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  1. #1
    Magnum440 is offline Older Than Dirt
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    You Know You Are A Cop

    Looking at this, I am thinking this one has been posted before, but didn't see it anywhere. If it is, someone can delete it. Thought it was good though.

    >You know you're a cop if :
    >
    >1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.
    >
    >2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
    >
    >3) You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
    >
    >4) Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase.
    >
    >5) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly
    towards you.
    >
    >6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control
    pills.
    >
    >7) You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
    >
    >8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.
    >
    >9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
    >
    >10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which
    it's located.
    >
    >11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting
    it right the first time."
    >
    >12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing
    >uncontrollably.
    >
    >13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
    >
    >14) You know that anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to
    blow more than a .15.
    >
    >15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
    >
    >16) Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people
    out there and you are here messing with me."
    >
    >17) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to
    strange places...and you know where they're located.
    >
    >18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while
    >standing over a dead body.
    >
    >19) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by
    profession.
    >
    >20) You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize
    their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
    >
    >21) You do not see daylight from November until May.
    >
    >22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
    >they're being hugely funny and original.
    >
    >23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,
    and 5 pairs of underwear.
    >
    >24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my
    >Friday".
    >
    >25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business
    deduction.
    >
    >26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,
    >"Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
    >
    >27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
    >
    >28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.
    >
    >29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.
    >
    >30) You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight".
    Facta non verba
    "The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity and that's not fair!" Konrad Adenauer,

  2. #2
    Vendetta's Avatar
    Vendetta is offline Today, We are All Hokies
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magnum440
    11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting
    it right the first time."
    > 20) You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize
    their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
    >
    >22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
    >they're being hugely funny and original.
    >
    >25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business
    deduction.
    A) I have dreamed of doing this
    B) Wasn't funny the first 5,000 times and still isnt
    C) Is stupider than the previous one and is starting to piss me off
    D) I have before and am going to take my new Ar-15 off next year
    "And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway", Buford T. Justice

    #1 Rule in Police: Sometimes its easier to ask Forgiveness than it is to ask Permission

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

  3. #3
    cntryboy0531 is offline THE five-oh
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    You know, I've read these before I became a cop and found them funny.

    Now that I've been on the road 12 weeks, I've discovered their is 100% truth to it.

  4. #4
    Standard Dave's Avatar
    Standard Dave is offline Constable
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    I would add another.

    > you have turned the self proclaimed "hardest man in xxxx city" into a compliant civil member of the public simply by unlocking a door with your buddy and saying "what did you say, I can't hear outside the cell".

  5. #5
    lepdford's Avatar
    lepdford is offline K-9 Officer
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    I've seen that before...Very funny and true!
    K-9 When the door pops...The bullshit stops!

    Go ahead run...I'll even give you a head start!

    When the public needs help, they call the Police.
    When the Police needs help, they call SWAT.
    When SWAT needs help, they call K-9!

    Duty not Reward

  6. #6
    katiemh Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Magnum440
    >22) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think
    >they're being hugely funny and original.

    Weird thing is... this happened to me once by two older guys that didn't even know me... when I was in plain clothes. I said "um, what are you talking about?" and one of the guys goes "You looked like you were ready to kick some ass" and I said "hmm... weird... I'm in a good mood... I'll take that as a compliment though. "

 

 

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