Welcome to the APBWeb.
Results 1 to 11 of 11
  1. #1
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-05-06
    Location
    Once a New Yawker, Always a New Yawker
    Posts
    5,456
    Rep Power
    1532833

    Things Cops Know ...........

    - The running speed of a Belgian Malinois (a dog) is at least twice that of the
    average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one,
    please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time if you
    want to avoid getting bit.

    - If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close friends
    who just commited a crime and don't want to be implicated with
    aforementioned friend.

    -Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something.
    Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something. (very true)

    - If you get called to a 911 hangup and a guy answers the door with a 9
    month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have accidentally
    dialed it", he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn't
    want you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant
    as well.

    - If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect you
    to know your friends last name.

    - If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see
    a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep
    the $20.

    - If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't
    need a warrant.

    - If they tell you they borrowed the jacket or pants from a friend, just before you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket or pants.

    - We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some
    shopping during them.

    - Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant
    conversation to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of
    the lavatory, is either: 1) illegally transporting something 2) under the
    influence or 3) posessing some felony warrant out for them.

    - If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about
    it I don't believe your answer. ( people, you would not belive how often this happens)

    - If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users I
    may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but
    I'm secretly laughing my ass off at the poetic justice of the situation. (how true, sorry folks)

    - Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't
    do..." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.

    - EVERYONE lies. The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble, the
    victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy
    look worse. The truth is usually somewhere in between.

    - Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of beers"
    and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances
    where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.
    (Corollary: Everyone has exactly "two beers" before being involved in an accident.)

    - I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know well
    enough to borrow their car. So should you. Unless they aren't really your
    cousin.

    - "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen
    when I ask you where you work.

    - No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were
    peeing outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet
    spot.

    - If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you
    are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, I do not
    like foot pursuits.

    - If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
    "not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..it's
    like Christmas morning, and boy is that fun!!!

    - If you go to jail for domestic assault.......and your wife moves out while you are in jail; this is not a breaking and entering; she just took her shit and left; get over it; it is a civil matter.....and we are not going to go get it for you!

    -additionally.....if you are married and own the same property....it belongs to both of you.......car included.......so ......No you cannot report it stolen.....and no we aren't going to get it back for you
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  2. #2
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Site Moderator
    Join Date
    12-04-05
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    9,047
    Rep Power
    6232607
    Great post!
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  3. #3
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    02-02-07
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    14,657
    Rep Power
    6822865
    Hahahahahaha!!!! That's priceless!
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  4. #4
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    05-16-06
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    3,406
    Rep Power
    4019271
    Quote Originally Posted by Resident Smart Ass View Post
    - Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't
    do..." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.
    Ex-freaking-actly. Without question the best statement in a bunch of good statements.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  5. #5
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Join Date
    12-05-05
    Location
    Handbasket, enroute to somewhere hot.
    Posts
    11,096
    Rep Power
    7381621
    -additionally.....if you are married and own the same property....it belongs to both of you.......car included.......so ......No you cannot report it stolen.....and no we aren't going to get it back for you
    I wish I'd know that when I was 22, my marriage would have ended that much sooner if I'd moved his car to get to mine and left.


    But then, I could have backed over him, too. And I'd be out of jail now....
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  6. #6
    OffDuty's Avatar
    OffDuty is offline The Shotgun is Family.
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    08-15-06
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    761
    Rep Power
    173505
    No shit. I start my FTO spiels now with "EVERYONE we come into contact today will lie to you. Its up to you to determine what that lie is and what you are willing to let people get away with when thay are lying to you. Also up to you when you decide to call people on those lies- which is the real fun part"

    Then that is their test through the day.
    There are only two kinds of real justice left: street and poetic...


    Canada, huh? Almost made it...

    *DISCLAIMER*The opinions expressed here are my own delusions. My employer administraton would at best shake their heads and sigh; or at worst severely repudiate the content of these posts, should it ever manage to appear on their radar.

  7. #7
    Sapper_132's Avatar
    Sapper_132 is offline Master Turd Cutter
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    05-10-06
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    1,314
    Rep Power
    7084528
    Great Post
    Just because your sign off after you're shift is done, doesn't mean that it's over and put blinders on. You're a cop 24/7 wether you like it or not. If thats something you can't handle, you should find a new line of work!

  8. #8
    rob84's Avatar
    rob84 is offline Did you press the power button?
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Join Date
    01-19-07
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    2,008
    Rep Power
    352422
    - If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
    "not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..it's
    like Christmas morning, and boy is that fun!!!


    www.twitter.com/RobKimble1984
    www.facebook.com/robkimble

  9. #9
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-16-06
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    1,704
    Rep Power
    384426
    Quote Originally Posted by Resident Smart Ass View Post
    -
    -additionally.....if you are married and own the same property....it belongs to both of you.......car included.......so ......No you cannot report it stolen.....and no we aren't going to get it back for you
    I had that happen last week. The lady (I use the term loosely) wanted me to get her car keys from the man she JUST married two weeks prior! When I told her the car was his and well as hers, she said it was hers BEFORE they were married. I tried to convince her that it is communal property, but no luck. I just drove off!

  10. #10
    Lazy Fed's Avatar
    Lazy Fed is offline Curmudgeon
    Join Date
    12-07-05
    Location
    Dirtroit Michigan
    Posts
    3,000
    Rep Power
    2950562
    Ahh soo true all that is. My favorite is the bathroom. Like Mr Officer I know my car is going to get searched, but first can I use the restroom and dump my dope
    dulce et decorum est pro patria mori


    Quote Originally Posted by Resident Smart Ass
    Life is to short not to experience Lazy Fed
    ___ ___ ___
    {o,o} {-.-} {0,0}
    |)__) |)_(| (__(|
    -"-"- -"-"- -"-"-
    O RLY?? YA RLY NO WAI!!!!

    The incoherent statements given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency or any other person for that matter. They are MY PERSONAL DELUSIONAL FANTASIES and I accept sole responsibility as such as I am either drunk or stressed out of my mind.

  11. #11
    Kpdpipes is offline Master Officer
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    04-30-07
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    287
    Rep Power
    141862
    The Lot Lizard in the truck's sleeper, is always the trucker's neice... nevermind little differences like skin color, or the fact that he never seems to know her name.

 

 

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. 'Cops' entering its 20th season
    By BEB in forum The Gymnasium
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 05-28-08, 10:40 AM
  2. Cops Helping Cops
    By BigDawg in forum General Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-26-07, 08:40 AM
  3. cops say the darndest things
    By markw76 in forum Shenanigans
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-01-07, 09:16 AM
  4. Public Awareness Program Cops
    By RIMAMARIA in forum In the News
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-28-07, 02:28 PM
  5. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 01-09-07, 05:36 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •