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Thread: unborn gunman
10-02-06, 10:55 AM #1
Ok... this is in humor.. I wrote it and if it offends anyone I am sorry.. the mods can delete it.. I had a weird dream this week of twins fighting in a mothers womb and I am a writer on the side.. so I thought I would put in the form of a news blot ... Hopefully you find it as funny as some of my friends have reading it and really... it is not meant to offend....
I have another one on vehicular homicide if any are interested lol....
Investigators are trying to determine
what led an unborn child to fatally shoot his twin
with a .38-caliber revolver during an altercation in
their shared Hollywood womb Monday.
According to police, the twins' mother, Mary Smith
35, was awakened at 4 a.m. by the sensation of a
scuffle in her uterus, which she dismissed as "routine
kicking." Approximately 30 minutes later Smith
heard and felt three pistol shots.
A subsequent forensic ultrasound revealed that the
unborn gunman-identified as a five-inch-tall male
Caucasian of slight build with no eyes or hair-shot
his brother twice in what eventually would have become
After a tense four-hour standoff, the unborn gunman
threw out his weapon when police threatened to induce
labor. Police spokesmen have denied that the use of
tear gas or forced C-section was ever considered.
Smith was unharmed in the shooting, with two of the
bullets lodging themselves in the victim and the third
passing harmlessly through the birth canal.
The shooter has yet to emerge from the crime scene,
but a court-appointed lawyer has said that the fetus
will surrender himself peacefully upon his post-partum
separation from Smith sometime in early October.
"This whole tragic chain of events is hard to
comprehend," Hollywood mayor I.P. Daily said. "Where
did we as a community fail these unborn boys? Could
their parents have done a better job of conceiving,
carrying, and pre-natally educating them? And how did
the fetus get access to firearms?"
Police officials say the shooter used a revolver
registered to his father, who may have left the
firearm within reach of his wife's womb. No charges
have been filed against the man at press time.
According to Hollywood District attorney I.
Kutchacockoff, though the assailant is legally
recognized as a fetus, he will be tried as an infant.
Pretrial hearings begin next week, and ultrasound
technicians will not be allowed in the courtroom.
"This is hard to take," Kutchacockoff told reporters.
"These kids were no more than babies."
Offering the Smith family "my deepest sympathy and
support in this difficult time," President Bush said
he is redoubling his efforts to pass tougher obstetric
"Last year, I called upon Congress to require trigger
locks on handguns and place metal detectors at the
entrance of every womb," Bush said at a White House
press conference. "Such laws may well have saved the
life of that unborn child. I now ask Congress to do
the right thing and pass that legislation, as well as
a measure extending the waiting period for firearms
beyond nine months. We must keep handguns out of the
unformed hands of our nation's fetuses."
The fetus, following the advice of his attorney, has
offered no comment on the shooting.http://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl
We dallied under
Vine maples and sapling alders
Searched for lady slippers
Found blackberry riots and
An old skid road
Brought ghost ferns and
Hollows filled with
While waves wrapped
Intricate lacings of weeds
'Round mule spinners
His cyanotic eyes
Were hard enough to make
The sun turn tail and
Tender enough to attract me
To his world of illusion
10-02-06, 12:11 PM #2
Goz.. you have some strange ass dreams.\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
10-02-06, 12:21 PM #3GrasshopperVerified LEO
- Join Date
- Rep Power
I thought it was funny. Matter of fact, I thought it was friggin hilarious.And Shepards we shall be,
for thee, My Lord, for thee,
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls will it ever be.
In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.
10-02-06, 12:27 PM #4
weird, well way weird, but really funny!Si vis pacem, para bellum
And in case you don't speak Latin.......If you want peace, prepare for war.
I've been places, seen and done things that would make most cry. I've fought along side and against better men then most I come across day to day, i've put my life on the line more then once for things you take for granted and for those you have lost respect for. I don't tell you this for your pity or respect but for you to remember me.
10-02-06, 01:42 PM #5
That's probably what it'll come to someday...
babies shootin' babies!No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13
"The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".
We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.
10-02-06, 08:32 PM #6
Nobel Prize?Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA
You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.
FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON
10-02-06, 09:27 PM #7
Have you ever tried LSD....Shrooms? What did you eat before you went to bed?
10-02-06, 09:38 PM #81*girl Guest
Goz lol...girl you crack me up!
10-03-06, 02:48 AM #9
Very funny! You have quite the imagination. Very creative.
Originally Posted by gozling
A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.
It enriches those who receive it,without making poorer those who give.It takes but a moment, but the memoryof it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that hecan get along without it,and none is so poor but thathe can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home,fosters goodwill in business,and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary,cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,or stolen, for it is something that is of novalue to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile.Give them one of yours, as none needs a smileso much as he who has no more to give.
- author unknown
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