Home Remedies

[Virginian]

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

[MountainCop]

Yeah, and that same family will be choosing your nursing home...

[chris2001]

The irony is you would be suprised at how many times people have done that because they heard that it would work .

[Daynathepayna]

The irony is you would be suprised at how many times people have done that because they heard that it would work .

Really? Which ones have you tried?

[MountainCop]

Really? Which ones have you tried?

I'm pretty sure about #3, and probably #1 and #6.

[Indy]

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

That's what I need to do. My dogs don't even budge until the 3rd or 4th time anymore...they lift their heads, look at me, then drop back to sleep knowing I won't get up until it goes off a few more times.

[MountainCop]

That's what I need to do. My dogs don't even budge until the 3rd or 4th time anymore...they lift their heads, look at me, then drop back to sleep knowing I won't get up until it goes off a few more times.

Set the alarm clock across the room. When I have trouble getting up, that's what I do. When I have to get my tired old butt out of bed to turn off the damn alarm, I get cured real quick.

And my pup Kheylar will wake the spousal unit up with the head on the bed, nosing her, etc. But she wouldn't wake me up if the planet was being invaded by the Grays

[Indy]

Set the alarm clock across the room. When I have trouble getting up, that's what I do. When I have to get my tired old butt out of bed to turn off the damn alarm, I get cured real quick.

Yeah, I tried that. It really pissed me off having to get up and walk across the room to hit snooze every 9 minutes.

I think I missed the point of that "cure."

[Welpe]

Yeah, I tried that. It really pissed me off having to get up and walk across the room to hit snooze every 9 minutes.

I think I missed the point of that "cure."

Hahaha, man does that sound familiar! One of my roomates did that with his alarm and we nearly killed him....

[MountainCop]

Hahaha, man does that sound familiar! One of my roomates did that with his alarm and we nearly killed him....

Yeah, that trick doesn't work well when you have roommates and firearms in the house

Ah, life in the breakdown lane... wasn't that an Eagles song??