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  1. #1
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Rules for Law Enforcement...

    Taken from a myspace friend...

    RULES FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT

    No patrol car assigned to you will be clean and never have a full tank of gas.

    New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy stains

    Court will be scheduled in the middle of your days off.

    Hot calls will only come over the air 10 minutes before the end of your shift.

    You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.

    Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.

    The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.

    Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom".

    Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.


    To error is human, to forgive is against department policy.

    You will remain in perfect health until your days off.

    Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.

    The oldest squad car won't be retired. It will be assigned to you.

    Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.

    Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.

    Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.

    Bullet proof vests might be.

    Your portable radio will never fail until you are involved in a foot pursuit.

    Vehicle pursuits always progress from areas of low traffic density to high traffic density.

    Your pen will only run out of ink when you are ready to write a ticket.

    NCIC will be down anytime you see a car listed on a hot sheet.

    You will never get a bomb threat call until the squad is away on training.

    Word processors only delete reports when they are nearly done.

    Your bullet proof vest was supplied by the lowest bidder.

    In a physical confrontation involving more than one officer, any impact weapon used will strike cops more times than crooks.

    Do unto others, but do it first.

    You will be called into work on your day off when your family has planned a party at the lake.

    Your squad car will only break down when you are outside your beat.

    Waterproof boots aren't.

    You will only be stopped for speeding off duty when you have forgotten your badge and DL

    There will be no parking spaces around the court house when you are running late to appear.

    You are ALWAYS downwind from pepper spray.

    You will only be subpoenaed to court at 0900 hrs in the morning after working an 18 hour day.

    To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!

    Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won't even recognize you off-duty.

    No one's idea is a good idea until it becomes another's idea...usually the Chief's

    On the nights where you have to go grocery shopping in uniform, you will get pissed on by a drunk.

    You always have a big use of force on your Friday before your vacation.

    If your raid is going well, you're at the wrong house

    The one time you cuss on the radio, your chief will be listening

    You will only roll through a stop sign when your Chief is sitting at the other side of the intersection

    The day you let your girlfriend ride out with you, your wife comes by the station to visit.

    Court will be canceled only after you have changed all your plans to be there.

    When closing the Sally Port door, if a fellow officers car is under it pushing the stop button will only slow it down.

    Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

    Anything that you do can get you shot - including doing nothing!

    The first sip from the first coffee of your shift always triggers the dispatcher to send you on a call usually an emergency or something that will cause the coffee to go cold before you can return to it
    Last edited by Illiy; 11-23-07 at 09:28 PM. Reason: Shortened it :)

  2. #2
    Terminator's Avatar
    Terminator is offline BANNED
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    That list was too long to read, but I disagree with the first one. I have my own assigned patrol car, and if it's dirty and without gas it's always my fault. Just ask my supervisor. I'm the cause of a recent department memo on patrol vehicles.

  3. #3
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    List isway too long..I only read the last one,,,coffee is very important...calls can wait
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  4. #4
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terminator View Post
    That list was too long to read, but I disagree with the first one. I have my own assigned patrol car, and if it's dirty and without gas it's always my fault. Just ask my supervisor. I'm the cause of a recent department memo on patrol vehicles.
    Wow... what a luxury...there aren't many departments out here that have take home cars... (with the obvious exceptions)

  5. #5
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Illiy View Post
    (with the obvious exceptions)
    any they are...
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  6. #6
    Illiy is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by Resident Smart Ass View Post
    any they are...
    K-9's
    Motor's
    and some detectives

    Don't start picking on me i'm

  7. #7
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Illiy View Post
    K-9's
    Motor's
    and some detectives
    motor's?
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  8. #8
    adroitcuffs's Avatar
    adroitcuffs is offline Visualize whirled peas!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terminator View Post
    That list was too long to read, but I disagree with the first one. I have my own assigned patrol car, and if it's dirty and without gas it's always my fault. Just ask my supervisor. I'm the cause of a recent department memo on patrol vehicles.

    LOL, so typical that such memos and/or policies are reactions to what officers have done! I've often been the one to say, "This policy/memo/reminder has been brought to you by another adroitcuffs moment."
    The true measure of your character is what you choose to do when you think no one is looking.

    #5


    http://officerbob.memory-of.com/

  9. #9
    AlDeputy's Avatar
    AlDeputy is offline Master Officer
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    All our regular Deputies have take home cars.
    But you're a deputy, you can't give me a ticket!

    Yea Ok, sign here and press hard there are 4 copies!

  10. #10
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlDeputy View Post
    All our regular Deputies have take home cars.

    So do we. With full personal use in county.

  11. #11
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    Quote Originally Posted by adroitcuffs View Post
    LOL, so typical that such memos and/or policies are reactions to what officers have done! I've often been the one to say, "This policy/memo/reminder has been brought to you by another adroitcuffs moment."

    So far I've been the cause of 3 shift training sessions this year.

    One of which was "Stop sticking motorcycles, AND WHY YOU SHOULDN'T FUCKING DO IT!!!"

 

 

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