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  1. #1
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    What keeps you going?

    Waking up at 3 o'clock in the - oh, my God - A.M. to the radio traffic of yet another gruesome scene of human dismemberment, knowing that its freezing outside and all of the sane animals on Earth are huddled somewhere warm and dry in a state of hibernation can give you the feeling that the world despises you. With eyeballs like sandpaper under eyelids that are protesting being shut only a short time, I had that feeling this morning; that please-just-let-me-fall-back-on-a-soft-spot-and-go-comatose-for-another-day-or-so feeling. Add to it that my last two days "off" were filled with work from the two other jobs I hold, and the Blue Flu was coming on like Yersinia Pestis. A sigh and a deep breath, and a fresh uniform comes out of the closet and onto the curtain rod. As it is adorned, the gruffly spoken, but wisely chosen words of an FTO from my youth still rings in my head as if he were present.

    "The badge goes on first... " my dreary mind wanders, "always. This reminds you that today you are a part of a much bigger purpose than self. It doesn't shield your heart; your heart upholds it."

    As I fumble around in the blue radiant glow of the muted television, my finally clearing vision glances up to that lightsource, which is showing copious amounts of pink hovering over the radar map like the Angel of Death must have drifted across ancient Egypt. "Yeah, today is gonna be a winner..."

    Back to the uniform, lain across the foot of the bed now, resting silently next to my wife's slumbering form under the comforter. Oh, to be back under there, just a little while longer...

    "Then the nameplate, a reminder that it is you who makes the uniform, and never the opposite. By your thoughts, words, and deeds, it is always you who must honor those you represent and those who share the distinction of wearing uniforms like yours. Your name must be revered for its credibility, for without it you are worthless."

    She stirs a bit, softly mumbling, "Be careful today baby. You need anything?"

    "I will. Nah, I'm good to go. Get you some sleep."

    I wonder how she hangs on, now that the struggle to pay the bills far outweighs any grandiose sense of pride she ever felt seeing me suited up. Her superhero has time-and-again shown that his kryptonite is everywhere. She must hang on just to see what in the hell comes of it all... like the morbid curiosity that won't let you look away from a train wreck. Then again, she hangs in there; through the days and nights, and days again. Always making the best of it , as best she can. Being what all I and this career of mine constantly put her through. It must be love, for love is unreasonable, impractical, and inexplicable in its tenacity. God bless her.

    "The right collar brass reminds you that your physical strength may be tested this day. You will deal with evil today, and you must overcome it. You are well-trained, strong, and capable. You will perform unfailing, and in the face of any physical or emotional adversity, you will never give up."

    I hear the shift starting to go mobile, with early relief being made in outlying zones. A sure cure for any malady is the reminder that there are those who will have to face the world in my place if I'm not there. What will happen today will happen with me or without me. The only difference I can make is if I'm present, and if I'm not, someone else will have to be. There's a certain pang felt at the thought of someone taking it on the chin (or worse) for me if I'm not there to take it myself. No, sir. That's not gonna happen. I'll be right along.

    "The left collar brass reminds you that you will deal with the weak today, the oppressed, the injured, and the frail. Your compassion for these people must be genuine and never artificial. You must understand and acknowledge their perceptions. You must be empathic, not simply sympathetic."

    Strapping up, a weapons check, and a brief "I love you" nuzzle on the wife's neck, and I move out of the bedroom into the dark hallway. Checking on the kids and finding all of them nestled, an unspoken but solemn vow is made with all resolve, "I'll see you guys later." The "awesomeness" of having a father on the job has faded for them too. Sure, it was cool at first, but now the long hours away and the constant preaching about how they have to be so much better than their peers because everyone watches a cop's kid gets stale as hell to them. The stories that they want to hear about are exactly the ones you'll never tell them. You'll never tell them why you've come home before just to hold them for a little while.

    Opening the door, the cold grips me to my spine and wind-driven raindrops feel like needles on the cheek. A twist of the key in the faithful Crown Vic, and she shudders to life. As I wait for the windshield to clear, and the warmth to spill from the vents, a quick radio call into dispatch to let them know I'm ginning, and the mind wanders for just a minute more...

    "You're not in the business to win them all... you'll rarely even know when you do win. If you do, count it as the grace of God that you even survived. Everyday you do, remember that there are those who didn't. There is no recognition, no praise, barely ever a thanks, but that's ok. Just know what you did was the right thing and that should always be enough. Never ask yourself "why", only how you can keep doing it better. Its addictive, just like a gambler playing for a big payday, a golfer hitting for a perfect drive, or a drug addict trying for that massive high. When they get what they want, they profit themselves, but when you get what you want, you profit others. In that, there is all honor."

    I can't say what part of it keeps me going. Maybe its a small part of all of it. People never fail to astound, yet so often dissappoint. Do I still really love the job because I care about them, even more than some of them care about themselves? Maybe that's it. It is what sets us apart; that commitment to a higher calling. Knowing that my life cannot be lived behind a desk, even though that might come with nicer toys and a savings, the thought of that life resembles unconsciousness to me. Unreasonable, impractical, and inexplicable in its tenacity... Whatever it is... it is, and I'm still here because of it.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  2. #2
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    You and all like you.
    Another outstanding and timely post , CB.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
    -Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"

    Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
    -General Omar Bradley, United States Army

    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  3. #3
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    Whatever it is... it is, and I'm still here because of it.
    And for whatever reason.....Damn thankful for it too.
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

    We are who we choose to be.

    R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012


  4. #4
    Cidp24's Avatar
    Cidp24 is offline Tempus Fugit
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    Great words, CB.
    *************************
    "It wouldn't take much for me to up and run...
    to another life somewhere in the sun."
    *************************
    "There's something inherently wrong with having to put on a bullet-proof vest and a gun to go to work."-(An old friend)


    Any statements or opinions given in my postings or profile do not reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employer or anyone else other than me. They are my personal opinions or statements only, thereby releasing my employer , any other entity, or any other person of any liability or involvement in anything posted under the username "Cidp24" on O/R.

  5. #5
    pac201's Avatar
    pac201 is offline Used up and retired
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    Another great post! Thank you sir.
    Job security...

    Ecclesiastes 8:11 Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.

  6. #6
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Thank you sir for another great post.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  7. #7
    mfranklin01's Avatar
    mfranklin01 is offline its not vendication...its punishment
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    well said cb
    "Be Polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet"

  8. #8
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Beautiful reflections. Thank you for doing God's work on Earth.

  9. #9
    kjlaw's Avatar
    kjlaw is offline Swamp Mafia Proud!!!
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    Outstanding Post as usual.
    Lead from the front and always remember those who came first.



    Capt. Ocativo "OX" Gonzalez
    EOW 6/16/06


    Always remember that a casket is hotter than your vest.

    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu View Post
    Soon the whole world will be in the hands of the Swamp Mafia.

  10. #10
    N2Fowl's Avatar
    N2Fowl is offline Hey I'm a breast man!!!
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    You have a way with words.


  11. #11
    Twan007's Avatar
    Twan007 is online now The People
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    hey CB - thanks bro - like Capt said - timely and very well said

    in the world of catch and release... it's not about the game the knuckleheads play - it's about the honor we have to each other, and the commitment we have made to stand for what if right, and just...

    because if we don't - who will
    -=Twan007


    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

    Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.





    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in alignment with his employer. Matter of fact, the poster will deny any knowledge of any post... this message will self-destruct in 5 seconds...

  12. #12
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    Kind words indeed. Thank you all.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

 

 

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