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  1. #1
    Elle's Avatar
    Elle is offline Banned
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    Hillarious Craigslist Ad - A Must Read

    That Craigslist Ad (The One Posted By The Enterprising Young Woman)
    Most of you have seen this (and forwarded to us) already but, for the record, this was the question:

    What am I doing wrong?
    Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

    Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

    Here are my questions specifically:

    - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

    -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
    feelings

    -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

    - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

    - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

    - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

    Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------
    And this is the answer:

    I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
    Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

    So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

    So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

    Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

    By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

    With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

    I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

  2. #2
    BrickCop's Avatar
    BrickCop is offline "Shrinkage Proof"
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    You liked my reply huh? Admittedly, it was brutally frank but the economically challenged ditz had it coming.



    Why no, that's not a pregnant anaconda in my pants...why do you ask?

  3. #3
    TwanimusPrime's Avatar
    TwanimusPrime is offline Moving on up...to the east side!
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  4. #4
    Elle's Avatar
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    LOL! Actually to me that sounded more like something countybear would say.

  5. #5
    BrickCop's Avatar
    BrickCop is offline "Shrinkage Proof"
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    If a guy were smart he'd rent a limo, put an Armani suit on his credit card and pass himself off as a millionaire. He could pick up this conceited trollop and bang her into next week. At the end of the night he could break the news that he is a 30K a year shitbum and that she is now officially a prostitute.

    He'd then return the Armani suit for a full refund and would be shoe in for the Man Hall of Fame.
    Why no, that's not a pregnant anaconda in my pants...why do you ask?

  6. #6
    PapaBear's Avatar
    PapaBear is offline SgtCHP-Retired
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    Extremely well articulated in your answer. Of course I was expecting somehing a bit more to the point, like, a question about how she should perform in bed. I was, to say the least, a tad disappointed. But, alas, that would be crude and ugly!
    Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
    [George Washington (1732 - 1799)]


  7. #7
    So Fla Cop's Avatar
    So Fla Cop is offline Trunk Monkey Supporter
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    yeah....but some poor bastard is going to marry her.
    September 11, 2001 - All gave some, some gave all. Never forget -- Never forgive.......... RIP Brothers and Sisters.

  8. #8
    BrickCop's Avatar
    BrickCop is offline "Shrinkage Proof"
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    Quote Originally Posted by PapaBear View Post
    Extremely well articulated in your answer. Of course I was expecting somehing a bit more to the point, like, a question about how she should perform in bed. I was, to say the least, a tad disappointed. But, alas, that would be crude and ugly!
    I wish I could really take credit for the reply but it wasn't me....I only make $499,000 a year.
    Why no, that's not a pregnant anaconda in my pants...why do you ask?

  9. #9
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    500K a year?

    I'm a cop, who am I kidding??

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  10. #10
    Shoestring's Avatar
    Shoestring is offline Please dont check the trunk...
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    Quote Originally Posted by countybear View Post
    500K a year?

    I'm a cop, who am I kidding??
    Only going to take me 10 years to make what she wants, Cant wait! Damn one thing though, I have to spend almost all of it every year to live.... guess I am out of the pic.

  11. #11
    phantasm is offline Corporal
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    Over the course of my 20 years, PLUS my pension, I'll earn well over a million. Wait, per year? sorry.

  12. #12
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    There is so much wrong with this gold digger, I don't even know where to begin. Kudos to the guy for so eloquently taking the wind out of her sails.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


 

 

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