You Know You Are A Cop

[Magnum440]

Looking at this, I am thinking this one has been posted before, but didn't see it anywhere. If it is, someone can delete it. Thought it was good though.

>You know you're a cop if :
>
>1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.
>
>2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
>
>3) You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
>
>4) Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase.
>
>5) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly
towards you.
>
>6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control
pills.
>
>7) You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
>
>8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.
>
>9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
>
>10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which
it's located.
>
>11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting
it right the first time."
>
>12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing
>uncontrollably.
>
>13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
>
>14) You know that anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to
blow more than a .15.
>
>15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
>
>16) Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people
out there and you are here messing with me."
>
>17) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to
strange places...and you know where they're located.
>
>18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while
>standing over a dead body.
>
>19) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by
profession.
>
>20) You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize
their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
>
>21) You do not see daylight from November until May.
>
>22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
>they're being hugely funny and original.
>
>23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,
and 5 pairs of underwear.
>
>24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my
>Friday".
>
>25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business
deduction.
>
>26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,
>"Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
>
>27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
>
>28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.
>
>29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.
>
>30) You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight".

[Vendetta]

11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting
it right the first time."
> 20) You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize
their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
>
>22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
>they're being hugely funny and original.
>
>25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business
deduction.

A) I have dreamed of doing this
B) Wasn't funny the first 5,000 times and still isnt
C) Is stupider than the previous one and is starting to piss me off
D) I have before and am going to take my new Ar-15 off next year

[cntryboy0531]

You know, I've read these before I became a cop and found them funny.

Now that I've been on the road 12 weeks, I've discovered their is 100% truth to it.

[Standard Dave]

I would add another.

> you have turned the self proclaimed "hardest man in xxxx city" into a compliant civil member of the public simply by unlocking a door with your buddy and saying "what did you say, I can't hear outside the cell".

[lepdford]

I've seen that before...Very funny and true!

[katiemh]

>22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
>they're being hugely funny and original.

Weird thing is... this happened to me once by two older guys that didn't even know me... when I was in plain clothes. I said "um, what are you talking about?" and one of the guys goes "You looked like you were ready to kick some ass" and I said "hmm... weird... I'm in a good mood... I'll take that as a compliment though. "