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  1. #1
    AGalCop's Avatar
    AGalCop is offline Between Rookie and Ol' Timer
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    Looking for input......

    I have searched the web, bookstores, etc for information on this topic and haven't had much success, so, I thought maybe you guys/girls might have some insight. As a female cop, I have experienced all kinds of problems in relationships regarding guys accepting what I do for a living. I'd be curious to hear you guys thoughts on this (don't worry, I don't take offense easily) and would really like to hear from any girls that are experiencing the same problems.

  2. #2
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    hmmm I have never dated a cop......I'm married to a dispatcher.......but if I understand the question right, the only reason I would know a man would have a problem with a female/mate as a cop would be if that person either was insecure, or just didn't want you in the line of fire.....
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
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  3. #3
    1*girl Guest
    Girl! Lemme tell ya! I'm not even in academy yet and I'm already having problems finding a man that is man enough to handle a woman in uniform! My career plans aren't something that I should have to hide from a guy, but here lately, once these guys find out what I want to do, they disappear. Oh and the kicker to my lack of a lovelife--the last guy I met truely was "cool" with the idea of being with a cop...but then I found out he's a pothead with a previous criminal background...so yeah...I'M staying single! lol Good luck to ya!

  4. #4
    Big-Mo is offline Banned
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    I would LOVE to marry a cop, EVEN let her handcuff me. Then, we could play with each others guns, hahaha...
    Seriously, I haven't seen very many female cop marriages work, something to do with the female authority and the demeaning of the man. A lot of men can not handle something like that. IT is usually their fault but sometimes the females who have to show the power too!
    As in any relationship, there has to be a lot of give and take and comprimising on both sides. My wife is NON police but I still did a lot of comprimising at home and now it has lasted 41 years. I would never change it either.
    You ALL take care and Be safe out there !!

  5. #5
    AGalCop's Avatar
    AGalCop is offline Between Rookie and Ol' Timer
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    Thanks

    Thanks BigMo and the rest of you. I'm a very feminine gal, know my limits at work and try to conduct myself accordingly. There isn't a fiber in my being that emits masculinity and I don't try to be 'one of the guys'. I believe there are parts of law enforcement where a lady really excels and I believe there are parts where the men really excel. I love being treated like a lady away from work, but it's also important to me to have the trust that I can hold my own at work with my coworkers. I guess what I'm really looking for is the best of both worlds, I just don't know if that is possible.

  6. #6
    zpd307's Avatar
    zpd307 is offline Master Officer
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    i dont think that i could marry a cop, i dont have to worry about that now- just had our 2 year anniversary. anyway, i had given it thought at one time. two trooper buddies of mine are married to female leos. weve discussed this topic before. i guess it boils down to having to worry, i know the job and how people treat me. i have seen how some assholes treat female cops. im not saying that a female officer cant handle themselves. i dont know, maybe im talking out of my ass. but being a cop is a respectable career, and if i was looking and she was the right one, id rather be married to a cop than a fast food clerk or something.
    MANNNNN.... YOU MUST BE FAST, BECAUSE I WAS HAULIN ASS WHEN I PASSED YOU!

  7. #7
    Retdetsgt's Avatar
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    The only female LEO's I really knew were ones that worked for my agency and I avoided them like the plague. Not that they weren't good people, but I saw too much shit hit the fan when couples working here broke up. I would have had no problem with someone from another agency, but there can be too much closeness to marry someone in my dept. My dept isn't huge, I wouldn't necessarily have to work with or around them, but it's small enough that rumors spread like wildfire.

    Just about every, but not all women cops I knew that were married when they came on got a divorce within 5 years. My guess is they naturally became more assertive and that was hard on the relationship.

    All that being said, there have been some successful inter dept marriages, but there have been a lot of divorces and then remarrying other cops.

    One of the most uncomfortable moments I and a lot of other guys had was at an inservice training. The training was on building searches and was put on by some of the special weapons team guys, including one of their Sgts. His wife was one of the officers taking the training. They'd been married 8 or 9 years, so they weren't like newlyweds. But he made an ever so slight criticism of how she did something and oh shit. She exploded at him! You knew this had little to do with what he said, but was a continuation of something going on at home. She would have never done that to any other Sgt., but it reminded me again that I was glad I wasn't married to anyone I worked with. It was embarrassing for everyone.....
    When I used to be somebody (I'm center top)

    "A burning desire for social justice is never a substitute for knowing what you're talking about". -Thomas Sowell-

  8. #8
    AGalCop's Avatar
    AGalCop is offline Between Rookie and Ol' Timer
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    Guess it's just not an easy subject

    I have been with my current department for 8 years. When I got hired I made a pact with myself not to date anybody at my department. It's a fairly large department, around 1000 sworn, I believe, but to this day I have stuck to my pact. I find that men that aren't in law enforcement have an even harder time understanding our job, but then maybe it's like that for women too.

    I would just like to go to work, do my job and come home and just be a lady. Guess it is easier said then done.

  9. #9
    TheOldRhino's Avatar
    TheOldRhino is offline Corporal
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    Quote Originally Posted by AGalCop
    I have searched the web, bookstores, etc for information on this topic and haven't had much success, so, I thought maybe you guys/girls might have some insight. As a female cop, I have experienced all kinds of problems in relationships regarding guys accepting what I do for a living. I'd be curious to hear you guys thoughts on this (don't worry, I don't take offense easily) and would really like to hear from any girls that are experiencing the same problems.
    Sister, if I could tell you, I would. But the truth is, I don't get it myself. Personally, I find a girl that could kick my ass and put me in handcuffs a turn-on. But, maybe I'm just weird like that.
    The virtue of spirit has no need for thanks or approval. Only the certain conviction that what has been done is right. -Jor El, as played by Marlon Brando

  10. #10
    RdrB67's Avatar
    RdrB67 is offline Officer First Class
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    Quote Originally Posted by AGalCop
    I find that men that aren't in law enforcement have an even harder time understanding our job, but then maybe it's like that for women too.

