Cuddling: We don't know why women want to cuddle, but if we need to do it to get what we want, we're willing to learn.

[Terminator]

On the very long list of things men don’t understand about women is the fact that women always want to cuddle. In fact, AM received this message from a befuddled reader who wanted to know exactly what it is about cuddling that women find so important:

"What is it with this cuddling business? All my girlfriend wants to do is cuddle. I don't understand the whole concept about cuddling. I think an article that explains why women think that cuddling is so important would be great."

This seems to be a common attitude among men who can’t wrap their brains around what their women see as the necessity of cuddling. AskMen.com is here to explain this phenomenon to you and to show you the positive side of cuddling.

Why women cuddle

The act of cuddling releases a hormone called oxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddling hormone.” Oxytocin is responsible for provoking what scientists refer to as “pair bonding,” which means it makes the cuddling couple feel closer and more intimate. This helps to create a bond between a man and a woman. In evolutionary terms, a woman wants to create this pair bond in order to get the man to commit to her and their offspring. Even if your woman isn’t trying to marry you and start bearing your babies, she is likely still drawn to create an emotional bond with you and this kind of physical intimacy is a good way to do it.

Cuddling also feels pretty damn good when it’s done right, so another reason women insist on it is that the sensations triggered by a cuddle session can be very pleasurable.

Why men don’t cuddle

It can be exceptionally frustrating that your first instinct post-orgasm is to go right to sleep, while she prefers to get in a good cuddle session first. The reason for this is all about the hormones your brain releases after sex. As a man has an orgasm, a variety of brain chemicals are released including the hormone prolactin. Prolactin has a strong connection to sleep so its presence is probably responsible for a man’s tendency to want to sleep after sex. The release of prolactin also indicates the beginning of the “recovery time” that men have to take before having sex again. Women often don’t require any such time-out after having an orgasm.

Some men might also shy away from cuddling because of its intimate, personal nature if they are worried about appearing vulnerable.

Why you should cuddle

If you can let yourself relax enough emotionally and physically, you might actually enjoy some of the benefits of cuddling. Oxytocin is released in your brain, just like it is in the female brain, along with a host of other feel-good hormones that will leave you feeling happy and less stressed. A 2006 study by the Berman Center for Women's Health in Chicago showed that couples who regularly indulge in spontaneous, non-sexual physical affection are more satisfied with their relationships. Even if you don’t get the appeal of cuddling, you should be able to see the connection between it and a happy girlfriend. When your girlfriend is happy, your relationship is going to be much smoother sailing.

Cuddling moves

For those new to the world of cuddling, you might need some tips to get you going. If you find yourself at a loss for what to do when you’re curled up in an embrace with your girlfriend, try one of these standard cuddling moves:

• Stroke her hair
• Kiss her forehead
• Touch her face
• Gently run your hands up and down her arms
• Intertwine your fingers with hers
• Rub her back gently
• Make eye contact

get your cuddle on

Remember, cuddling doesn’t have to be relegated to a post-sex-only activity. In fact, she’ll probably enjoy it more if you spontaneously start a cuddle session in the middle of the day. Also, don’t forget that the point of cuddling is not to morph into foreplay on the way to sex. Cuddle for cuddling’s sake and the next time you do have sex, you’ll reap the rewards of making your girlfriend feel happy, connected and close to you.

[Wolven]

In addition to after the fact cuddling...might try it as a way to get what you want boys.

Play with my hair and I'm yours. Simple, simple thing.


Not asking for volunteers, just making conversation

[Buttercup]

That article makes it sound like all women always need to cuddle. Every woman is different, and problems arise when men treat all women the same and vice versa. I don't know, I don't think it's necessary to cuddle all the time.

[Wolven]

That article makes it sound like all women always need to cuddle. Every woman is different, and problems arise when men treat all women the same and vice versa. I don't know, I don't think it's necessary to cuddle all the time.

Me either...nice every once in awhile...but not all the time...

[Buttercup]

Me either...nice every once in awhile...but not all the time...

Ok, so next time we'll cuddle and the time after that we won't.

[Terminator]

I like to cuddle.

[Jenna]

In addition to after the fact cuddling...might try it as a way to get what you want boys.

Play with my hair and I'm yours. Simple, simple thing.


Not asking for volunteers, just making conversation

I like to cuddle.

[213th]

I like to cuddle.

But you'
re gayh.

[MacLean]

So, reading between the lines here, someone needs to invent an oxytocin spray.

[Terminator]

But you'
re gayh.

Nope, just secure enough to express my true feelings.

[pgg]

If they want to cuddle all they need to do is burrow between the arms when I fall asleep

[Terminator]

No wonder some of you guys have been single for so long, or in meaningless relationships.

[mack]

No wonder some of you guys have been single for so long, or in meaningless relationships.

Is that really Terminator saying that or is someone using his screen name?

[Wolven]

So, reading between the lines here, someone needs to invent an oxytocin spray.

They have it already in the injection form...although they usually use it to induce contractions in pregnant women and dogs.

[Wolven]

Ok, so next time we'll cuddle and the time after that we won't.

Ahhh...Buttercuppy...are you asking me to cuddle? How sweet.

[pgg]

They have it already in the injection form...although they usually use it to induce contractions in pregnant women and dogs.

I know I have some in the garage. We used some for Annie when she was in labor

[Terminator]

Is that really Terminator saying that or is someone using his screen name?

LOLZ...it's me.

[MacLean]

They have it already in the injection form...although they usually use it to induce contractions in pregnant women and dogs.

Yes, but whipping out the needles on a date is a no-go up here.

Not sure about Florida...

[Autumn2009]

Mmmm now I want to cuddle.

You give me what I want I give you what you want, that's how I normally roll the dice,

[Buttercup]

You give me what I want I give you what you want, that's how I normally roll the dice,