Life and Death

**lewisipso** · 06-03-08, 03:51 PM

Last night was an emotional night for members of my family and close friends. Not my wife and I but our kids. Apparently a violent and fatal single occupant car crash took the life of a close friend to my 17 and 18 year old boys and my 15 year old babysitter. In brief the inexperienced driver left the roadway at a high rate of speed, overcorrected, flipped several times and met her demise at the base of a tree.
After I made the notification to the family members and sitter I stood by as the news sunk in and the emotions began to run rampant. On top of this my sitters sister was on the phone with the deceased encouraging her to hurry to a get together at a common friends residence. The accident happened just shortly after her call. It would seem she now has a heavy burden to shoulder believing she has contributed to the accident.
I have made numerous death notifications in my day but this is the first that has come this close to home. The persons I had to notify began to look to me for support and answers. I began to think of what to say as I observed the emotional toll unraveling in front of me. My words were not carefully chosen as usual. They came not from the robotic comments we sometimes must utter under unfamiliar circumstances and persons. They came as they were thought. I hope they make sense as they seemed to do for my children and family friends. I want to share some of them here for anyone who has suffered under similar circumstances.
It is not possible for we as humans to accept responsibility for anothers actions. So please do not try. We, in truth, are responsible for our own actions and deeds. Death is not a pleasant cycle of life. However unpleasant it may be it is necessary to know that death comes to us all. Inexperience driving skills, youth, and being gathered into the moment all assisted in the taking of this life. The circumstances may be different to each situation but the fact is that persons who have left this world while engaging in unsafe activities have in truth left themselves victim to their own responsibilities.
My comments are not sugar coated for sakes purpose. Nor are they meant to be abrasive or offensive directed to someone's character. I say these things for this reason. I have a firm belief that God is not only no respector of person but not a person's body. Our bodies are given to us as a container for the entities contained therein. It is not our job to judge a person. We should leave that to God. With that aside we should be left with one lesson. Let the person that has passed on under such similar circumstances be a shining light. Allow the memory of the person and their death be as a lesson and sacrifice given. One of responsibility. Do not allow the death of a loved one go in vain. Let their legacy be that of teaching. Learn from the mistake(s) of a person and let that learning pass on from one to another so that others may learn from them. The sacrifice of one person may very well safe the life of another. Although a sad and sorrowful event, a person's passing under a momentary lack of good judgement or a lifetime of distressing circumstances can very well be a beacon of shining light.
If anyone reading this is having trouble with a death of such similar circumstance take heart that there is no shame in saying so and reaching out for someone to talk to. I hope this writing helps in some way.
Godspeed to you Raven on your journey. May it be just beginning. Although I never knew you I have seen how your life has touched the lives of other people and I will use your memory as an education to others.

**Ducky** · 06-03-08, 04:48 PM

My deep sympathy at your children's loss, Lew. Your thoughts and feelings on the subject are poignant and invite soul searching.

**mack** · 06-03-08, 05:18 PM

Well said, Lew, prayers to the children, lets hope they all learn from this and your words.

**Jenna** · 06-03-08, 05:43 PM

Wow, that is such an honest but beautiful and healing way to deal with such a tragedy. I never know what to say beyond the standard condolences when confronted with tragedy. Your family and friends are fortunate to have your guidance when dealing with this. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us as well.

**deputysykes** · 06-03-08, 05:58 PM

Stories like this make me think back to my Sophmore year in High School. SIX associates of mine, all 3-4 years older, were killed in a single vehicle car crash. All had been drinking. I was very close with to guys from sports.

I might have not have ever done so anyway, regardless, I NEVER drank a drop and drove after that event. I always did, and still do to this day, think about that event before getting behind the wheel after having any alcohol.

May Raven never be forgotten and may her memory cause many positive lasting impressions on many people forever.

**Code6** · 06-03-08, 06:20 PM

Prayers sent.

**Buttercup** · 06-03-08, 06:54 PM

Thoughts and prayers en route to all involved. Your words are eloquent and honest and I'm sure that they gave great comfort.

**Wolven** · 06-03-08, 07:05 PM

to you and yours. I am sorry for their loss and subsequently yours. Your thoughts are beautifully said and appreciated. Prayers enroute.

**CTR man** · 06-03-08, 10:37 PM

I think we here at O/R have another ranter on par with Countybear.

You said "My words were not carefully chosen as usual." On the contrary, I think your words were very well chosen. Hopefully those whom you spoke them to will recall these words and find strength in them as I have.

Along those lines, this resonates with me with the two officers that I honor in my signature. Howie's death was especially hard on me. He was also the first Line of Duty Death in my towns history since being incorporated in the early 1900's. As Bob had served with Howie, I naturally looked to him for answers. Bob informed me that Howie did not die in vain. Howie died doing something that he loved to do and that was serving and protecting the members of our city. If we must do something, let it be that we do our best to emulate the type of man that Howie was. I will never forget those words as long as I live. Sadly, our town lost Bob just a few short years later to a heart attack. I feel that I must do my best to emulate them both. Their legacy will continue to live on to this very day and well on through eternity. These men are the reason why I joined a few LE forums, as I felt the need for the comeraderie that we all share here. I think this forum is the best of all.

**gozling** · 06-03-08, 10:53 PM

I am so sorry you have to go through all of this
Thoughts to everyone involved

**Kate** · 06-03-08, 10:57 PM

Ditto what Jenna said.

Thoughts and prayers sent.

**Just KC** · 06-03-08, 11:28 PM

I am so sorry, Lew. You have such a talent at putting thoughts into words. My thoughts are with you all.

**sgtbear111** · 06-04-08, 12:50 AM

You did your job, making the notification, and follow-up as a parent. Notifications are never easy. The on-the-job bringers of bad news know they can leave soon. The support people pick up the pieces after the police, firefighhters, EMS or coroner leave. Unless it hits close to home....

There is no easy way. Prayers.

**Captain America** · 06-04-08, 08:47 AM

One thing that your constantly exposed to as a law enforcement officer is the reality of how fragile life is. Sometimes a person is allowed to make a mistake and recover unharmed. Sometimes not. WE of all people should realize how precious ever moment of life is. WE because of this exposure should enjoy every moment of time spent with our family and friends. WE constantly see people throwing away or not appreciating the value of life either in one final stupid act or a little at a time. Thats why its important to appreciate people like James Lewis and be thankful they are a part of our lives.