THE mall ninja

[jmur5074]

This thread is not a knock on anyone in the security field. I respect security guards, and recognize the necessity of their line of work.

But this is too funny to pass up.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/


http://www.myspace.com/tacticalsecurityenforcer

[countybear]

PRICELESS!!

[MacLean]

I remember the thread on GlockTalk.

I was wetting my pants laughing at the time, and it still leaves me in tears to read it.

[10-42Adam]

Lol....what a squirrel. I know a kid who would fit right in with that guy, unfortunately.

[Bob Loblaw]

If this guy ever shows up here, you mods have to absolutely promise not to ban him or lock him in the holding cell...finding this human is about as rare as finding a dodo bird riding a unicorn while talking to Salmon Rushdie on the phone.

[BigDawg]

I remember him........I for one am not ashamed to admit that I want to grow up and be just like him.

[HudsonHawk]

I lost it when he started talking about throwing smoke grenades.

[ex401mp]

I am the master of Bullshitzu. This means I can wear my special boots and climb the large mountains of shitzu without leaving a trace, then snipe you with my sniper rifle while you are shopping for your common no name boots that are on sale. If there is a white sale, I have a special tactical white bullshitzu uniform to sneak up on you with and then use one of my many stealthy weapons to remove you from my mall with extreme prejudice. No one will know that you was taken out by the master of bullshitzu.

[Xiphos]

That's an oldy but goody. Good for a laugh every time.

[MacLean]

I wish they had the whole thread somewhere, there were some priceless zingers!

[OffDuty]

Thats been around for afew years and EVERY time I read the whole thing over when it pops up. Whoo whee (wipes tear)

[Norm357]

Yup. Gecko45 is my hero!

[TXCharlie]

I always carry some FMJ bullets which I slit and X on the point, making them incredibly powerful

LOL

[TacticalII]

Some of my personal favorites

"when our team saved the life and possibly the virginity of the Mayor’s nephew"

"BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual. It’s when you practice it daily, like yourself, that you become a homosexual."
"Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded."

"I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life."
And the best for last.......

"I will always fondly remember the days of mall security, the expressions on the thankful patrons you saved from certain molestation in the mall bathrooms. The look of pain in the drooling face of the shoplifter you just choke-holded to unconciousness"

[TacticalII]

.........and it looks like he is still alive and posting.

http://9x19mm.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=14

[Cidp24]

Now that I have quit laughing and somewhat regained my composure, somebody PLEASE invite him here!!

[ex401mp]

Yeah, invite him here and let him post all he wants for a while. Dont let him know that it's a big goof at his expense. That would be some funny ass shit.

[Shoestring]

Wow, I think I found my new mentor

[ex401mp]

OMFG, I just read his post on the link that tacticalII put on here. Here is a part of it:

As a result of my experience I have been brought into an organiztion known as the Mall Security Directorate. While The Directorate'sexact status with the US Govt is totally classified at the Ultra-Top Secret level those in charge have decided to make The Directorate's existence known as a deterent to would be terrorists and shoplifters around the globe. As part of this public information campagn I am allowed to discuss some of the general activities of The Directorate here with you.

The Mall Security Directorate? What the fuck? It reminds me of a part of the Mike Myers movie called "So I Married an Ax Murderer". The part where he plays his dad talking about the rich and powerful people that meet at some place called the "Meadows". Some of the these people being the Gettys, Rothchilds, The Queen and Col. Sanders before he went "tits up". We gotta bring that nut here, it would be fun. After reading some of the other posts there, I think that he has to be goofing with everyone, or he is one sick person.

[Jenna]

"If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God."

I think it's a parody and the joke is on us.