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  1. #1
    Magnum440 is offline Older Than Dirt
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    How Many Of Us Remember??

    One of instructors at acadamy said fear three things. God, Judges and your Mother, in that order. Maybe this proves him right, at least for one of them.

    I thought that my mother was the author of all this stuff ! What do you think?




    *I Owe My Mother*

    1 *_My_**_ mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*.
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. *_My mother taught me RELIGION_*.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. *_My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. *_My mother taught me LOGIC_*.
    " Because I said so, that's why."

    5. *_My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_*.
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. *_My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*.
    "Make sure you! wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. *_My mother taught me IRONY_*.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. *_My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*.
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. *_My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_*.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. *_My mother taught me about STAMINA_*.
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. *_My mother taught me about WEATHER_*.
    "This room of ! yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. *_My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_*.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. *_My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14. *_My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*.
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. *_My mother taught me about ENVY_*.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. *_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. *_My mother taught me about RECEIVING_*.
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. *_My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

    19. *_My mother taught me ESP_*.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. *_My mother taught me HUMOR_*.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me"

    21. *_My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*.
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. *_My mother taught me GENETICS_*.
    "You're just like your father."

    23. *_My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. *_My mother taught me WISDOM_*.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    25. And my favorite: *_My mother taught me about JUSTICE_*.
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
    Facta non verba
    "The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity and that's not fair!" Konrad Adenauer,

  2. #2
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  3. #3
    Norm357's Avatar
    Norm357 is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by MisterK
    I hold the copyright on that. Pay up loser.

  4. #4
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norm357
    I hold the copyright on that. Pay up loser.


    Cha CHING.

  5. #5
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

 

 

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