I'm an idiot: stories from SPD, part 3 - "fun with grenades"

**SPD** · 03-25-09, 01:30 AM

This was from awhile back when I was first on patrol. And I was an even bigger idiot back then because I was fresh out of the Marine Corps, knew everything, and was indestructable. You know that guy. You've all met him. Well - that was me.

One beautiful day, I was out patrolling our fine city and I hear a call of a found grenade. Usually these are the hollow things you find at the gun show and are nothing. But this was a bit different. Some landlord was cleaning out a duplex of a guy that hauled ass, and found a what looked like a grenade to him. My supervisor knew I was a jarhead, so he called me by. Well whataya know. An M203 grenade in the closet. Cool.

I picked it up to see what it was, and no markings on it. The LT wanted to call in the EOD guys from Lawton (on the other side of the state). I told them I'd just take the thing out to the range and shoot it, since it was probably just a flare or intert training round. I mean, noone would walk out of a 203 shoot with any type of HE round or anything, right?

So I throw the thing in the console of my patrol car, and head out to the range (which is about 10 miles outside of town near a lake the city owns). I figure I'll just set it on one of the railroad ties that protect our turning target bases, and shoot it in the primer at 50 yards with the AR. I'm a sniper and a good shot and all - not problem. What could go wrong?

I go bouncing down the road with this 203 round under my arm and get to the range. I park the car a ways back and go set up the round facing away from me (that seems important and all). I go back to the 50, line up the shot and. . . .

bang . . . .BOOM - BOOM.

Please, God, no. That did not just happen.

But apparently I have angered our lord at some point in my life, and yes it just did.

Holy shit. It seemed like every bit of grass on the impact berm is on fire (oh . . . . it's summer, hot, and hasn't rained in months). I didn't take into account that dry grass just might be flamable. And I'm out there alone, and it seems like the whole range is going to burn down. I'm well and truly fucked now, since the FD ain't gonna get there quick and I sure as shit can't blame this on anyone else.

I think I actually ripped the trunk off my car to get to the fire extinguisher - and miracle of miracles, there are two of them. I go play hero, and try my best to put out the fire. The little piss-ant extinguishers get about 1/3 of it out. I go get the blanket out of the trunk. I throw it on the grass and go to stomping. Just a little bit of fire left. I go get cardboard backers from our targets, and start smothering flames with those - and that shit actually worked. The last bits of flame I just stomped out with my matterhorn boots. I fried the laces, and was just covered in black soot. A very nice portion of the berm was a beautiful black - contrasting nicely with the green and brown grass around it. But hey - the city parks and rec guys wouldn't have to weed-eat that spot for a few months. The blanket I used was a melted lump.

I waited around long enough to make sure it wasn't going to restart, and hauled ass off the range. On the way back, I tell dispatch I'm back in service. My Sgt sends me an MDT message asking if it went OK. I told him just fine. Oh - and I need a new fire extinguisher and blanket. Don't ask. Meet me in supply. And I had nothing to do with the range burning down if anyone asks.

Lucky for me, he just thought it was funny as hell, and it didn't go any further. But when anyone finds any kind of grenades, it's pretty well understood that I don't get to go anywhere near it.

**pgg** · 03-25-09, 01:38 AM

Too bad you didn't have video

So far for the launchers the chief has caught each time I've marked HE on the order list

**Car 4** · 03-25-09, 01:56 AM

SPD....your'e my kinda guy. What fun would life be if you couldn't blow shit up every once in a while.

If I had been caught for even half the crap I pulled, I would have been in jail.

Car 4

**SPD** · 03-25-09, 02:06 AM

Originally Posted by pgg

Too bad you didn't have video

No video - sorry. I do have on video (VHS of course)
-me getting shot with a stinger round from a 12 ga (the little rubber balls)
-me getting shot with a pepperball
-me getting a sting-ball grenade blown up next to me
-me getting gassed with CS in our range house
-me getting a close-up vid of a bang going off in this tiny little room (just for fun)

I always voluteered to get shot with new less lethal stuff. It always hurts, but you get over it quick.

They can go pund sand if they want to shoot me with the taser. Electricity scares me.

**Norm357** · 03-25-09, 02:58 AM

I aways look forward to these stories.

**Buttercup** · 03-25-09, 01:05 PM

You were so lucky that you didn't get hurt!!

**Jenna** · 03-25-09, 01:11 PM

Your guardian angel must get a lot of overtime!

**irishmick** · 03-25-09, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by Norm357

I aways look forward to these stories.

+1000

**Captain America** · 03-25-09, 01:36 PM

You every decide to get out of law enforcement , apply for a position as a crash test dummy, you have the experience. I'll let you know when Buster from Mythbusters retires.

**CTR man** · 03-25-09, 11:01 PM

Originally Posted by Captain America

You every decide to get out of law enforcement , apply for a position as a crash test dummy, you have the experience. I'll let you know when Buster from Mythbusters retires.

You could always hang out with Vince and Larry, the incredible crash test dummies.

**copboy** · 03-30-09, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by Captain America

You every decide to get out of law enforcement , apply for a position as a crash test dummy, you have the experience. I'll let you know when Buster from Mythbusters retires.

Mythbusters would be a perfect fit for him. They have on several occasions set a number of rangers on fire. Here recently they blew up something big and shattered a bunch of windows in some small town.

**mg32** · 03-31-09, 09:12 PM

LOL. I do know that guy you are talking about. If you ever feel the need to blow more stuff up please get video. I also agree about the less lethal. Impact munitions and gass are fine. Tasers are no bueno.

**Ducky** · 04-09-09, 06:02 AM

I'm so, so sorry I missed this one before.

**GASheepdog** · 04-09-09, 01:16 PM

I just read this one and had to go back and read the first two. Great stories SPD. Keep em' comin'.

**Buttercup** · 04-09-09, 02:05 PM

It's just about time for a new one.

**lewisipso** · 04-09-09, 03:39 PM

I think I know this guy.

**SPD** · 04-09-09, 04:52 PM

Originally Posted by Buttercup

It's just about time for a new one.

I'll see what I can do tonight . . . . have an idea boucing around in my head, but the story is short.

**Buttercup** · 04-09-09, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by SPD

I'll see what I can do tonight . . . . have an idea boucing around in my head, but the story is short.

SPD, as everyone knows - it's quality that's more important than quantity.

We'll look forward to the next chapter!

**Captain America** · 04-09-09, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by Buttercup

SPD, as everyone knows - it's quality that's more important than quantity.

We'll look forward to the next chapter!

The only problem with SPD writing another chapter is that he may have to be doing it from a hospital bed.

Thread: I'm an idiot: stories from SPD, part 3 - "fun with grenades"

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