How Many Of Us Remember??

**Magnum440** · 03-17-06, 08:29 AM

One of instructors at acadamy said fear three things. God, Judges and your Mother, in that order. Maybe this proves him right, at least for one of them.

I thought that my mother was the author of all this stuff ! What do you think?

*I Owe My Mother*

1 *_My_**_ mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. *_My mother taught me RELIGION_*.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. *_My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. *_My mother taught me LOGIC_*.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. *_My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_*.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. *_My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*.
"Make sure you! wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. *_My mother taught me IRONY_*.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. *_My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. *_My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_*.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. *_My mother taught me about STAMINA_*.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. *_My mother taught me about WEATHER_*.
"This room of ! yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. *_My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_*.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. *_My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. *_My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. *_My mother taught me about ENVY_*.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. *_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. *_My mother taught me about RECEIVING_*.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. *_My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. *_My mother taught me ESP_*.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. *_My mother taught me HUMOR_*.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me"

21. *_My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. *_My mother taught me GENETICS_*.
"You're just like your father."

23. *_My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. *_My mother taught me WISDOM_*.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: *_My mother taught me about JUSTICE_*.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"