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  1. #1
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    I am NOT Anti America.

    Guys (and Girls) if you read any of my posts and get the impression that I am Anti the USA, I'd like to state that that is not the case. You are a great people and a great nation.

    But, and it's a Jennifer Lopez sized but, please don't believe Hollywood versions of history. Robin Hood was not American. There were NO amercians in the true story of The Great Escape, the Enigma Decoder was not captured by an American submarine and John Wayne didn't win World War 2 on his own.


    Thanks,
    and
    Rule Brittania.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  2. #2
    Trojan 42's Avatar
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    Thought this might explain things a bit better.

    Declaration of Revocation
    by John Cleese

    To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

    Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

    Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

    A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

    You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

    You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

    Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

    Look up "interspersed."

    There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old

    enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

    2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

    You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

    While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

    British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

    5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

    6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

    The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

    Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

    We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

    You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

    7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

    9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

    All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

    10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

    Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

    11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

    12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

    13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2008) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

    14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

    15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

    16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

    Thank you for your co-operation.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  3. #3
    dlefdal's Avatar
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    I quit reading it after like the tenth line............laziness I guess.

    Pie and chips, I want free pie and chips.............
    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  4. #4
    mavriktu's Avatar
    mavriktu is offline Patrol Sgt.
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    John Wayne (holds down sob) Didn't????
    ]

  5. #5
    1*girl Guest
    I stopped reading after number 6! GOOOOOO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damnit!

  6. #6
    TheOldRhino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42
    But, and it's a Jennifer Lopez sized but, please don't believe Hollywood versions of history. Robin Hood was not American.
    Belive me. That aspect of the movie annoyed us just as much as it did you- if not more so. I called him "Robin of Montana".

    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42
    John Wayne didn't win World War 2 on his own.
    Oh, you were there then? No? Then show me proof. John Wayne tamed the Wild West and won World War II. He would have won Vietnam, too- but he was sick.

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
    Deal. Now y'all learn between American and Canadian accents. What's more- learn the difference between a southern, mid-western, western, and cajun accent.
    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
    Don't forget- we need English actors to play Romans as well.
    15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
    Elvis. You're welcome.
    The virtue of spirit has no need for thanks or approval. Only the certain conviction that what has been done is right. -Jor El, as played by Marlon Brando

  7. #7
    Radar's Avatar
    Radar is offline We all bleed blue
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    Wait, you guys are taking all of the US back? even though you only have actual claim to a small portion of the east coast, and some of the north like Ohio?

    Does that mean we can start shooting at the brits again? Will you guys make it as easy as last time and wear bright red again while marching blindly in formation while being fired upon?

    I don't think you'll make it very much farther this time than last time. So lets agree to disagree. And pretend to be friends. Lets go team up and beat the crap out of that bin laden guy. Deal?
    Here Speeder, Speeder, Speeder


    "Oderint dum metuant" - Caligula

    "How come you only call me when someone's dead?"

  8. #8
    Virginian's Avatar
    Virginian is offline Major
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    we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence
    I don't believe our independence was given charitably the last time, if I'm remembering correctly

  9. #9
    dlefdal's Avatar
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    If you truly know your history; you know that we didn't revolt against your government. We really revolted against your centralized banking system, which your government belonged too.

    But who's counting?
    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  10. #10
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    Well, you guys are certainly welcome to try.....
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt

    ____________________

    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  11. #11
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Lets be honest, Trojan, your little island started inbreeding. In fact, they may even have coined the phrase. That whole incest in the royalty makes us nervous. We have laws against such things and the ones who get around the law we don't allow to make decisions or venture far from the wilderness. You guys make your inbreeds wave at people in parades and pay them a huge amount of money every year for nothing. And you are going to be pulling off this revocation how?
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  12. #12
    depusm12's Avatar
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    Well if ya'll wanna try and revoke our independence your welcome to try. But personally I think there would be a hell of a fight and our civilians got more guns and ammo than are in your entire country so I think things might be slightly tipped in our favor.
    Last edited by depusm12; 07-13-06 at 10:39 AM.
    James
    Dept of the Army Civilian Police
    "Loyalty above all else, except Honor"
    Never forget those who fell on 9/11/01
    S&W beats 4 Aces every time

