Baring it all in the summer

[CopsRCool302]

Behind The Badge: Baring it all in the summer

Did you ever have an idea that at the time you came up with it you thought it was great, but after
sleeping on it for a couple of days you end up saying to yourself, "What was I thinking?"
Well, that is kind of what happened between my last piece and this one. If you remember, I
mentioned that I would talk about another aspect of working nights in the summer that once in
awhile makes life more interesting. Two days after I wrote that, I got to thinking that maybe I
should let that go and not write about it. Then I thought, "What the heck? I can write it so it would
get a PG rating," so here goes.
If you haven't figured it out, I am talking about various forms of nudity that you occasionally run
across when working the street. It can be anything from people skinny-dipping in one of the pools
here in town after hours, to couples suddenly becoming far too amorous in all the wrong places,
to folks that are just too drunk to know what they are doing, or what they are or are not wearing,
that you might encounter. And when you do run across these situations, it can range from being
interesting, to being somewhat revolting. Let me give a couple of examples:
I can remember one night when we got a call of burglary in progress at a residence. It was in the
summer and it was hot. Ed Kaftan, who has since retired from the department as a lieutenant,
and I responded the call. We rolled in dark and positioned ourselves on the outside of the house,
trying to determine what was going on. Suddenly, the lights in the living room of the house came
on and standing there in the middle of the room was a very attractive young lady.
Now, that in itself was enough to get our attention, but the fact that she was wearing absolutely
nothing in the way of clothing really got our attention. I will always remember Ed turning to me
and saying, "That's the funniest looking burglar I ever saw." I have to say that I totally agreed with
him.

It turned out that the lady was from out of town and visiting a friend who lived in the house. When
she arrived, the door was locked and she let herself in through a window, which had been
observed by a neighbor. Apparently she had just got done taking a shower at about the same
time we showed up. I think she might have realized what we saw through the windows because
when we talked to her she seemed embarrassed. But being perfect gentlemen, we never
mentioned that we saw her in her birthday suit.
This type of thing doesn't always happen in the summer. Let me tell you about one memorable
New Year's Eve. We got a call of loud music about 4 a.m. one New Year's Eve, well actually it
was New year's Day, up in the east end. I forget who made the call with me but I do remember
that the music was really loud, you could hear it down the block. This was a large house made
into apartments and the one with the music was in the back, upstairs. We went up the steps and
knocked on the door. Now, you could see into the apartment from the door and on the couch was
a young woman, apparently sleeping covered with a sheet or blanket.
I don't know how she could sleep, because the music was so loud you couldn't hear yourself
think, but there she was peacefully blowing z's. We had to get the music turned down so we
began to pound on the door. I remember thinking at one point that I hoped she wasn't dead.
Finally she woke up, got up and started towards the door. About halfway there she remembered
her choice of pajamas for that night, which was to wear nothing at all. She turned back, covered
herself with the blanket, and answered the door.
She agreed to turn the music down and we thanked her, for turning the music down that is, and
went on to the next call. She was not embarrassed at all, cold maybe, but not embarrassed, at
least not that she showed.

Behind The Badge: Baring it all in the summer

At the risk of making this way too long, let me give you one more example. There used to be a
man and wife whose house we went to quite often. I won't use the lady's real name because she
might have relatives here in town. I think I will call her Jane.
Now Jane had to be in her mid- to late 60's and was quite a character. I can remember one time
she called the station and asked for Officer Dave Yopp, who is now retired. Dave was on the
street so the operator asked if she could take a message. Her message was, "Tell Dave that the
coast is clear, and I've got my party dress on." That is probably one of the scariest messages
ever taken here at CBPD.

One night we got a call at Jane's house of an unknown problem. It was mid-summer and a really
hot night. When we got there the house was wide open, with no one around. We got a little
concerned that maybe Jane had finally done her husband in, or vice versa.
In the back yard of the house was an outside door that led to the basement. I decided to go into
the basement from there and look for Jane or her husband. Rather than trying to describe this
door and the entry way to the basement let me just say that there was shelf space on both sides
of the entry way and space behind you as you walked into the basement.
The basement was pitch black. I had my flashlight in one hand and my weapon in the other
because this call was starting to get a little spooky. I didn't realize that it was about to get a lot
spookier.

About halfway down the stairs I suddenly heard directly behind me a female voice yell rather
loudly, "Can I help you officer"? I turned and lit up the space with my flashlight and sure enough,
there was Jane's face about two feet from mine, tucked up in the shelf area.
Now that in and of itself was enough to give me a heart attack, but there is more. For some
reason known only to Jane, she was naked as a jaybird.
I don't know, maybe in her prime Jane was an attractive lady, but she had not seen her prime for
many years, and those years had not been good to her. It was flat scary.
We got her down from there, found her husband and finished up the call, but I have never been
the same. I have always thought that I could have gotten a pension from that call just by showing
the doctors a picture of Jane naked. Oh well.
There you have a couple of examples of another aspect of summer in the city and working the
street. Of course there are more, but I need to keep this PG.

- Keith Mehlin is the Council Bluffs Chief of Police (www.cbpolice.org/)

[conalabu]

lol, I love "chief" memoirs. My chief does this all the time. The craziest shit comes out of his past.