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  1. #1
    bufford408's Avatar
    bufford408 is offline Just green and furry all over
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    Men strike back!

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
    -------------- -------- ------------------------------
    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    ------------------- ----------------------------------
    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
    It's called a Wedding Cake.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. -----------------------------------------------------
    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
    -----------------------------------------------------
    Last edited by bufford408; 08-05-06 at 10:57 PM.

  2. #2
    dlefdal's Avatar
    dlefdal is offline LEF'S unofficial mascot
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    Preach on brotha man!!!!!!!!

    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  3. #3
    bufford408's Avatar
    bufford408 is offline Just green and furry all over
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    Of course I don't agree with anthing in this post. HeHeHe

  4. #4
    Crimebytes2's Avatar
    Crimebytes2 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by bufford408
    Of course I don't agree with anthing in this post. HeHeHe
    Of course you do, bufford. Unless, of course, you were temporally insane at the time you posted.

  5. #5
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Yeah. I don't agree with any of this either. But it is funny as heck.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  6. #6
    Trojan 42's Avatar
    Trojan 42 is offline Retired Ninja
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    And don't forget that women get married in white, so they match the kitchen appliances. (apparently)
    To be born an Englishman, is to be a winner in the Lottery of Life.



    I've Talked the Talk and I've Walked the Walk, now I Sit the Sit!

    It's not until you look at an Ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day, that you realise just how often they burst into flames for no reason!

  7. #7
    dla4079's Avatar
    dla4079 is offline Corporal
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    Why is a wedding dress white?
    So the dish washer will match the refridgerator!

    Capt. D. Larimore
    NTISF Gang Unit

  8. #8
    cwtlady's Avatar
    cwtlady is offline Corporal
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    That's terrible!

    I forget how this goes exactly but...


    Why did God create man first?

    So man could have the last word at least once in his life.



    Did you know God created electronics on the sixth day?

    He created Eve, the first LOUDSPEAKER.

  9. #9
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Men get married in hopes they'll get laid, but it's only after the vows that they realize they've been screwed.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  10. #10
    kdm0409's Avatar
    kdm0409 is offline ^ Female Deputy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky
    Men get married in hopes they'll get laid, but it's only after the vows that they realize they've been screwed.

    Beat me to it Ducky!! Gotta love it!!
    It is better to be tried by 12, than carried by 6.
    ______________________________ __________
    An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.
    ______________________________ __________
    In vino veritas!

  11. #11
    dlefdal's Avatar
    dlefdal is offline LEF'S unofficial mascot
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky
    Men get married in hopes they'll get laid, but it's only after the vows that they realize they've been screwed.
    Ducky, if you ever married me, you wouldn't be able to resist the overwhelming feeling to lay me!

    I will win your love with a smiley....................
    When you find yourself in a hole............QUIT DIGGING!!!!!!!!!

    OK guys time to come clean. I am not only a police officer but I am also a big time movie star. I am using my real photo as my avatar now. Please NO autographs!!!!

    The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such

  12. #12
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Oh, I'm a pushover. But you're going to have to schmooze MrDucky too, and I don't exactly see that going over well with either of you.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  13. #13
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky
    Oh, I'm a pushover. But you're going to have to schmooze MrDucky too, and I don't exactly see that going over well with either of you.
    Big love....

  14. #14
    Zoooom is offline Where we going and why are we in this handbasket?
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    geeez, and I was told God created woman because he screwed up on the first try.

  15. #15
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Why did the feminist cross the road?


    Who cares. What's she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

    How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None. If she wants light, she can open the refrigerator.

    Why did God give women legs?

    So they don't leave a "snail trail" when they go across a hardwood floor!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  16. #16
    MrDucky's Avatar
    MrDucky is offline Ducky's Backup
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    Ummmmmmmmm, will I get in trouble for even Posting in this thread?????????

    I mean you guys know Ducky but you don't LIVE with Ducky...........She's in the bedroom right now and I'm in the living room and................



  17. #17
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    C'mon Mr. Ducky, who wears the pants in your family. Oh, that's right, she's in the bedroom putting them on!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

 

 

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