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06-13-07, 09:07 AM #1
Sentences you shouldn't start your report with
1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...
3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire...
4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff...
5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I’d lose my mind...
6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end...
7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...
8. Let me just start by stressing the fact that at no point was I without my badge and gun, and the nudity was critical to establish a certain level of trust with the prostitutes...
9. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist.
10. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
11. Four score and several hours ago...
12. As we were approaching Kristy Kreme and noticed the "Hot doughnuts" light was off...
13. Yo momma is so fat, she jumped up and got stuck; as we attempted to help her fat ass....
14. T'was the night before Christmas and all through the station, not a creature was heard, not even a rat turd...
15. As I was humping my partner on the hood of the patrol car in the graveyard, a man approached my behind, uh, from behind....
16. You're probably not going to like this but....
17. I busted a big busted ho....
18. Wooooooo doggies, what an accident....
06-13-07, 09:10 AM #2
A complete assault report my FTO told me about:
"The dude come up on the porch and went upside her muddafuckin' head with a stick"
06-13-07, 10:41 AM #3
That was hella funnyFuture Detective of The S.P.DPride Integrity Gratitude
06-13-07, 10:47 AM #4
"What had happened was..."
"Stupid should hurt."
06-13-07, 01:01 PM #5
"No shit, there I was...."\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
06-13-07, 02:35 PM #6CorporalVerified LEO
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we like to keep our arrest reports short & to the poitn. Fill in the details with the ADA.
At tpo c/v was struck by perp causing a physical injury.
06-13-07, 02:40 PM #7
"What is a poitn?
06-13-07, 03:41 PM #8Corporal
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I remember being on a ride along and the officer told the lady...
"Do you really want me to put blah blah blah down in the report?"
I laughed so hard... everything she said was and he said that he was gonna blah blah blah...
06-13-07, 03:44 PM #9
06-13-07, 05:06 PM #10Master OfficerVerified LEO
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"It was a dark and Stormy Night"
"Once Upon a Time"
06-13-07, 05:17 PM #11
"You should have been there.....""Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History"
"All history becomes subjective; in other words there is properly no history, only biography."
06-14-07, 01:46 AM #12
This one time at Band-camp ..."The statements and opinions contained in this communication do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Commission regarding these issues."
06-14-07, 02:02 AM #13
06-14-07, 02:58 AM #14
Hahaha I should try some of those and see if my LT. even notices...Calm Like A Bomb...
“A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”
06-14-07, 08:50 AM #15
See, what really happened..........
Okay the truth is.................
There I was, knee deep in....................!Si vis pacem, para bellum
And in case you don't speak Latin.......If you want peace, prepare for war.
I've been places, seen and done things that would make most cry. I've fought along side and against better men then most I come across day to day, i've put my life on the line more then once for things you take for granted and for those you have lost respect for. I don't tell you this for your pity or respect but for you to remember me.
06-14-07, 02:32 PM #16
I have started them off before with once upon a time.
06-14-07, 03:05 PM #17
06-14-07, 04:11 PM #18
There I was, sitting in my patrol car, when I was awakened by the radio...Former member of the LNC
Will take verbal abuse for spare change
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06-14-07, 04:36 PM #19
"Once upon a time in the Magical Land of Englewood, off. #1 struck vic. multiple times about the face and body after being engaged in a verbal altercation with off who is vics live in b/f. Off fled the area in an unknown direction. Vic notified of warrants and given VIN."
The end. That is a typical domestic report. It all fits on the front page.
"I am the guy that keeps Mister Dead in his pocket." -'Mad' Max Rockatansky
"An Englewood Ranger is no stranger to Danger.." -Unk
Good Night Chesty Where Ever You Are.
A Good Friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "That was Awesome."
God Made Police Men so Fireman Would Have Heroes.
06-16-07, 05:55 AM #20" The hardest thing about disarming an armed suspect is not slipping on your own shit "
Michael P. Gordon E.O.W 08 Aug 2004
The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such.
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