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  1. #1
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
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    FYI - Public Taser dangers

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary submitted this...

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
    100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

    Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against flesh or a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

    Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!!

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
    long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION )*(&#(*)&)(#%)jld*(&#*#***!!!

    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

    SON-OF-A-BITCH... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???

    My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

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    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  2. #2
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    That was awsome...next time set up a video feed and charge for it. I'd pay
    Peace through superior firepower.

  3. #3
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    I laughed my ass off the whole way through. I knew what was coming. Just great hearing him describe it.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  4. #4
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to jmur5074 again.
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  5. #5
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    Dumbass

    PDawg, I gave him some for you - copiceman15601 is right, we need video next time.

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  6. #6
    Ducky's Avatar
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    I may have been curious enough to try that myself.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  7. #7
    Radar's Avatar
    Radar is offline We all bleed blue
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky
    I may have been curious enough to try that myself.
    On yourself, or how long was it before Mr. Ducky twitched, opened his eyes, and asked what just happened?
    Here Speeder, Speeder, Speeder


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  8. #8
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    I vote for Mr. Ducky - I don't think Ducky has any testicles, so the experiment would not be valid unless Mr Ducky was the vict... eh, subject of the experiment

    Remember to set up the camcorder!!!

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  9. #9
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Someone ship me a stun gun, and we'll talk.
    \\
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    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  10. #10
    snuffy2202's Avatar
    snuffy2202 is offline JUST ANOTHER TEQUILA SUNRISE
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    I think MTV has a show for you!
    The strongest reason for the people to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against the tyranny of government.
    -Thomas Jefferson

    That is why our masters in Washington are so anxious to disarm us. They are not afraid of criminals. They are afraid of a populace which cannot be subdued by tyrants.” – Jeff Cooper'

  11. #11
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Naa, considering what I've lived through, it'll be pie. If nothing else because it's over with much more quickly than things like labor and divorce are.
    \\
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    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  12. #12
    BigDawg's Avatar
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    I still can't stop laughing! The only thing missing was the redneck saying "Hey Y'all watch this"!!

    I could see one of us getting dispatched to assist Rescue, man has been tased. Only to get there and find he did it to himself.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

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  13. #13
    kdm0409's Avatar
    kdm0409 is offline ^ Female Deputy
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    Thats some funny shit... I too would probably wanted to test it, but sorry I would have had to get the cat lol. It's just like when you were a kid and someone told you to stick your tonque to a battery to test it lol.
    It is better to be tried by 12, than carried by 6.
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  14. #14
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    Quote Originally Posted by kdm0409
    It's just like when you were a kid and someone told you to stick your tonque to a battery to test it lol.
    and?????




    you know i have always wondered what that does.....
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  15. #15
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by gozling
    and?????




    you know i have always wondered what that does.....
    I've done it. With the square 9 volt batteries. It doesn't do anything, it just tingles. And tastes like aluminum
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  16. #16
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    The closest I've come to being tazed is burning a pinhole in my hand, while working on a little 10-watt tube-type RF transmitter in trade school back on the 1970's - The spark it generated looked a little like a Tazer, but it hisses and burns rather than knocking you on your ass. Damn that hurt.

    I've brushed across some 400HZ 110 volts on a missile test set & some regular house current too, but neither were as bad as that RF transmitter.

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  17. #17
    Jks9199 is online now The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of War
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    Quote Originally Posted by jmur5074
    I've done it. With the square 9 volt batteries. It doesn't do anything, it just tingles. And tastes like aluminum
    But... if you touch it to braces, and it's juiced up to 12 volts or more... That's a bit different!

    OK... I guess that needs some backstory. You know that classic electricity experiment where you can make a battery out of an orange? When I was in middle school shop class, we did that. Well... My partner and I were kinda creative. We discovered that you can "recharge" the orange by running juice into it. In fact, you can supercharge the orange if you try! We got up to something like 12 or 14 volts, and dared my buddy to touch it to his braces. (He'd done it with lower voltage before...) His head popped back like he'd been punched!

    Yep... Stupid guy tricks!

 

 

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