officers horses ass. The officer turned around, and quickly jumped off the horse and started questioning him. The whole time the officer was speaking to him, the guys was petting the horse!!!. The officer kept tellling him to not touch the horse, but it was like he couldn't controll it, his hand just kept sneaking up and petting the horse. Eventually he got cuffed and taken away, but not before we got a good laugh.

[BEB]

The whole time the officer was speaking to him, the guys was petting the horse!!!. The officer kept tellling him to not touch the horse, but it was like he couldn't controll it, his hand just kept sneaking up and petting the horse.

Horses are crazy petable!

Is the "Don't hop out of your vehicle and wave as you approach the cruiser with your documents" in there? If so, missed it.

I used to do that. Once while brandishing a headlight (I knew I had a headlight out, figured I'd see if I could swap it right there). Didn't go over too well.

[Jenna]

The officer kept tellling him to not touch the horse, but it was like he couldn't controll it, his hand just kept sneaking up and petting the horse.

I can relate. I was scolded in an Australian airport for petting a contraband-sniffing beagle that was checking out my luggage. I would never try to pet the scary-looking German Shepherds that serve as K9s in the US, but that Australian beagle was so Snoopy-like and cute I couldn't resist!