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  1. #1
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    I'm an idiot: stories from SPD - part 1 . . "fun with K9s"

    So, I was a narc defective. Me and my partner get a request from one of the guys on our department to help him do some buys with a CI. We like this officer, who is pretty new but has been a go-getter on dope stuff. We agree.

    After a series of things go wrong, a BG takes off, and I chase him. My partner was out of position, and I was on our tac channel so nobody hears me call it out. Luckily, my partner sees me take off and calls it out on one of our repeater channels.

    I chase this guy across a busy 4-lane road in traffic like an idiot, and luckily neither of us gets hit. I'm gaining on him as I'm passing an office building headed toward a residential alley when I hear from behind me "Stop or I'll release the dog." Oh shit. I'm in plain clothes and probably look even more like a chew toy than the BG. I imagine that nobody knows I'm in the chase, and the handler will release the dog. I just know I'm getting ready to be a milkbone.

    I start to cry a little, and unsuccessfully try to climb the brick wall I'm next to. No dice - but I did put some good claw marks in it. I press myself flat against it and try to think bricky thoughts. "Be the wall . . . be the wall." Luckily, the handler and dog go by. I sob my thanks a little and fall in behind them. Another warning or two, and off the leash the dog goes. Like a heat-seeking missile to a volcano. It really was beautiful. Poochy chomps on dude's arm mid-stride, and the dog and BG start struggling. Me and handler (apparently the only ones who can run under a 15 minute mile) are the only ones around it seems.

    Well, pooch and BG are still discussing things, but it looks like the dog really only has a sleeve. The handler says something in a language I don't speak (it's not English, German, or redneck, so I'm out). The dog immediately lets go and starts backing up, looking at the BG and barking in a strong foreign accent. I figure it's my turn to jump in, ground the guy, and throw the cuffs on.

    I bowl over BG (very gently, of course). After an instant on the ground and the BG still struggling, I feel a terrible pain just to the right of my crotch . . . it feels like someone showed up and is stomping on me with their full weight on my upper, inner thigh. The cavalry shows up, and convinces the BG to stop struggling with gentle persuasion. But the crushing on my leg is still there.

    I look down - and there is a K9 attached to my crotch. The dog and I make eye contact. He looks at me. I look at him. And then he starts shaking his head from side to side furiously. It's dark out, and I guess the handler doesn't see that poochy is gnawing on me right next to my junk. Keeping a level head, I scream like a girl (maybe higher - maybe a bit out of human hearing range) that the dog is biting me. I don't think the handler realized it was me screaming like a little girl at first until I said his name. By the way - the dog still has his original grip, and is still shaking and pulling. I'm trying to go with him, wanting to make the dog happy.

    The handler says he immediately called the dog off. From my perpective, I think he read a short novel, got a pizza, then called off the dog. The dog backs off. The BG is in cuffs, and has been educated on the errors of trying to escape custody.

    Well, this is really my fault since I don't speak whatever dog speak our K9 guys speak. I mistook "OK - this guy has stopped and had enough - stop gnawing on him" for "sick balls, killer." My bad for putting my balls in the way of BG's balls.

    I stood up, and I look like I'm having my first period. At like 33/34 - guess I'm a late bloomer. Some idiot calls an ambulance for me (I tell them to cancel, and have my partner take me to the ER). Well, of course everyone hears the radio call. So I go to the ER, and have to strip down and have the wounds cleaned up - a bit of torn up skin removed. Oh - and like two shifts of cops come to the ER while this is happening so they can make fun of me. And of course since my wife is a nurse at that hospital, all her friends also come by. I think they called in a few officers in from out of state to come by and give me shit about getting my sack crunched (even though they really weren't - a near miss). Of course, I can't sit down comfortably, but I'm providing loads of entertainment for everyone.

    Sadly, the dog that bit me died about six months later of "heart failure." I think it was poisoned by biting me so close to my ass, and it took that long for it to finally give in.

    My supervisor took a pic of the bite (which was surprisingly clean) right after I got done at the ER. It bruied badly over the next few days (like down to my knee), but healed with no infection.



    So - here's what I learned from this: if you don't speak dog handler - stay the hell away from them. Let the dog do it's thing. If the dog is release - go the fuck home. Or to the other side of town. Or go on dinner break somewhere else. Just stay away.




    Stay tuned next month for "SPD gets his tooth knocked out by a retard."

  2. #2
    pgg's Avatar
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    Haha, Wanna take some bites from my dogs?





    Whenever there is a dog released, I wait until the handler says I can go, otherwise I sit back and enjoy the show.
    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgg View Post
    Haha, Wanna take some bites from my dogs?
    Nah . . . got it all out of my system.

    Shepherd or Mal?

    The one that got me was a mal. I really can't tell the difference except their accent.

  4. #4
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
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    I've heard that the Malinois are super (uber) hyper and can be hard to control. Is this true?


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

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  5. #5
    pgg's Avatar
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    pgg is online now Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SPD View Post
    Nah . . . got it all out of my system.

    Shepherd or Mal?

    The one that got me was a mal. I really can't tell the difference except their accent.
    Yea, I've noticed that Mal's tend to have a higher pitched bark. Mine are all Shephards. I have 6.

    Quote Originally Posted by CTR man View Post
    I've heard that the Malinois are super (uber) hyper and can be hard to control. Is this true?
    Naw, all depends on the level of training. A lab can seem hyper and hard to control if it isn't trained.
    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud

  6. #6
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    That is a great story, SPD!!

    Glad you weren't seriously hurt!




  7. #7
    JeffW is offline Officer First Class
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    As a former K-9 handler I am ROFLMAO. The only thing that is worse is being bitten by your own dog. Don't ask how I know that.

  8. #8
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    I hear ya.............when I hear those famous words, "dog on the ground", man I stop and become so still I might even become a mime.........................
    Swamp Mafia





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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by JeffW View Post
    As a former K-9 handler I am ROFLMAO. The only thing that is worse is being bitten by your own dog. Don't ask how I know that.

    Sooooo.....how do you know that?




  10. #10
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    Ouch! That looks painful. Another reason I'm scared of big dogs. Glad you recovered and can laugh about it now!

  11. #11
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    OMG I was laughing hard on this one. That was a great story!!! Sorry!!!
    I'm ready for spring!

  12. #12
    CTR man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JeffW View Post
    As a former K-9 handler I am ROFLMAO. The only thing that is worse is being bitten by your own dog. Don't ask how I know that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buttercup View Post
    Sooooo.....how do you know that?
    Yes......Please......Tell us.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

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    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









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    CTR man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna View Post
    Ouch! That looks painful. Another reason I'm scared of big dogs. Glad you recovered and can laugh about it now!
    Little dogs that think they are big (i.e. chihuahuas) can be just as scary. The only thing that saves you is one good placed drop kick to the nearest 18th hole can usually take care of that.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  14. #14
    Xiphos's Avatar
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    Great story! Can I post it on the front page?
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

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    Cidp24's Avatar
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    I think I pulled something I was laughing so hard!!!

    GREAT story!!
    *************************
    "It wouldn't take much for me to up and run...
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  16. #16
    SPD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xiphos View Post
    Great story! Can I post it on the front page?
    No problem. Post away.

  17. #17
    Xiphos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SPD View Post
    No problem. Post away.
    Thanks! It's all ready and will post on early Wed morning. You're famous!
    Pleasing nobody, one person at a time.

    That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.

    If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.

    I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones

    Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman

  18. #18
    10-42Adam's Avatar
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    Crazy story but glad to hear it turned out okay!

    Here's a picture I snapped this past summer of a local K9 that I'm pretty proud of:

    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

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    That is so funny! I loved that story! I hope you recovered quickly from the bite.

    Thanks for sharing the story.

    Be safe.
    http://www.odmp.org/officer/16551-de...l-eron-shannon

    Police Officers put themselves at risk for strangers every day. Some do not make it home to their families. Next time you think of saying something negative about the police, remember...YOU are one of the strangers.

  20. #20
    Captain America's Avatar
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    Great story , Ofc. Alpo. Rep sent.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
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    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

 

 
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