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09-28-06, 11:25 AM #1
Poor Dearly Departed Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows precisely how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:Knowing when to come in out of the rain, Why the early bird gets the worm, Life isn't always fair, & Maybe it was my fault.
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned yet overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense continued to weaken when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. His health declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or a band-aid to a student, but
could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and planned to have a medical procedure.
He struggled to survive as churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. He became comatose when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home because the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He leaves behind his three stepbrothers - I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral, as so few realized he was gone.\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
09-28-06, 01:17 PM #2
May he/she Rest In Peace!!
09-28-06, 01:25 PM #3
09-28-06, 01:35 PM #4
Maybe that's why I am such a dinosaur...
Time to put me out to pasture... Then again, maybe it would be better to just shoot me so I don't have to see the stepbrothers take over!! Ohh, crap, already made it that far... Ok, just shoot me!
You are a sniper when all other methods to save a life are failing...
You are a counter-sniper when someone else thinks they are as good as you with a rifle.
Nec hostium timete, nec amicum reusate - Audentes fortuna iuvat - Nemo me impune laedere
Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis, Frater Infinitas
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