I arrested Jesus....

**Darin** · 03-20-06, 09:12 PM

A fitting end to a busy weekend. I get a call from a "Kool aide" church that someone is trespassing. I knew right away that it was going to be a certain subject that we've dealt with in the past. He'd been barred from the church for being....well...crazy. And this is from a semi/quasi "cult" (hence the department given name of the kool aide church).

We get there and he's sitting in the pastors office. He's soaking wet from taking a dip in the baptismal. At first I didn't know why he was wet so on went the PPE's. Well he gets told to leave and refuses. So I hook him up for trespassing.

We go in front of the Magistrate and when the Magistrate asks his name he says Jesus Christ. He gets asked where he lives and he says heaven. Magistrate asks what his fathers name and he says God. He says he hears God talking to him. So I get issued a trespassing warrant (which the guy signs Jesus Christ) and a frickin ECO. Great....just what I wanted.

SO for 3 hours I listen to him tell me I was a demon and that he rebukes my evil. He says he can see the red demon in me. The mental health worker comes in and the guy tells her she is a Jezebel and kept chanting Jesus is God over and over and over. So after 2 minutes she says dude is loony tunes and I have the pleasure of driving him to a hospital 25 minutes away.
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**Darin** · 03-20-06, 09:14 PM

I will give the guy some credit....he probably could recite the bible from cover to cover. That's all he does is walk around town and read his bible. The last 2 weeks we've been seeing him at all hours of the day/night so I knew it was a matter of time before we dealt with him.
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**Terminator** · 03-20-06, 09:21 PM

666...I always thought you resembled the devil! That mullet is just a cover for your dark side.

**Darin** · 03-20-06, 09:29 PM

He also called me a racist and a red neck!!!!

**Vendetta** · 03-20-06, 09:36 PM

Your not a racist..............a redneck maybe. Oh wait your drive a Jap ride so you cant be a redneck.

**Virginian** · 03-20-06, 10:16 PM

You're not a racist, you're...

DARK SIDED!!!

**Wise_undergrad_08** · 03-20-06, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by Virginian

You're not a racist, you're...

DARK SIDED!!!

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

**cntryboy0531** · 03-21-06, 01:33 AM

You know, if he was Jesus, you're screwed.

**Virginian** · 03-21-06, 01:34 AM

I will pray for you, Darin

What If Jesus Comes Back Like That
(Pat Bunch/Doug Johnson)

He came to town on an old freight train
He jumped off in the puring rain
Everybody says he's insane
Just a low down account hobo

He made his bed beneath the county bridge
The town folks said that's not his
They signed a petition they're gonna get rid
Of that white trash low down no count

What if Jesus comes back like that
On an old freight train in a hobo hat
Will we let him in or turn our back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that

Born with a habit of drug abuse
She couldn't help what her mama used
It wasn't like she got to choose
Now she's layin' there all alone

Got a monkey on her back
Nurses say they never saw a smile like that
Doctor says she might stand a chance
If somebody takes her home

What if Jesus comes back like that
Two months early and hooked on crack
Will we let him in or turn our back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Oh what if Jesus comes back like that

Nobody said life is fair
We've all got a cross to bear
When it gets a little hard to care
Just think of Jesus hanging there

He came to town on a cold dark night
A single star was his only light
The baby born that silent night
A manger for his bed

What if Jesus comes back like that
Where will he find out hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
Yeh what if Jesus comes back like that
Will he cry when he sees where our hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
Oh what if Jesus comes back like that

**chris2001** · 03-21-06, 07:23 AM

I can see the headlines now.

"Cop take God to jail, and goes to hell"

**lcsodre108** · 03-21-06, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by Darin

We go in front of the Magistrate and when the Magistrate asks his name he says Jesus Christ. He gets asked where he lives and he says heaven. Magistrate asks what his fathers name and he says God. He says he hears God talking to him. So I get issued a trespassing warrant (which the guy signs Jesus Christ) and a frickin ECO. Great....just what I wanted.

SO for 3 hours I listen to him tell me I was a demon and that he rebukes my evil. He says he can see the red demon in me. The mental health worker comes in and the guy tells her she is a Jezebel and kept chanting Jesus is God over and over and over. So after 2 minutes she says dude is loony tunes and I have the pleasure of driving him to a hospital 25 minutes away.
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well By God

**Vendetta** · 03-22-06, 01:39 PM

We had a guy a few years ago stop a van full of Nuns.........and he wrote them. He is so going to hell

Indy · 03-22-06, 01:47 PM

LOL I'm not even that religious but when the time comes, I'm not sure I'd write a nun or similar person unless they *really* deserved it.

**TXCharlie** · 03-22-06, 02:49 PM

I'm jealous - I only have sane people to talk to all day. They're boring.

**lesta311** · 03-22-06, 03:09 PM

I went to a call once that was dispatched as a break in to a vehicle in progress. On my way over there, I was updated on my MDT that " Jesus is vandalizing his neighbors car". Being the smartass that I am, I replied over the radio

"Car 311"
"311, go ahead."
"My MDT advises that jesus is breaking out windows in the PVA?"
" Car 311, 10-4"
" I may need some back up on this one."

Of course they were referring to the spanish pronunciation of Jesus " Hey Zeus", but I thought it was funny. The watch commander didn't, but he was a hippy.