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Thread: Home Remedies

  1. #1
    Virginian's Avatar
    Virginian is offline Major
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    Home Remedies

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
    of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be
    almost instantly removed.

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
    someone else to hold them while you chop away.

    3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
    using the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
    a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use
    a timer.

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
    from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
    will be afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
    forget about the toothache.

    Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

    You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
    If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
    If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    Remember:
    Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

    And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
    when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

  2. #2
    MountainCop Guest
    Yeah, and that same family will be choosing your nursing home...

  3. #3
    chris2001's Avatar
    chris2001 is offline Captain
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    The irony is you would be suprised at how many times people have done that because they heard that it would work .
    Being the best is not what always counts. What counts is always trying your best.

    Remember who you are, and where you came from. That way you never get a big head.


    May those that lost their lives in 9-11 RIP, for the things you did not many could do. You left so many behind so that you could save so few. For now we stand strong as one, and will not look back till the fight is done. (me)

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  4. #4
    Daynathepayna is offline bad to the bone
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris2001
    The irony is you would be suprised at how many times people have done that because they heard that it would work .
    Really? Which ones have you tried?

  5. #5
    MountainCop Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Daynathepayna
    Really? Which ones have you tried?
    I'm pretty sure about #3, and probably #1 and #6.

  6. #6
    Indy Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Virginian
    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
    That's what I need to do. My dogs don't even budge until the 3rd or 4th time anymore...they lift their heads, look at me, then drop back to sleep knowing I won't get up until it goes off a few more times.

  7. #7
    MountainCop Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Indy
    That's what I need to do. My dogs don't even budge until the 3rd or 4th time anymore...they lift their heads, look at me, then drop back to sleep knowing I won't get up until it goes off a few more times.
    Set the alarm clock across the room. When I have trouble getting up, that's what I do. When I have to get my tired old butt out of bed to turn off the damn alarm, I get cured real quick.

    And my pup Kheylar will wake the spousal unit up with the head on the bed, nosing her, etc. But she wouldn't wake me up if the planet was being invaded by the Grays

  8. #8
    Indy Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by MountainCop
    Set the alarm clock across the room. When I have trouble getting up, that's what I do. When I have to get my tired old butt out of bed to turn off the damn alarm, I get cured real quick.
    Yeah, I tried that. It really pissed me off having to get up and walk across the room to hit snooze every 9 minutes.

    I think I missed the point of that "cure."

  9. #9
    Welpe's Avatar
    Welpe is offline Wannabe NFL Ref
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    Quote Originally Posted by Indy
    Yeah, I tried that. It really pissed me off having to get up and walk across the room to hit snooze every 9 minutes.

    I think I missed the point of that "cure."
    Hahaha, man does that sound familiar! One of my roomates did that with his alarm and we nearly killed him....
    "To the German commander: 'Nuts!' The American Commander" - General Tony McAuliffe, 101st Airborne Division

  10. #10
    MountainCop Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Welpe
    Hahaha, man does that sound familiar! One of my roomates did that with his alarm and we nearly killed him....
    Yeah, that trick doesn't work well when you have roommates and firearms in the house

    Ah, life in the breakdown lane... wasn't that an Eagles song??

 

 

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