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  1. #1
    Virginian's Avatar
    Virginian is offline Major
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    Decoding Personal Ads

    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

    40-ish........................... ......49.
    Adventurous................... ...Slept with everyone.
    Athletic...................... ........No breasts.
    Average looking................Moooo.
    Beautiful..................... .......Pathological liar.
    Emotionally Secure...........On medication.
    Feminist...................... .......Fat.
    Free Spirit........................ ..Junkie.
    Friendship first....................Forme r Slut.
    New-Age........................... ..Body hair in the wrong places.
    Old-fashioned..................... .No B.J.'s
    Open-minded......................De sperate.
    Outgoing...................... .......Loud and embarrassing.
    Professional.................. ......Bitch.
    Voluptuous.................... ......Very fat.
    Large frame........................H ugely fat.
    Wants soul mate.....................Stalk er.

    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

    Yes........................... .......No
    No............................ .......Yes
    Maybe......................... .....No
    We need.......................... I want
    I am sorry........................Y ou'll be sorry
    We need to talk................You're in trouble
    Sure, go ahead.................You better not
    Do what you want.............You will pay for this later
    I am not upset..................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
    You're attentive tonight......Is sex all you ever think about?

    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

    I am hungry........................ .I am hungry
    I am sleepy........................ ..I am sleepy
    I am tired......................... ....I am tired
    Nice dress......................... ...Nice cleavage !
    I love you........................... ..Let's have sex now
    I am bored......................... ...Do you want to have sex?
    May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.
    Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
    Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
    Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
    I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.

  2. #2
    OXCOPS's Avatar
    OXCOPS is offline Usual Suspect
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  3. #3
    PeterJasonMN Guest
    OX:

    Could you imagine the write-up RNChick over on the other board must have to write then?

  4. #4
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Seems about right to me.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawgs messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawgs posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawgs posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawgs posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  5. #5
    TheeBadOne's Avatar
    TheeBadOne is offline Why so serious?
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    "When I'm driving along and I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN AHEAD,
    I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children"!

  6. #6
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    I'm thinking nail on the head.
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  7. #7
    Ducky's Avatar
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    "I'm a forty-ish professional woman who is looking for her soul mate. I'm a beautiful, voluptuous, outgoing, open minded, emotionally secure old fashioned woman, but don't be fooled, I'm also into new age practices, a bit of a feminist, and only friendship first will get anywhere with me....."

    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  8. #8
    OXCOPS's Avatar
    OXCOPS is offline Usual Suspect
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterJasonMN View Post
    OX:

    Could you imagine the write-up RNChick over on the other board must have to write then?
    Is that the write up with, or without, the whole concoction about her ex beating her ass, then getting shanked while in jail?

  9. #9
    TheeBadOne's Avatar
    TheeBadOne is offline Why so serious?
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    Hey, these things happen...
    "When I'm driving along and I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN AHEAD,
    I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children"!

  10. #10
    Hannah87's Avatar
    Hannah87 is offline Giggidy... Giggidy..
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    haha... funny.
    May you rest in peace Daddy and may you never hurt again. I love you and miss you and can't wait to see you again.

    12/12/44- 2/26/09

  11. #11
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    hehehehe whew... I haven't used any of those words!

  12. #12
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
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    Post for us the words you have used, we'll decode them
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  13. #13
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by maclean View Post
    Post for us the words you have used, we'll decode them
    Here is my Match.com one... it's been a while since I have used it...

    I am a very responsible, active, and honest person. I like to have fun and enjoy life. I LOVE to laugh! Humor is so important, it keeps you young. I am not the clingy type, it takes too much effort. That is not to say that I do not want to spend time with someone special just not every waking moment. I like to have fun; I am just as happy at home as I am out (club, dinner, outdoors.)

  14. #14
    PeterJasonMN Guest
    Here's mine from Yahoo Personals:


    "Allllllllright, who wants a mustache ride????"



    The sad thing is that's how I met Ender.

  15. #15
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterJasonMN View Post
    Here's mine from Yahoo Personals:


    "Allllllllright, who wants a mustache ride????"



    The sad thing is that's how I met Ender.
    HAHAHAHA!!

  16. #16
    nsb22's Avatar
    nsb22 is offline Crazilicious
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    Quote Originally Posted by OXCOPS View Post
    Is that the write up with, or without, the whole concoction about her ex beating her ass, then getting shanked while in jail?
    I have to say that was the BEST short story I've read in quite a while!


    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
    -- Ambrose Redmoon

    The views and postings of NSB22 are in no way shared or supported by NSB22's employers.

  17. #17
    nsb22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Illiy View Post
    Here is my Match.com one... it's been a while since I have used it...

    I am a very responsible, active, and honest person. I like to have fun and enjoy life. I LOVE to laugh! Humor is so important, it keeps you young. I am not the clingy type, it takes too much effort. That is not to say that I do not want to spend time with someone special just not every waking moment. I like to have fun; I am just as happy at home as I am out (club, dinner, outdoors.)
    Match.com couldn't find me a match! Or was it eharmony, either way, I find that funny as hell!


    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
    -- Ambrose Redmoon

    The views and postings of NSB22 are in no way shared or supported by NSB22's employers.

  18. #18
    Terminator's Avatar
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    I'd like to add a few for the dictionary to decoding men's english:

    Penis size large......................Ave rage
    Penis size average..................Small
    Penis size small......................you 're fucked

    Sorry guys.

  19. #19
    TheeBadOne's Avatar
    TheeBadOne is offline Why so serious?
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    "When I'm driving along and I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN AHEAD,
    I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children"!

  20. #20
    PeterJasonMN Guest
    They forgot one.

    Sassy.....Bring 2 bags of flour and a flashlight

 

 
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