    I would just like to go to work, do my job and come home and just be a lady. Guess it is easier said then done.
    One sad reality is that very few people outside LE understand what it is we do. I sometimes forget that and am surprised at the blank look on my wife's face when I am griping about something from work. I have to remind myself that she doesn't get it. She knows a lot of stuff and isn't dumb, but she's an MT. She doesn't know the intricacies of PC, Search and Seizure, etc. Frankly, she's not that interested. She is tolerant and makes some effort to figure things out by context, because she's interested in me, but the ins and outs of work are just details in her world and she has plenty of stuff demanding more immediate attention in that world.

    I have no problem with that. Reverse those positions, and things would be very different. I don't think I'd be dis-interested in or hostile to her work, so much as worried about her safety and feeling like I wasn't filling my role adequately as a "protector" to a person I love since she is filling the warrior role and not me. We can throw in all kinds of Oprah protests about chauvinism or whatever, but I'll tell you, it's in a guy's make-up to want to take care of the people he loves and it's hard to relinquish that role. It's not impossible, but it's hard. I suspect the guys who bolt aren't that invested in anything beyond themselves to be willing to take the time to work through those issues (or whatever they see as the issues).

    Before you start sawing on your wrists with a butter-knife, I think you should know and understand that there are men out there who value what you have to offer. I firmly believe that you are better off single than marrying badly, or "settling." Keep your standards high (as you seem to be doing already), think well of yourself and don't EVER apologize for the work you do. Hold out for the guy who will respect what you do and treat you like you deserve to be treated off the job. Whether he shows up sooner or later, you've still got to respect yourself and live with honor and integrity regardless of what happens.

    A very wise man once said, "Happiness is the object and design of our existence and will be the end thereof if we pursue the path that leads to it. And that path is [honor, uprightness, etc.]."

    Sorry to be so long-winded. Hang in there and good luck.
    "Nothing says guilty like a high-priced lawyer."
    - Tom Griswold



  11. #11
    AGalCop's Avatar
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    Appreciative.....

    I'm really glad I made this post and some of you took the time out of your busy day to share some of your thoughts and feelings about this. It's been really nice to hear some input from outsiders not personally involved. I think I can be more understanding in my relationship now, regarding my work. To be perfectly honest, I like and need the man in my life to still take on the 'protector' roll. I can see where I'm expecting an awful lot from a man and I need to make more of an effort to understand and compromise.

    Thanks, guys! (and girl!)

  12. #12
    1*girl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Centurion44
    Sister, if I could tell you, I would. But the truth is, I don't get it myself. Personally, I find a girl that could kick my ass and put me in handcuffs a turn-on. But, maybe I'm just weird like that.

    Sooo you're from GA, too, huh? Lol jk....

    Quote Originally Posted by RdrB67
    I don't think I'd be dis-interested in or hostile to her work, so much as worried about her safety and feeling like I wasn't filling my role adequately as a "protector" to a person I love since she is filling the warrior role and not me.
    But why can't men just understand that some female officers want to play that warrior role AT WORK, but still be the feminine lady at home that wants/needs her own personal protector? I'm sure it may go beyond just protecting her on off duty hours, but say she were a nurse or something. He still can't "protect" her at work so what's the difference? ...if that made any sense?

  13. #13
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    You WILL find the right person. Patience is virtue, it doesn't matter what we so for a living. Good luck!!

  14. #14
    Lucky Seven's Avatar
    Lucky Seven is offline Realllly?!
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    The same thing is true for men as it is for women.

    They get made every day.

    Therefore, there is an abundance out there. Just takes time to find the right one. Seems to work better if you are not looking.

    Your rule regarding not indulging where you work should be a rule for everyone to follow. Seems to cause too many problems.
    Job description as told by an Old Timer: "...drive fast cars, look at pretty women, and drink coffee".

  15. #15
    Ivory's Avatar
    Ivory is offline Grrr I hate not working for a jail.....
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    My boyfriend is a cop
    Life is a fleeting memory,
    It come and goes,
    But one thing will always remain.
    That is History.
    ~Erin~

  16. #16
    StanSwitek's Avatar
    StanSwitek is offline Corporal
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    Based on what I have read, you are comitted to your career. Police work is a great career.

    My advice is to be happy in your career & be the best you can possibly be. If some guy is not comfortable with what you do, he is not worthy of your time. Move on, keep looking... Mr. Right is out there. It's a matter of finding him. I realize that is easier said than done. No one should dictate to you what to do with your life & career.

  17. #17
    Retdetsgt's Avatar
    Retdetsgt is offline How did I get here!
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    For me, the reality is I should have been born in one of those countries where they pick your wife for you when you are 6 and the girl is 4. It took me 3 marriages to finally find one where we could stand each other after a few years! I think just about anybody could have done a better job of picking a wife for me than I did.
    When I used to be somebody (I'm center top)

    "A burning desire for social justice is never a substitute for knowing what you're talking about". -Thomas Sowell-

  18. #18
    AGalCop's Avatar
    AGalCop is offline Between Rookie and Ol' Timer
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    You are too funny.....but believe me, I can definitely understand where you are coming from!

 

 

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