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  1. #1
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    When you say... we think...

    A CB Original:

    When (especially veteran) police interact with a citizen, certain common notions often come into play in the mindsets of both. Given the context of the situation and the environment, some of these can be positive, some negative, and some, just downright humorous.


    When you say, "Am I getting a ticket?"
    We think: "Well, I'm not here to issue marriage licenses, sweetheart..."

    When you say, "You guys aren't appreciated enough..."
    We think: "Appreciate me by being responsible."

    When you say, "I didn't do it!!"
    We think: "That's only the 16,343,325th time I've heard that joke. Be more original."

    When you say, "May I ask you a question?"
    We think: "You just did..."

    When you say, "Is the road closed?"
    We think: "No, my car just broke down sideways..."

    When you say, "Do you know Captain Smith?"
    We think: "Yes, and he probably thinks you're an asshole too."

    When you say, "My dad was a cop."
    We think: "Where did he go wrong, I wonder..."

    When you say, "Some cops are assholes, you have to admit..."
    We think: "Some citizens are sex offenders, are you?"

    When you say, "I don't want to get involved."
    We think: "Neither do I, but my sense of decency compels me. Where's yours?"

    When you say, "Let me tell you about this cop..."
    We think: "Do I really have a choice?"

    When you say, "I'm calling your boss!"
    We think: "Please call him what you just called me..."

    When you say, "I pay your salary!"
    We think: "You actually pay a tax guy to avoid paying my salary..."

    When you say, "I WILL see you in court!"
    We think: "... yeah, three bench warrants and two years from now."

    When you say, "I gotta get through here!!"
    We think: "So did the dead guy who caused the crash that I've shut the road down for."

    When you say, "This is harrassment!"
    We think: "Yeah, so quit screwing up in front of me and leave me alone..."

    When you say, "This is because I'm (insert ethnicity here)!"
    We think: "Assholes come in all colors..."

    When you say, "My uncle's cousin's mother's step-nephew works for the Judge."
    We think: "He should find better people to wash the car, too."

    When you say, "You evidently don't know who I am..."
    We think: "If you aren't Jesus himself, I'm not that deeply concerned..."

    When you say, "You can't arrest me!"
    We think: "Seasoned, shocked, twisted, and/or unconscious, its your call."

    When you say, "I'll have your job!!"
    We think: "... if so, it wasn't worth having anyway."

    When you say, "I have rights!!"
    We think: "... and responsibilities too."

    When you say, "I got a ticket the other day..."
    We think: "... well, that would mean you have a fine to pay or a Judge to see."

    When you say, "I thought about being a cop, but the money just isn't there..."
    We think: "If it were about the money, believe me, I wouldn't be here either."

    but, just remember...

    When you say, "Help!"
    We still come running...


    Cops, feel free to add your favorite "When you say..."

    /rant off

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  2. #2
    Jenna's Avatar
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    These are awesome!!!!

    If I ever catch myself saying one of these lines, I'll think of this thread about what they're really thinking in response and burst out laughing and probably get taken to the mental hospital!

    Not that I would say most of them, but some.... such as "May I ask you a question?".....

  3. #3
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
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    That's great stuff. It all boils down to irresponsibility, immaturity, lack of common sense, and pure stupidity.
    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    Jenna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by countybear View Post
    When you say, "Help!"
    We still come running...
    Thank you!

  5. #5
    irishmick's Avatar
    irishmick is offline Do not mistake my kindness for weakness.
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    CB, those are great! And yeah...I think those things a lot.
    --"D.B.A.D." --Me

    --Life's tough...it's tougher if you're stupid.

    --"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." -Elbert Hubbard

  6. #6
    kjlaw's Avatar
    kjlaw is offline Swamp Mafia Proud!!!
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    I tip my hat to you sir. Outstanding post as usual.
    Lead from the front and always remember those who came first.



    Capt. Ocativo "OX" Gonzalez
    EOW 6/16/06


    Always remember that a casket is hotter than your vest.

    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu View Post
    Soon the whole world will be in the hands of the Swamp Mafia.

  7. #7
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna View Post
    If a cop ever says any of these seemingly innocuous lines to me, I'll think of this thread about what they're really thinking and burst out laughing and probably get taken to the mental hospital! :
    The mental hospital probably wouldn't be a bad idea regardless.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  8. #8
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    Chris, why again arer you not writing for a living?
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  9. #9
    Jenna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain America View Post
    The mental hospital probably wouldn't be a bad idea regardless.

  10. #10
    Kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by countybear View Post
    When you say, "Help!"
    We still come running...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna View Post
    Thank you!
    I second what Jenna said (a million times over too!).

    It was an excellent post, CB.

    Be safe out there.

  11. #11
    Five-0's Avatar
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    Maybe this is where I've gone wrong....I've said a few of those out loud. Now that I have read this, well you get the idea.

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

  12. #12
    Jenna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Five-0 View Post
    Maybe this is where I've gone wrong....I've said a few of those out loud. Now that I have read this, well you get the idea.
    Countybear will now be a sleeper program in your cybernetic brain!

    Maybe you should claim you have Tourette's!

  13. #13
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is offline Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Five-0 View Post
    Maybe this is where I've gone wrong....I've said a few of those out loud. Now that I have read this, well you get the idea.
    I was thinking thats why I get in trouble sometimes also because I've said a few of those to my "clients"
    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud

  14. #14
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    I watched a co-worker of mine do this....absolutely EPIC.


    Violator - I pay your salary!
    Co-Worker - (pulls a quarter from his pocket and throws it to the violator) here's your change boss.

    He then walked away without another word to the guy. I stood there stunned for like, 12 minutes because it was so bad assery.
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  15. #15
    Five-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jmur5074 View Post
    I watched a co-worker of mine do this....absolutely EPIC.


    Violator - I pay your salary!
    Co-Worker - (pulls a quarter from his pocket and throws it to the violator) here's your change boss.

    He then walked away without another word to the guy. I stood there stunned for like, 12 minutes because it was so bad assery.
    My reply is, "I pay taxes too. Guess that means I'm self employed huh?"

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

  16. #16
    sweetpea's Avatar
    sweetpea is offline Master Officer
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    That was great CB, Thanks for sharing your thoughts....
    http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/f.../ukbluejw2.gif


    "When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long."

  17. #17
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    You done did it again, CB! Now I just hope that if I accidentally say one of those things, I'll be talking to someone too dumb to "get it" or for whom English is a foreign language

    I've run across this already:

    When you say: "It's impossible that I was doing 87 in a 65, because after I saw you I looked down, and I know for a fact that I was only doing 75".
    We think: "Well you're dumber than I thought, because you could have claimed that you stopped after you saw me, and still be telling the truth".

    (\__/)
    (='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your
    (")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

  18. #18
    Odd's Avatar
    Odd
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    I should say "Thank you, I couldn't do your job"

    But usually it's more like "Yeah, I know..."

  19. #19
    mack's Avatar
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    Great post CB, as always!

    My dad, I miss him every day.

    Originally Posted by Wolven
    Life is too short to wear unsexy underwear.


    I am a female!!!!! LMAO

    Be who you are and say what you feel.....
    Because those that matter...don't mind...
    And those that mind...don't matter

  20. #20
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie View Post
    I've run across this already:

    When you say: "It's impossible that I was doing 87 in a 65, because after I saw you I looked down, and I know for a fact that I was only doing 75".
    The obvious answer to that, Charlie, is:

    "Well, okay then. I'll just write you for speeding and the judge can sort it out."

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

 

 
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