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  1. #1
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    countybear's mailbag...

    Here's a nice email we recently recieved at CB's house. It comes from Billy Ed Stoner of Podunk, KY:

    Dear Mr. Countybear,

    I wants to be da' POH-LEECE, but I think that I might fail the polygraph test if they ask me about drug use. I'm smoking a J while I write this, I'm wearing a baseball hat (my lucky hat) what has a mariajuania leaf on it, I'm also wearing a Mr. T starter kit around my neck (which matches my fake grillz), and my screen name on Yahoo MSGR is 420forfugginever. I has only dun mariajuania recreashunally for about 18 years, (I am 22 now). I have only had two jobs before, givin' blood and I wuz a trustee for a while. I am hopin' dat sum dapartmant willd higher me caus I'll be reeley gud at findin' dope. (I won't even need a dawg and I already kno whut gud stuf looksded like). I only did some udder kinds of dope, but its been a while since I did dat.

    Mr. Countybear, due you thunk I can be da' POH-LEECE wun day?


    Billy Ed Stoner
    Podunk, Kintuckey
    Dear Billy Ed,

    You couldn't be the Goddamned police in Amsterdam, motherfucker. You see, drugs are illegal in the United States, you intellectually bankrupt inbred sonofabitch, and buying, selling, possessing, or even using them is against the Goddamned law, and has been for as long as we've known what the hell this shit would do to people's brains. You, and the other posterchildren for birth-control who like to send stupid emails pouring your flea-flicking hearts out because you are skeered of having to face your own stupidity in the Police hiring process should have thought about the consequences of your actions when you were sucking on burning ragweed. Please give up all hope of ever tainting the uniform of a professional peace officer. I am personally tired of watching scrubs like you waste the time of background investigators and polygraph analysts. And by the way, I really wish you wouldn't bother the crap out of my brother (and sister) officers on the street by telling them through your snaggle-tooth smile about how you "would be POH-LEECE, but you wanted to make more money than they do".

    Signed with all due disrespect,

    Da' Bear.

    Do you have some stupid, no-brainer question that you want da' Bear to abuse you over? Send them to countybear@lawenforcementforum s.c om.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  2. #2
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Quote Originally Posted by countybear View Post
    You couldn't be the Goddamned police in Amsterdam, motherfucker. You see, drugs are illegal in the United States, you intellectually bankrupt inbred sonofabitch.

    What a classically countybearian combination of wit and profanity!

    Did you actually get this in an email? You need a better spam filter! Can't wait to see how you respond to all those Third World officials imploring you to help them launder money.

  3. #3
    BEB is offline Banned
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    Mr Billy /special/ Ed,

    Son, I wouldn't trust you with my oldest still on the furthest hill. You'd give yourself lead poisoning before you ever got a batch through it.

    Have you ever considered a job in public education? Hold on now, don't worry, if you write "Edjamacation" on a bit of cardboard that's as good as a degree. Just don't let them look close.

    Make sure you aren't smoking during your employment interview. If you must smoke something, smoke some Mary Jane as tobacco is both out of fashion and more illegal to smoke inside school buildings just now.

    Just because I understand you doesn't mean I want you on my staff. Private employer doesn't mean all you do is your own.

    The next time you contact me you had better have a clear plan for your life or your drug riddled application will be forwarded on to other hiring agencies for their records. Last chance, Bill.

    Not your employer,

  4. #4
    Tuff's Avatar
    Tuff is offline Redneckwannabepopo
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    Just West of Cowtown...
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    "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell

  5. #5
    trekgirl's Avatar
    trekgirl is offline Officer First Class
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    Washington State
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    Good one CB!!

  6. #6
    Pudge's Avatar
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    Rep enroute dude! That was hilarious.
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    The opinions given in my posts & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Pudge" on Officerresource.com

  7. #7
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Damn CB what a way to crush my.........I mean this young lads dream.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper

    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan

    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)

    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.



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