Okay guys and girls, I am in a bit of a pickle...if you have the time, read to the end. It's like a John Cuzack movie, swear to god. :D
So I've known this girl for a good while, a little over a year. Really cute, my age, just a fun chick. We didn't really see eachother that often. When we did, it was friendly, never really flirtacious. A couple months after I met her, she started dating some dude, and they've now been engaged for about 6 months, and have a house together. Oh yeah, she also has a two year old son from a previous relationship.
Anyhow, fast forward to about 2 months ago. A mutual friend (fellow LEO who is female) comes in and starts teasing me about how this girl, we'll call her Mary, has this big crush on me. I tell her to can it, Mary is engaged. She's all yeah, that doesn't change the fact that she still thinks you're hot.
So I do what guys all over would do in this position. I exploit it! :thumb: Every time I see her, I'm extra suave, extra flirtacious, etc. etc. Well, Mary after a couple weeks of the drastic change goes to my co-worker and says "Did you tell him??" Co-worker folds under the pressure and tells her. Mary knows that I know what she thinks of me now.
When I saw her next, it was a bit awkward, as we both knew that the other knew...if that makes any sense. That didn't last long, as we actually started to become pretty good friends. Well, it turns out that her engagement is not quite the fairy-tale that she hoped for. Her boyfriend has turned out to be kind of a liar...little white lies, but they're about things that are important to her, i.e. that he spent the day looking at possible sites for the wedding with her dad, when he really did no such thing. How much he spent on flowers for Valentine's Day, etc. In addition, she's not a fan in how he treats her kid....that's a whole story in and of itself. Either way, she's just getting the feeling that the marriage is not meant to be, and is in fear that maybe she is staying with him because it is convenient (having a live-in sitter, etc) She says she loves him...she thinks. Uh oh, right? I don't say anything...EVER. COmpletely neutral...I don't take a position either way in the conversation. I just let her vent.
Well, we end up starting to text message...a lot. Phone calls too. She comes by work for dinner with me sometimes if she can swing a sitter. We are becoming pretty chummy I guess. Well, a couple weeks back, I am on my Friday at work. I am sceduled til 3am, but am planning on flexing some training time out and starting my weekend early and leaving at 1am. I get a text message at about 2345 from her..."What are you doing?" Working, why? "I am at XYZ bar with some friends, gonna see if you wanted to hang out." I finagle out of work at midnight and head over to the place about 10 mins away...time enough for a couple of cold ones.
We are leaving the place and say our goodbyes. I stop at a nearby gas station to fill up, my phon beeps. "Are you going home?" At the gas station right now, why? "I dunno...nevermind." No what's up? Are you okay? "Yea...you're really cute and I still wanted to hang out....." Uh oh...I tried to reason that maybe one of her friends was messing around...I couln't fathom her actually coming out and saying this.
Anyhow, the next day, I text her andshe apologizes for the message. I told her not to be, and vaguely said "Don't be sorry...after all, I'm the one that came to see you right?" That smoothed things over, and we planned to meet for dinner in a couple nights. The next night, I saw her driving through my city at night, so I pulled her over :D. We talk for a bit, confirm dinner plans, etc. She goes on her way...later that night I get a text. "I love you in uniform...please be safe tonight. I'm going to bed, sweet dreams...." WE go to dinner a few days later (She meets me in my city as I am on duty). Later that night, she texts me, thanking me for paying. I told her no problem, I had a good time. She texts "I had fun too...didn't want it to end. ; )" UH OH.
I can't lie...I am really attracted to this girl...to the point where I can't get enough of her. You know that feeling? When you are in the initial stages and you just can't get enough of them? I love that feeling, and unfortunately I'm going through it now with an engaged chick who has already bought a HOUSE with her fiance. :doh: Our texts are really flirtacious...NEVER anything sexual or inappropriate...just playful "I know you know I think you're cute" type attitude to them. We watched Wedding Crashers one night and let me tell you...we could barely look at eachother, it was a little close to home, LOL.
So, fast forward to this week. We share a day off...she's got Tues/Wed, I've got Wed/Thurs. We plan to hang out last night at a nearby bar...it's ladies night so she'll drink free. :angel: I suggest she bring a friend...more as a safety precaution to keep me in line than anything else. I am doing my damnedest not to be a factor if her relationship goes down the tubes. I really am. It may not seem like it, but that's how I feel. Her guy might be a schmutz, but he might really love her, and if I put myself in his shoes, I know I would be super hurt to find my GF out with someone in my shoes.
She comes out with another girl who used to work for us as a Dispatcher. Really cool girl, so I was excited in her choice of company. Long story short, it didn't help. LOL The night was MUCH more physical in nature, due mainly to the beer lowering our inhibitions about being physically flirtacious. NOrmally, I shy away from it for the already-mentioned reasons. This night, we're touching arms, hugging, hands through hair, even holding hands sometimes. The last song of the night is that Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow slow duet thing. Spur of the moment, with 7 beers in me, I grab her by the hand and take her to the packed dance floor (this place is a big country western place with a central line dance floor...they play everything from alternative to hip hop to country on Ladies Night). We start dancing Jr. High style....you know, arms length away, as a joke. That didn't last...we ended up as close as you can get...the bast way to dance. :D Both my arms fully encircling her waist, her arms around my neck, her face buried in my collar bone. W aren't even talking. At one point, we bump into another couple, and I'm a smartass about it..."Christ woman? Where are you taking us?" She looks straight at me, dead pan..."I don't know where we're going, but I don't care as long as you're with me." She then puts her head back down. Her hands are running through my hair, mine are rubbing her back and she mumbles..."I'm still engaged..." like she's about to cry. Song ends, we find our friend, and leave. Friend drops me off before taking the two of them home. I tell her to call me when she gets home.
She calls, we talk for a bit. She's got to work in 5 hours, etc etc. She says she'll call me while she's working to make her life the hell of being up that early and hungover. I say it's a deal.
Fast forward to today, and I am a wreck. I don't know what to think. I really like this girl...we have an unbelievable time together. She's so easygoing, I feel like I'm cheating when we hang out. Last night's events were against my better judgment..in hindsight. Meanwhile, I texted her today, no response. She didn't call. I haven't heard from her at all. I'll see her Saturday, and if I on't hear from her before then, I won't know what to think. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've got it bad! :drama:
If you read this far, congratulations! And thanks...so give it to me straight. Am I a homewrecker? Am I whipped? Did she not call me today because maybe she's feeling guilty about crossing a line last night? Am I just an asshole?