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  1. #1
    Terminator's Avatar
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    Why change your car's oil when your girlfriend can do it?

    Why change your car's oil when your girlfriend can do it?


    So I was sitting there the other day watching my girlfriend change the oil in my car, and I was getting pissed because she kept struggling when she tried to unscrew the filter. I was even more pissed than usual because I was playing videogames as I supervised her from inside the house, until I finally had to put the controller down and go outside to yell at her.
    I stood out there in my underwear on a Saturday morning screaming at the top of my lungs. Then my neighbor, who's a total pussy, comes by and says "you shouldn't be yelling at your girlfriend like that." I wasn't going to stand there and just take it, so I socked him one right in the colon. His wife was bringing groceries inside when this happened, and as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to stop playing video games to go outside and yell, now this bitch was screaming at me like it was my fault.
    I couldn't understand what she was shrieking about, as she was flapping her arms in the air and screaming. She started crying when she saw the busted colon I gave her pussy husband, so she took one of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games. That wasn't the end of it though, it turns out the cranky old hag across the street saw all of this going on, so she came over to do what women do best: bitch. When I opened the door she was standing there in a partly transparent night gown, and it totally ruined the prospect of having a boner for at least 50 years. I was just starting to change my mind about the night gown when she started screeching at me and her stupid cat that she was holding started to hiss. So I took the cat and punted it over my neighbor's fence. She started crying "oh no! My cat! What have you done with my cat?!" I was laughing my ass off, then the bitch tried to scratch me so I gave her a round house kick and dislocated her hip. I was laughing so hard I shit my pants.

  2. #2
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is offline Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    This is missing several key things... was the girlfriend hot? What kind of vehicle was she working on? The specs of that vehicle? What video game was he playing? What level was he at when he was rudely interupted?
    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud

  3. #3
    CTR man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgg View Post
    This is missing several key things... was the girlfriend hot? What kind of vehicle was she working on? The specs of that vehicle? What video game was he playing? What level was he at when he was rudely interrupted?
    Or Were the Police called?

    Remember, some people are meant to be the police, some people are meant to call the police and some people are meant to be arrested by the police.


    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.









  4. #4
    tapout's Avatar
    tapout is offline keepin it gangsta'
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    am i the only one who found this story to be absolutely hilarious?
    in the warriors code there's no surrender, though his body says stop, his spirit cries...NEVER. deep in our souls, a quiet ember, knows its you against you, its the paradox that drives us all. its a battle of wills, in the heat of attack, its the passion that kills, and victory is yours alone.


    the posts and opinions stated by me do not in any way reflect the values, beliefs, or views of my department. they are simply opinions and/or observations which have been developed through my personal experiences. hell, most of the stories probably arent even true...wink wink

  5. #5
    121Traffic's Avatar
    121Traffic is offline Just Us
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    LMAO. This is reminiscent of Maddox. Hilarious shit.

  6. #6
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    getting back to the nightgown...

  7. #7
    Terminator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 121Traffic View Post
    LMAO. This is reminiscent of Maddox. Hilarious shit.

    That's who it is.

  8. #8
    IMachU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tapout View Post
    am i the only one who found this story to be absolutely hilarious?
    Yes. I don't get it, since I don't know Maddox.

  9. #9
    tapout's Avatar
    tapout is offline keepin it gangsta'
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    Quote Originally Posted by IMachU View Post
    Yes. I don't get it, since I don't know Maddox.
    i dont know maddox either, but it cracked me up regardless
    in the warriors code there's no surrender, though his body says stop, his spirit cries...NEVER. deep in our souls, a quiet ember, knows its you against you, its the paradox that drives us all. its a battle of wills, in the heat of attack, its the passion that kills, and victory is yours alone.


    the posts and opinions stated by me do not in any way reflect the values, beliefs, or views of my department. they are simply opinions and/or observations which have been developed through my personal experiences. hell, most of the stories probably arent even true...wink wink

  10. #10
    pgg's Avatar
    pgg
    pgg is offline Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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    Don't get me wrong.. it was funny... I was just trying to add to the important parts of the story to make it better.
    'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
    delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
    promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
    holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
    possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'

    A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity. Sigmund Freud

  11. #11
    Blue26 is offline Rookie
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    Hahahahaha wow

  12. #12
    JAYBIRD33081's Avatar
    JAYBIRD33081 is offline CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT
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    maddox is awsome lol i love his book, heres a lil preview of it for those of you who dont know who he is,
    The Alphabet of Manliness - Google Book Search

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by tapout View Post
    i dont know maddox either, but it cracked me up regardless
    Ditto & LMAO!
    NON TIMEBO MALA.

 

 

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