Things Cops Know ...........

[Resident Smart Ass]

- The running speed of a Belgian Malinois (a dog) is at least twice that of the
average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one,
please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time if you
want to avoid getting bit.

- If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close friends
who just commited a crime and don't want to be implicated with
aforementioned friend.

-Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something.
Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something. (very true)

- If you get called to a 911 hangup and a guy answers the door with a 9
month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have accidentally
dialed it", he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn't
want you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant
as well.

- If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect you
to know your friends last name.

- If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see
a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep
the $20.

- If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't
need a warrant.

- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket or pants from a friend, just before you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket or pants.

- We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some
shopping during them.

- Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant
conversation to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of
the lavatory, is either: 1) illegally transporting something 2) under the
influence or 3) posessing some felony warrant out for them.

- If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about
it I don't believe your answer. ( people, you would not belive how often this happens)

- If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users I
may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but
I'm secretly laughing my ass off at the poetic justice of the situation. (how true, sorry folks)

- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't
do..." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.

- EVERYONE lies. The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble, the
victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy
look worse. The truth is usually somewhere in between.

- Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of beers"
and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances
where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.
(Corollary: Everyone has exactly "two beers" before being involved in an accident.)

- I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know well
enough to borrow their car. So should you. Unless they aren't really your
cousin.

- "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen
when I ask you where you work.

- No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were
peeing outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet
spot.

- If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you
are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, I do not
like foot pursuits.

- If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
"not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..it's
like Christmas morning, and boy is that fun!!!

- If you go to jail for domestic assault.......and your wife moves out while you are in jail; this is not a breaking and entering; she just took her shit and left; get over it; it is a civil matter.....and we are not going to go get it for you!

-additionally.....if you are married and own the same property....it belongs to both of you.......car included.......so ......No you cannot report it stolen.....and no we aren't going to get it back for you

[jmur5074]

Great post!

[lewisipso]

Hahahahahaha!!!! That's priceless!

[conalabu]

- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't
do..." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.

Ex-freaking-actly. Without question the best statement in a bunch of good statements.

[Ducky]

-additionally.....if you are married and own the same property....it belongs to both of you.......car included.......so ......No you cannot report it stolen.....and no we aren't going to get it back for you

I wish I'd know that when I was 22, my marriage would have ended that much sooner if I'd moved his car to get to mine and left.


But then, I could have backed over him, too. And I'd be out of jail now....

[OffDuty]

No shit. I start my FTO spiels now with "EVERYONE we come into contact today will lie to you. Its up to you to determine what that lie is and what you are willing to let people get away with when thay are lying to you. Also up to you when you decide to call people on those lies- which is the real fun part"

Then that is their test through the day.

[Sapper_132]

Great Post

[rob84]

- If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
"not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..it's
like Christmas morning, and boy is that fun!!!

[snuffy2202]

-
-additionally.....if you are married and own the same property....it belongs to both of you.......car included.......so ......No you cannot report it stolen.....and no we aren't going to get it back for you

I had that happen last week. The lady (I use the term loosely) wanted me to get her car keys from the man she JUST married two weeks prior! When I told her the car was his and well as hers, she said it was hers BEFORE they were married. I tried to convince her that it is communal property, but no luck. I just drove off!

[Lazy Fed]

Ahh soo true all that is. My favorite is the bathroom. Like Mr Officer I know my car is going to get searched, but first can I use the restroom and dump my dope

[Kpdpipes]

The Lot Lizard in the truck's sleeper, is always the trucker's neice... nevermind little differences like skin color, or the fact that he never seems to know her name.