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Thread: unborn gunman

  1. #1
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    unborn gunman

    Ok... this is in humor.. I wrote it and if it offends anyone I am sorry.. the mods can delete it.. I had a weird dream this week of twins fighting in a mothers womb and I am a writer on the side.. so I thought I would put in the form of a news blot ... Hopefully you find it as funny as some of my friends have reading it and really... it is not meant to offend....
    I have another one on vehicular homicide if any are interested lol....

    Hollywood, FL-

    Investigators are trying to determine
    what led an unborn child to fatally shoot his twin
    with a .38-caliber revolver during an altercation in
    their shared Hollywood womb Monday.

    According to police, the twins' mother, Mary Smith
    35, was awakened at 4 a.m. by the sensation of a
    scuffle in her uterus, which she dismissed as "routine
    kicking." Approximately 30 minutes later Smith
    heard and felt three pistol shots.

    A subsequent forensic ultrasound revealed that the
    unborn gunman-identified as a five-inch-tall male
    Caucasian of slight build with no eyes or hair-shot
    his brother twice in what eventually would have become
    his heart.

    After a tense four-hour standoff, the unborn gunman
    threw out his weapon when police threatened to induce
    labor. Police spokesmen have denied that the use of
    tear gas or forced C-section was ever considered.
    Smith was unharmed in the shooting, with two of the
    bullets lodging themselves in the victim and the third
    passing harmlessly through the birth canal.

    The shooter has yet to emerge from the crime scene,
    but a court-appointed lawyer has said that the fetus
    will surrender himself peacefully upon his post-partum
    separation from Smith sometime in early October.

    "This whole tragic chain of events is hard to
    comprehend," Hollywood mayor I.P. Daily said. "Where
    did we as a community fail these unborn boys? Could
    their parents have done a better job of conceiving,
    carrying, and pre-natally educating them? And how did
    the fetus get access to firearms?"

    Police officials say the shooter used a revolver
    registered to his father, who may have left the
    firearm within reach of his wife's womb. No charges
    have been filed against the man at press time.

    According to Hollywood District attorney I.
    Kutchacockoff, though the assailant is legally
    recognized as a fetus, he will be tried as an infant.
    Pretrial hearings begin next week, and ultrasound
    technicians will not be allowed in the courtroom.

    "This is hard to take," Kutchacockoff told reporters.
    "These kids were no more than babies."

    Offering the Smith family "my deepest sympathy and
    support in this difficult time," President Bush said
    he is redoubling his efforts to pass tougher obstetric
    gun-control legislation.

    "Last year, I called upon Congress to require trigger
    locks on handguns and place metal detectors at the
    entrance of every womb," Bush said at a White House
    press conference. "Such laws may well have saved the
    life of that unborn child. I now ask Congress to do
    the right thing and pass that legislation, as well as
    a measure extending the waiting period for firearms
    beyond nine months. We must keep handguns out of the
    unformed hands of our nation's fetuses."

    The fetus, following the advice of his attorney, has
    offered no comment on the shooting.
    http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  2. #2
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Goz.. you have some strange ass dreams.
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    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  3. #3
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    I thought it was funny. Matter of fact, I thought it was friggin hilarious.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  4. #4
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    weird, well way weird, but really funny!
    Si vis pacem, para bellum

    And in case you don't speak Latin.......If you want peace, prepare for war.

    I've been places, seen and done things that would make most cry. I've fought along side and against better men then most I come across day to day, i've put my life on the line more then once for things you take for granted and for those you have lost respect for. I don't tell you this for your pity or respect but for you to remember me.

  5. #5
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    Very funny.



    That's probably what it'll come to someday...

    babies shootin' babies!
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  6. #6
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

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  7. #7
    Lizzy's Avatar
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    Have you ever tried LSD....Shrooms? What did you eat before you went to bed?

  8. #8
    1*girl Guest
    Goz lol...girl you crack me up!

  9. #9
    Roses's Avatar
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    Very funny! You have quite the imagination. Very creative.

    Quote Originally Posted by gozling
    I have another one on vehicular homicide if any are interested lol....
    I'd like to read it.
    http://img455.imageshack.us/img455/1369/rosekdrosetransp9fk2eb.gif

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown

 

 

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