Clarification on ranks

**OffDuty** · 10-24-06, 11:18 PM

Stolen from a buddy who posted on *another* police site. Since I wont go there anymore, i will share here instead. Correct as needed.

Police officer - line grunt. Goes shooting at least once a week and keeps gun clean.

Corporal - line grunt with stripes that says he has to talk to the reporters at all big scenes. Had been divorced once. Goes shooting once a year for qualifications.

Sgt - Three stripes and supervises all of the above. Will rip into you for screwing up, but tends to forget to mention your sins to the brass (at least the good Sgts do). Still works the street. Has been divorced twice. Still knows which end of the gun goes bang.

Lt. - Sits in an office and works the street when something major happens. Sends your reports back to you for repairs and chews you out for big sins. He or she is a little fuzzy on which end of the gun goes bang, so they just play it safe and leave it in the holster. The third marriage seemed to take.

Captain - Sits in a bigger office and has a prettier badge. Yells at the Lt, who yells at you. Is afraid of his or her own gun, so it stays in the closet at home. Will smile ackwardly at officers, but tends to avoid them. Can't retire because he's paying three alimonys.

Chief - Has the prettiest badge. Can't remember where his gun is let alone how to work it, but that's ok, that's what officers are for. Has the biggest office. Yells at anyone he or she wants to. Talks nicely to the media when something really big happens, then usually fires or suspends the officer who had anything to do with it. Marriage #4 was the magic one.