Welcome to the APBWeb.
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 30

Thread: THE mall ninja

  1. #1
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Site Moderator
    Join Date
    12-04-05
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    9,047
    Rep Power
    6232607

    THE mall ninja

    This thread is not a knock on anyone in the security field. I respect security guards, and recognize the necessity of their line of work.

    But this is too funny to pass up.

    http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/


    http://www.myspace.com/tacticalsecurityenforcer
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  2. #2
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    01-18-07
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    6,512
    Rep Power
    4611614


    PRICELESS!!

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  3. #3
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    09-05-07
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    11,770
    Rep Power
    4546390
    I remember the thread on GlockTalk.

    I was wetting my pants laughing at the time, and it still leaves me in tears to read it.
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  4. #4
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
    Supporting Member Lvl 3
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    09-24-06
    Location
    Delaware
    Posts
    5,928
    Rep Power
    200398
    Lol....what a squirrel. I know a kid who would fit right in with that guy, unfortunately.
    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

  5. #5
    Bob Loblaw's Avatar
    Bob Loblaw is offline Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    05-16-06
    Location
    America, 2505 A.D.
    Posts
    2,840
    Rep Power
    3732192
    If this guy ever shows up here, you mods have to absolutely promise not to ban him or lock him in the holding cell...finding this human is about as rare as finding a dodo bird riding a unicorn while talking to Salmon Rushdie on the phone.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna
    he (Obama) doesn't have a birth certificate because he wasn't born, he was created in a Muslim witch's cauldron!
    Quote Originally Posted by Buttercup View Post
    I must admit, there have been few pieces of meat I've ever jammed into my mouth that have been as satisfying as Bob's.
    Quote Originally Posted by Gecko45 "The Mall Ninja"
    Vietnam still shudders when it hears the name of a an assasin so skillful and deadly, he is remembered decades later
    Reca is the best thing since sliced bread!

  6. #6
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
    Verified LEO
    Site Moderator
    Join Date
    06-15-06
    Location
    So. Florida
    Posts
    5,312
    Rep Power
    1659715
    I remember him........I for one am not ashamed to admit that I want to grow up and be just like him.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  7. #7
    HudsonHawk's Avatar
    HudsonHawk is offline Moderator
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Site Moderator
    Join Date
    01-17-06
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    2,510
    Rep Power
    1710425
    I lost it when he started talking about throwing smoke grenades.

    "never bring paws to a gunfight" - Jenna

  8. #8
    ex401mp's Avatar
    ex401mp is offline Was betrachten Sie?
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-04-07
    Location
    Sw Florida
    Posts
    1,810
    Rep Power
    626149
    I am the master of Bullshitzu. This means I can wear my special boots and climb the large mountains of shitzu without leaving a trace, then snipe you with my sniper rifle while you are shopping for your common no name boots that are on sale. If there is a white sale, I have a special tactical white bullshitzu uniform to sneak up on you with and then use one of my many stealthy weapons to remove you from my mall with extreme prejudice. No one will know that you was taken out by the master of bullshitzu.
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G.I.
    One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. ~ Anon

    si hic carrus commovet non quaerete

    RIP Scott L. Roth- Pfc 1st Platoon,401st MP Co, KIA 12/20/89- Operation Just Cause- Not forgotten.
    ALWAYS FIRST!!!

  9. #9
    Xiphos's Avatar
    Xiphos is online now I Void Warranties
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    03-09-08
    Location
    Thermopylae
    Posts
    8,336
    Rep Power
    7688650
    That's an oldy but goody. Good for a laugh every time.
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

  10. #10
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
    Verified LEO
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    09-05-07
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    11,770
    Rep Power
    4546390
    I wish they had the whole thread somewhere, there were some priceless zingers!
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  11. #11
    OffDuty's Avatar
    OffDuty is offline The Shotgun is Family.
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    08-15-06
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    761
    Rep Power
    173505
    Thats been around for afew years and EVERY time I read the whole thing over when it pops up. Whoo whee (wipes tear)
    There are only two kinds of real justice left: street and poetic...


    Canada, huh? Almost made it...

    *DISCLAIMER*The opinions expressed here are my own delusions. My employer administraton would at best shake their heads and sigh; or at worst severely repudiate the content of these posts, should it ever manage to appear on their radar.

  12. #12
    Norm357's Avatar
    Norm357 is offline Corporal
    Supporting Member Lvl 2
    Join Date
    12-24-05
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    975
    Rep Power
    983661
    Yup. Gecko45 is my hero!
    dlefdal said:
    Ummmm, what if I don't like thumbs in my butt?