  13. #13
    depusm12's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trojan 42
    15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
    The butler did it.
    James
    Dept of the Army Civilian Police
    "Loyalty above all else, except Honor"
    Never forget those who fell on 9/11/01
    S&W beats 4 Aces every time

  14. #14
    Beans's Avatar
    Beans is offline Street Cop
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    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu
    Lets be honest, Trojan, your little island started inbreeding. In fact, they may even have coined the phrase. That whole incest in the royalty makes us nervous. We have laws against such things and the ones who get around the law we don't allow to make decisions or venture far from the wilderness. You guys make your inbreeds wave at people in parades and pay them a huge amount of money every year for nothing. And you are going to be pulling off this revocation how?
    +1!
    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Beans" on LEF.

  15. #15
    K9ForLife's Avatar
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    In 1814 we took a little trip. Along with Col. Jackson down the Mighty Mississipp.

    You young ones may not know what this line goes to but many of those older should.


  16. #16
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Quote Originally Posted by K9ForLife
    In 1814 we took a little trip. Along with Col. Jackson down the Mighty Mississipp.

    You young ones may not know what this line goes to but many of those older should.

    oh we fired our guns and the brits started running, wasn't not as many as there was a pot of gold.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  17. #17
    Radar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by K9ForLife
    In 1814 we took a little trip. Along with Col. Jackson down the Mighty Mississipp.

    You young ones may not know what this line goes to but many of those older should.

    one of my favorite songs And not only a song, but truth!


    In 1814 we took a little trip
    along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
    We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
    And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.

    CHORUS: We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
    There wasn't quite as many as there was a while ago.
    We fired once more and they began to runnin'
    down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

    We looked down the river and we seen the British come.
    And there must have been a hundred of'em beatin' on the drum.
    They stepped so high and they made the bugles ring.
    We stood by our cotton bales and didn't say a thing. CHORUS:

    Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise
    If we didn't fire our muskets til we looked 'em in the eyes
    We held our fire til we seen their faces well.
    then we opened up with squirrel guns and really gave 'em..well. CHORUS:

    They ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
    And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
    They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
    down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. CHORUS:

    We fired our cannon til the barrel melted down.
    So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round.
    We filled his head with cannon balls and powdered his behind
    and when we touched the powder off, the gator blew his mind. CHORUS:

    Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
    and they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
    they ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
    down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. CHORUS:
    Here Speeder, Speeder, Speeder


    "Oderint dum metuant" - Caligula

    "How come you only call me when someone's dead?"

  18. #18
    depusm12's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu
    oh we fired our guns and the brits started running, wasn't not as many as there was a pot of gold.
    Actually it goes, we fired our guns and the british kept a comin, but there wasn't as many as there were a while ago. For those that don't know this song is "The Battle of New Orleans" by Johnny Horton
    James
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    "Loyalty above all else, except Honor"
    Never forget those who fell on 9/11/01
    S&W beats 4 Aces every time

  19. #19
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Think carefully, very carefully; if you take the US back you get stuck with this lot also.





    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  20. #20
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    Yes, Mr Kelly, come to think on it. Mad King George was right. You lot weren't worth sending a proper army over for. I mean, we were a bit busy fighting the French, Spanish, Indians, Afghans and several other little parts of our Empire to bother sending another Army to deal with a bunch of rebels. Actually nothing much seems to have changed, we are still fighting people all over the place, (just not the French at the moment).



    Did you lot know that that Battle of New Orleans Song was released here by Lonnie Donnigan but the words were changed so it was the Rebels that began a Running ? Has more of a ring to it that way.
    Last edited by Trojan 42; 07-13-06 at 02:14 PM.
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

 

 
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