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  1. #1
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    2008 Presidential Campaign Oscars, a CB Rant.

    In case you haven't noticed it, its all a production.

    Its a drama, played out by actors on a stage. Instead of electing a president of the U.S., we should just be voting for Oscars. The backstage primping and posing, the reciting of carefully scripted lines as if in a silly soap opera, and the reviews by the media critics of the performances, are all, all reminiscent of the priciest Hollywood production. It is theatre, on a grand, global scale. Rather than election news coverage, I think Brad and Angelina should just award the most powerful executive position in the government of a true global superpower... "Gee, Brad, let's get this over quick and make more babies! (Pretentious giggle, applause)... (Brad, hurriedly) The envelope, please. (Dramatic pause) Ladies and gentlemen, the award for the best power-colored wardrobe in a presidential campaign goes to...

    How is it that guys like Sonny Bono, Jesse Ventura, Arnold Swarzenegger, and Clint Eastwood get into politics? Because they are practiced professionals at the game. They know how to get into character. The problem that we face as consciencious voters is determining what is real, and what is assumed. Personally, after watching these terribly poor performances unfold over the past 15 or so months, I'm about disgusted by the entire ridiculous process. All of this contiinued pandering can only be for two ends; to sway the (as yet) undecided voters, and to vainly attempt to reverse "decided" voters...

    Here's a newsflash for you, just in case you are one of the horribly naive spoonfed masses... Candidates aren't telling you what they believe, they are telling you what they believe you want to hear. Sorry to burst bubbles, but I think the vast majority know this by now, or at least should.

    Honestly, if you are still on the fence at all, you're either a complete moron or... you're also so disgusted by this entire drawn out fiasco we call a presidential campaign, that you really couldn't care less by now... you're decidedly convinced that our choices are all negatives and you just want it over, come what may.

    Without further adieu, here are my Oscar nominations:

    Best actor: Barack "Barry" Obama - The hands-down runaway winner of this award. This man is by far the best I've seen since Bill. He's a master, and assumes nearly any role well. He can even cross racial lines seamlessly. While speaking like Al Gore (the whitest white man I know), he can actually convince you that he's an angry African American. That, my friends, takes talent. He's by far the most polished and groomed presidential candidate.. (um.. actor), in the history of our nation.

    Best supporting actor: William "Bill" Clinton - Again, clear cut decision. In a previous play, Bill wore a white hat, rode on a white horse, got the groupies, and ordered vindicating cruise missles to be fired on a Tylenol plant in the name of national security. Now, Bill has become the nastiest villain since J. R. Ewing. He torpedoed Hilary in fine fashion, all while playing the clutz. Fabulous performance. Bill's next role: A remake of "Fatal Attraction", where he stalks Sarah Palin for a dinner date.

    Best actress: Hilary (Tammy Wynette) Clinton - What can we say, Hilary did more to propel Barack Obama's performance to center stage than perhaps any other character. The ad lib about sniper fire in Bosnia was perhaps one of the greatest dramatic infusions into the entire 2008 campaign. Hilary has to be credited also with being the most tenacious candidate (um.. actress) on the stage. She had to be dragged off by the hook.

    Best director: Nancy Pelosi - She finally had to yell "CUT, DAMN IT!!, BRING IN THE HOOK!"

    Best hair and makeup: John Edwards (enough said, and even without references to makeup on his collar).

    Best original screenplay: Jeremiah Wright - anyone who can bark "God damn America!" and use loud, profane references to fecal matter on a pulpit sermon in an American Christian Church is just bold enough to be recognized.

    Best adapted screenplay: Sarah Palin (see Cinderella for reference material).

    Best film editing: CNN (how many times can you play "Bomb, Bomb, Iran..." from different camera angles?)

    Best original score: George Stephanopoulos - (Oh, you thought scoring was simply musical? Georgie calculates points made in debates like Boss Hogg counts money.. "One for you, and one, two, three, four, for me... )

    Best sound mixing: Joe Biden, absolutely. - Remember this? "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." --on Barack Obama. Wow, Joe.. just.. wow.

    Best art direction: The New Yorker Magazine. - (Remember the Obama cover? How can we forget them?)

    I'm leaving a bunch out here, like giving the H. Ross Perot Medal of Valor to Ron Paul, and two lifetime achievement awards (one for each lifetime) to John McCain.

    Now, lets take a pause from the invented and get real. Truth is, the American people are really still, the steering influence throughout this entire mess. If indeed this weren't the case, there would be no need of the stages, the pulpits, the lights, the teleprompters, the scripts, the cameras, or $400.00 haircuts. Unless we realize that we are the audience, and it is for our benefit that these people put on this dog and pony show, we could lose ourselves in our disgust of it all and walk out of the theatre without passing the concession stand. Remember that our tickets have already been bought and paid for, and even if the show stinks, the price paid was far too high for us to ignore.

    It is important to remember that we are in a crucial and pivotal time in America, and even voting for what we think are the 'lesser of evils" is important for our future. It isn't really just about whether McCain represents "business as usual" or Obama represents "change". Each of these candidates represents an agenda of proposed strategies which will directly and substantially effect your livelihood, lifestyle, security, and even personal liberty. Electing one will hand over-riding control of two branches of government to a single party's devices. I think its really about our survival as a free and secure nation, and I truly hope you vote your personal conscience, see what truth lays behind the masks, study candidate records, rather than just hearing their words, and make your voice heard in perhaps the only tangible way; vote.

    /rant off

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
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    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  2. #2
    mack's Avatar
    mack is offline Officer Resource Offical Auctioneer
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    Very well said cb! Too many people complain and do nothing about it. The only way to change it is to vote. Weigh the candidates records and by all means vote for who you truely believe will lead the country in the way you feel you want it to go. You don't even have the chance to win if you don't play.

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  3. #3
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    You missed one, Best Ranter- Countybear.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  4. #4
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    You forgot to mention Ronald Reagan on your list of actors to politicians.

    I don't think anything has really changed....whether it's a snake oil salesman, or a Nigerian e-mail scam....most people want something for nothing. They are unwilling, or unable to critically examine the pabulum prospective leaders want to spoon-feed us. It's the main reason our founders created a republic versus a democracy. They did not feel the masses could be trusted to make weighty decisions for the greater good of the nation.

    I remain in awe of what we have achieved as a nation, and I would hope that each of us reflect on all the sacrifices made by those who broke trail. Be a part of the solution and vote.
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

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    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  5. #5
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain America View Post
    You missed one, Best Ranter- Countybear.
    +1

 

 

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