  13. #13
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
    Join Date
    12-29-05
    Location
    Dallas Area
    Posts
    5,528
    Rep Power
    3224951
    I always carry some FMJ bullets which I slit and X on the point, making them incredibly powerful
    LOL

    (\__/)
    (='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your
    (")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

  14. #14
    TacticalII's Avatar
    TacticalII is offline Member
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    12-15-05
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    579
    Rep Power
    208893
    Some of my personal favorites

    "when our team saved the life and possibly the virginity of the Mayor’s nephew"

    "BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual. It’s when you practice it daily, like yourself, that you become a homosexual."
    "Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded."

    "I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life."
    And the best for last.......

    "I will always fondly remember the days of mall security, the expressions on the thankful patrons you saved from certain molestation in the mall bathrooms. The look of pain in the drooling face of the shoplifter you just choke-holded to unconciousness"

  15. #15
    TacticalII's Avatar
    TacticalII is offline Member
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    12-15-05
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    579
    Rep Power
    208893
    .........and it looks like he is still alive and posting.

    http://9x19mm.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=14

  16. #16
    Cidp24's Avatar
    Cidp24 is offline Tempus Fugit
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    07-17-06
    Location
    Crossroads of the Sunny South
    Posts
    8,129
    Rep Power
    3999623
    Now that I have quit laughing and somewhat regained my composure, somebody PLEASE invite him here!!
    *************************
    "It wouldn't take much for me to up and run...
    to another life somewhere in the sun."
    *************************
    "There's something inherently wrong with having to put on a bullet-proof vest and a gun to go to work."-(An old friend)


    Any statements or opinions given in my postings or profile do not reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employer or anyone else other than me. They are my personal opinions or statements only, thereby releasing my employer , any other entity, or any other person of any liability or involvement in anything posted under the username "Cidp24" on O/R.

  17. #17
    ex401mp's Avatar
    ex401mp is offline Was betrachten Sie?
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-04-07
    Location
    Sw Florida
    Posts
    1,810
    Rep Power
    626149
    Yeah, invite him here and let him post all he wants for a while. Dont let him know that it's a big goof at his expense. That would be some funny ass shit.
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G.I.
    One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. ~ Anon

    si hic carrus commovet non quaerete

    RIP Scott L. Roth- Pfc 1st Platoon,401st MP Co, KIA 12/20/89- Operation Just Cause- Not forgotten.
    ALWAYS FIRST!!!

  18. #18
    Shoestring's Avatar
    Shoestring is offline Please dont check the trunk...
    Verified LEO
    Authorized Vendor
    Join Date
    09-20-07
    Location
    Madison ish, WI
    Posts
    2,799
    Rep Power
    799021
    Wow, I think I found my new mentor
    Somebody Please, what the hell is that smell?

    "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

    The views, opinions, stupid off the cuff comments, mouthy, obnoxious, thoughtless, etc etc etc are not always or even some of the time the belief of my department, so bugger off!

  19. #19
    ex401mp's Avatar
    ex401mp is offline Was betrachten Sie?
    Verified LEO
    Join Date
    06-04-07
    Location
    Sw Florida
    Posts
    1,810
    Rep Power
    626149
    OMFG, I just read his post on the link that tacticalII put on here. Here is a part of it:

    As a result of my experience I have been brought into an organiztion known as the Mall Security Directorate. While The Directorate'sexact status with the US Govt is totally classified at the Ultra-Top Secret level those in charge have decided to make The Directorate's existence known as a deterent to would be terrorists and shoplifters around the globe. As part of this public information campagn I am allowed to discuss some of the general activities of The Directorate here with you.

    The Mall Security Directorate? What the fuck? It reminds me of a part of the Mike Myers movie called "So I Married an Ax Murderer". The part where he plays his dad talking about the rich and powerful people that meet at some place called the "Meadows". Some of the these people being the Gettys, Rothchilds, The Queen and Col. Sanders before he went "tits up". We gotta bring that nut here, it would be fun. After reading some of the other posts there, I think that he has to be goofing with everyone, or he is one sick person.
    Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G.I.
    One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. ~ Anon

    si hic carrus commovet non quaerete

    RIP Scott L. Roth- Pfc 1st Platoon,401st MP Co, KIA 12/20/89- Operation Just Cause- Not forgotten.
    ALWAYS FIRST!!!

  20. #20
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
    Premium Lifetime Member
    Join Date
    06-11-06
    Posts
    24,148
    Rep Power
    4764592
    "If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God."

    I think it's a parody and the joke is on us.

 

 
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •