Welcome to the APBWeb.
Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Rep Power

    The Un-Copyrighted Truth...

    Well, its been a while since I ranted, dropped my two cents, or whatever you want to call it. I've had ranter's block... go figure.

    This morning, I was flipping through the obituaries in the paper. My new hobby since I've begun closing on forty is to take the names out of the obits and cross them out of the phonebook. I can't have superfluous records, you know... anyway, I came across one that really struck me. I just thought I'd share it with you guys. As a footnote, I don't think that obituaries are copyrighted, but I'll add a disclaimer just in case...

    The poster of this material verifies that the names, identities, personae, and descriptive text which follows is merely a dramatic representation. Any similarity to a any real person, living or dead is unintentional and purely coincidental. The internet personality "countybear", the staff and administration of Law Enforcement Forums (www.lawenforcementforums.com), to include their respective heirs and assigns, assume no liability for the following post, and as such disclaim any and all warrantable knowlege of any such correlation to the intellectual property of anyone, whatsoever. So help us almighty God, and So flippin' there.

    Now then, since the legal crapola has been handled, lets get on with my point... wait... what was it? Goddamnit I seem to have forgotten it... It was some pointless drivol about obituaries as I remember... well, at least the legal disclaimer is out of the way... ah, ok, here we go, now I remember.

    Yeah, so I was flippin' through these obituaries and I noticed one about a guy who lived a long, happy, healthy life, raising 6 kids, enjoying 14 grandkids, and even had a couple of great grandkids for good measure. How wonderful it must be for a man to look down upon three generations of his family before he leaves this world.

    As I said earlier, (you might want to re-read the disclaimer), if you know of someone like that who recently died, I am not talking about them. I promise...

    What I found most curious about the obituary was that this guy worked in a chemical plant. His obit said that he retired from XYZ Chemical (yes, I made that name up... if there is actually an XYZ chemical company, please re-read the disclaimer again). No, I didn't actually search Google to find out if there was, I just assumed that XYZ Chemical was a generic reference broad enough to convey no specificity... Oh shit, I mentioned Google, didn't I? Ah, hell... well, I meant to refer to Google purely in an ambiguous way... I don't know how to make the little (TM) symbol on my computer... uh oh.

    On second thought, maybe I better not post my thoughts on this at all. I am getting the feeling that somewhere on a rooftop, there is a Google hitman wearing Oakley shades with a sniper rifle, being spotted for by another suit bearing the tag "XYZ Chemical Corp. Action Team". I really can't afford to get sued, I could lose my house and all five of my kids... wait, the kids might not be such a bad thing, but the house has a Jacuzzi tub that I'd be lost without.

    Oh shit... I used a reference to Oakley shades and Jacuzzi tubs too, didn't I? Ah, hell. New disclaimer:

    The poster of this thread is currently in the process of bankruptcy proceedings, he has nothing but a pound of flesh to give you, since he accidentally infringed upon your trademark names. If you wish to recieve your pound of flesh, please forward the necessary surgical fees to "The countybear Foundation", in care of LEF, Terminator, conservator. As the poster of this thread is not a minority, has no tragic infectious diseases, is not an alcoholic or drug abuser, he lacks an excuse perhaps for his errant conduct. If however, a lawsuit or sanction appears inevitable, forewarning should be understood that the poster shall immediately claim to be an open homosexual and will immediately claim any legal action is discriminatory in motivation.
    Oh, and about the obituary, nevermind. Let the poor (purely imagined) deceased rest in peace, so the government can tax the shit out of everything that he worked for all his life, and his poor family can mourn the passing of not only his companionship, but also a minimum of 33.3 percent of what he planned on leaving them.

    Thank you.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  2. #2
    BEB is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Rep Power
    *Standard disclaimer applies

    I do so enjoy the obituaries Mardi from the Historical Society digs up. "Adam Smith, 23, found crushed to death under a rock. Lad hadn't blocked it properly and it rolled over him and flattened him out. Known relatives are being contacted"

    Another time entirely.

  3. #3
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Rep Power
    Smoking evidence again? What the hell...didn't I tell you to stop that reading sh!t? Take a nap.
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012



Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Tax Truth
    By iso607 in forum General Topics
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 05-26-07, 04:20 AM
  2. Truth is hidden in a joke
    By Magnum440 in forum Shenanigans
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-09-07, 03:57 PM
  3. The Awful Truth
    By Buttercup in forum The Media Center
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-28-07, 11:59 AM
  4. OK...tell the truth...
    By zap in forum Ask-A-Cop
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 02-12-07, 08:50 PM

Tags for this Thread


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts