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  1. #1
    Darin's Avatar
    Darin is offline I'm sooooo gonna score
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    I arrested Jesus....

    A fitting end to a busy weekend. I get a call from a "Kool aide" church that someone is trespassing. I knew right away that it was going to be a certain subject that we've dealt with in the past. He'd been barred from the church for being....well...crazy. And this is from a semi/quasi "cult" (hence the department given name of the kool aide church).


    We get there and he's sitting in the pastors office. He's soaking wet from taking a dip in the baptismal. At first I didn't know why he was wet so on went the PPE's. Well he gets told to leave and refuses. So I hook him up for trespassing.


    We go in front of the Magistrate and when the Magistrate asks his name he says Jesus Christ. He gets asked where he lives and he says heaven. Magistrate asks what his fathers name and he says God. He says he hears God talking to him. So I get issued a trespassing warrant (which the guy signs Jesus Christ) and a frickin ECO. Great....just what I wanted.

    SO for 3 hours I listen to him tell me I was a demon and that he rebukes my evil. He says he can see the red demon in me. The mental health worker comes in and the guy tells her she is a Jezebel and kept chanting Jesus is God over and over and over. So after 2 minutes she says dude is loony tunes and I have the pleasure of driving him to a hospital 25 minutes away.
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  2. #2
    Darin's Avatar
    Darin is offline I'm sooooo gonna score
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    I will give the guy some credit....he probably could recite the bible from cover to cover. That's all he does is walk around town and read his bible. The last 2 weeks we've been seeing him at all hours of the day/night so I knew it was a matter of time before we dealt with him.
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  3. #3
    Terminator's Avatar
    Terminator is offline BANNED
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    666...I always thought you resembled the devil! That mullet is just a cover for your dark side.

  4. #4
    Darin's Avatar
    Darin is offline I'm sooooo gonna score
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    He also called me a racist and a red neck!!!!

  5. #5
    Vendetta's Avatar
    Vendetta is offline Today, We are All Hokies
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    Your not a racist..............a redneck maybe. Oh wait your drive a Jap ride so you cant be a redneck.
    "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway", Buford T. Justice

    #1 Rule in Police: Sometimes its easier to ask Forgiveness than it is to ask Permission

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

  6. #6
    Virginian's Avatar
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    You're not a racist, you're...

    DARK SIDED!!!



  7. #7
    Wise_undergrad_08's Avatar
    Wise_undergrad_08 is offline Master Officer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virginian
    You're not a racist, you're...

    DARK SIDED!!!



    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!
    "A nation, as a society, forms a moral person, and every member of it is personally responsible for his society."

    -Thomas Jefferson, 1792


    Cotton candy don't get wet until it's in your mouth.

  8. #8
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    You know, if he was Jesus, you're screwed.

  9. #9
    Virginian's Avatar
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    I will pray for you, Darin



    What If Jesus Comes Back Like That
    (Pat Bunch/Doug Johnson)

    He came to town on an old freight train
    He jumped off in the puring rain
    Everybody says he's insane
    Just a low down account hobo

    He made his bed beneath the county bridge
    The town folks said that's not his
    They signed a petition they're gonna get rid
    Of that white trash low down no count

    What if Jesus comes back like that
    On an old freight train in a hobo hat
    Will we let him in or turn our back
    What if Jesus comes back like that
    Hey what if Jesus comes back like that

    Born with a habit of drug abuse
    She couldn't help what her mama used
    It wasn't like she got to choose
    Now she's layin' there all alone

    Got a monkey on her back
    Nurses say they never saw a smile like that
    Doctor says she might stand a chance
    If somebody takes her home

    What if Jesus comes back like that
    Two months early and hooked on crack
    Will we let him in or turn our back
    What if Jesus comes back like that
    Oh what if Jesus comes back like that

    Nobody said life is fair
    We've all got a cross to bear
    When it gets a little hard to care
    Just think of Jesus hanging there

    He came to town on a cold dark night
    A single star was his only light
    The baby born that silent night
    A manger for his bed

    What if Jesus comes back like that
    Where will he find out hearts are at
    Will he let us in or turn his back
    Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
    Yeh what if Jesus comes back like that
    Will he cry when he sees where our hearts are at
    Will he let us in or turn his back
    Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
    Oh what if Jesus comes back like that

  10. #10
    chris2001's Avatar
    chris2001 is offline Captain
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    I can see the headlines now.

    "Cop take God to jail, and goes to hell"
    Being the best is not what always counts. What counts is always trying your best.

    Remember who you are, and where you came from. That way you never get a big head.


    May those that lost their lives in 9-11 RIP, for the things you did not many could do. You left so many behind so that you could save so few. For now we stand strong as one, and will not look back till the fight is done. (me)

    http://www.danasoft.com/sig/Nowwhat%...5Csuphomey.jpg

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS only.

  11. #11
    lcsodre108's Avatar
    lcsodre108 is offline DUI Persecutor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darin

    We go in front of the Magistrate and when the Magistrate asks his name he says Jesus Christ. He gets asked where he lives and he says heaven. Magistrate asks what his fathers name and he says God. He says he hears God talking to him. So I get issued a trespassing warrant (which the guy signs Jesus Christ) and a frickin ECO. Great....just what I wanted.

    SO for 3 hours I listen to him tell me I was a demon and that he rebukes my evil. He says he can see the red demon in me. The mental health worker comes in and the guy tells her she is a Jezebel and kept chanting Jesus is God over and over and over. So after 2 minutes she says dude is loony tunes and I have the pleasure of driving him to a hospital 25 minutes away.
    __________________
    well By God
    www.alliedoddballs.com
    I can't do this test when I am sober!

    Respect My AUTHORITAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. #12
    Vendetta's Avatar
    Vendetta is offline Today, We are All Hokies
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    We had a guy a few years ago stop a van full of Nuns.........and he wrote them. He is so going to hell
    "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway", Buford T. Justice

    #1 Rule in Police: Sometimes its easier to ask Forgiveness than it is to ask Permission

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

  13. #13
    Indy Guest
    LOL I'm not even that religious but when the time comes, I'm not sure I'd write a nun or similar person unless they *really* deserved it.

  14. #14
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    I'm jealous - I only have sane people to talk to all day. They're boring.

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  15. #15
    lesta311's Avatar
    lesta311 is offline Evil is my business.......
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    I went to a call once that was dispatched as a break in to a vehicle in progress. On my way over there, I was updated on my MDT that " Jesus is vandalizing his neighbors car". Being the smartass that I am, I replied over the radio

    "Car 311"
    "311, go ahead."
    "My MDT advises that jesus is breaking out windows in the PVA?"
    " Car 311, 10-4"
    " I may need some back up on this one."

    Of course they were referring to the spanish pronunciation of Jesus " Hey Zeus", but I thought it was funny. The watch commander didn't, but he was a hippy.

  16. #16
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    (\__/)
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    (")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

  17. #17
    Prometheus's Avatar
    Prometheus is offline Senior Member
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    New headline:

    "Even the Lord of Hosts can't cut a break in Virginia"
    "Look, just give me some inner peace or I'll mop the floor with you!"

 

 

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