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  1. #1
    chewy's Avatar
    chewy is offline 1 CoastieRisk!!
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    CBP Officer openings

    Have you been turned down by every other law enforcement agency?

    Did you get fired from McDonald's for incompetence?


    Do you have nothing in life left to look forward to????


    Do you have the desire to work with some great people... and a few other incompetent morons who some how escaped the inevitable laws of Darwinism and weren't eaten by their parents and now do little to nothing, don't know their jobs let alone where they are half the time ONLY to find that they somehow seem to always get promoted before the people who actually KNOW how to do the job?.


    GREAT NEWS, you can join US Customs & Border Protection, Office of Field Operations!!!

    No, we aren't Special Agents,
    No, we aren't Border Patrol,
    No, we don't really do anything remotely exciting,
    No, there is no job satisfaction,
    No, there is nothing really great at all about us...


    BUT, you WILL
    get to sit on your arse for hours on end,
    be treated like a retarded step child that can't function without thirteen people telling you what to do,
    come to work and not perform AT ALL and still get paid,
    carry a gun and a badge,
    get to sit in patrol cars and feel like a real cop (by God, don't you dare drive anywhere or pull anyone over or chase anyone... but you can sit in it)


    If this all sounds super exciting and you are kind of motivated to sort of do SOMETHING with your life but not really have to put out any effort but want to still get a steady paycheck whether you do anything or just go through the motions then THIS IS IT, This is THE JOB FOR YOU!!!

    USAJOBS -




    ***Disclaimer***

    Not all Ports allow you to do nothing. If you are in Detroit you most likely will be encouraged to do nothing but if you should happen to get hired to other ports you may be asked to work hard, arrests felons, seize narcotics vehicles money and other contraband, attempt to stop terrorists and other criminals from entering our country seeking to do harm. God forbid you get the Southern Border... Be prepared to SWEAT!!!
    Last edited by chewy; 04-06-09 at 06:15 PM. Reason: :)
    Grumpy bastard sick of it all!
    Guns Don't Kill People, Radical Pro-Lifers Kill People

  2. #2
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
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    Chewy are you feeling a little, umm...., disgruntled today?

    "Stupid should hurt."

  3. #3
    Kimble's Avatar
    Kimble is offline Fact: sharks love cheeseburgers
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannibal View Post
    Chewy are you feeling a little, umm...., disgruntled today?
    That's just how Chewy rolls. The two things in life he loves most are CBP and Detroit (about as much as he hates the Coast Guard). The day he starts being un-disgruntled is the day I'll start worrying about him.
    "I'm the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough carry this Glock 40." -Lee Paige, DEA (just before shooting himself in the leg)

    "America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed" Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936





  4. #4
    chewy's Avatar
    chewy is offline 1 CoastieRisk!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannibal View Post
    Chewy are you feeling a little, umm...., disgruntled today?
    ?????? You have to ask??? we work for the same people right? Oh, wait... YOU got to work the range this week!!

    Grumpy bastard sick of it all!
    Guns Don't Kill People, Radical Pro-Lifers Kill People

  5. #5
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimble View Post
    That's just how Chewy rolls. The two things in life he loves most are CBP and Detroit (about as much as he hates the Coast Guard). The day he starts being un-disgruntled is the day I'll start worrying about him.

    He does seem to hate those Coasties.

    "Stupid should hurt."

  6. #6
    Second Chance's Avatar
    Second Chance is offline Be the last one standing
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    I just got turned down from a job..............where do i sign up at??.......................
    Swamp Mafia





    The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
    ~Edmond Burke

    Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and like it, never really care for anything else.
    ~Ernest Hemingway

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    Follow me on twitter.........http://twitter.com/SecondChance122





    Disclaimer: The opinions given in my signatures DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and I accept sole responsibility as such.

  7. #7
    armsmaster270's Avatar
    armsmaster270 is offline Ret. Sac. P.D. - 270th M.P. Co., Now with D.H.S.
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    Don't mess with us Coasties or we will have you sent to LA/Longbeach and you will have to work (Somewhat)


    Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. --Al Bundy

    http://www.armsmaster.net-a.googlepages.com

  8. #8
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    Sometimes the thought of signing up and letting fate take its course sounds good. I am single..my family doesnt live here in Florida...shoot...it could be fun. But...I am still going to try for Washington for awhile...besides...do they have an age limit like most Fed LE jobs?
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  9. #9
    Hannibal's Avatar
    Hannibal is offline Zombie Killin' Sheepdog
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    Quote Originally Posted by Second Chance View Post
    I just got turned down from a job..............where do i sign up at??.......................
    www.usajobs.gov

    http://jobsearch.usajobs.gov/jobsearch.asp?jbf522=1895&salm in=&salmax=&paygrademin=&paygr ademax=&FedEmp=N&tm=&sort=rv&v w=b&ss=0&brd=3876&FedPub=Y&cal ler=%2Fseries_search.asp&SUBMI T1.x=114&SUBMIT1.y=8


    Quote Originally Posted by Wolven View Post
    Sometimes the thought of signing up and letting fate take its course sounds good. I am single..my family doesnt live here in Florida...shoot...it could be fun. But...I am still going to try for Washington for awhile...besides...do they have an age limit like most Fed LE jobs?

    Yep, cut off is 37 (I think).

    "Stupid should hurt."

  10. #10
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannibal View Post


    Yep, cut off is 37 (I think).
    Pretty sure you can subtract your military service from the cutoff - or you used to be able to.
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.


    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...



  11. #11
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    Quote Originally Posted by maclean View Post
    Pretty sure you can subtract your military service from the cutoff - or you used to be able to.
    I'd HAVE to that's for sure.

    Damn it I dont feel old...can do the job...in pretty good shape. Geesh. What's next? AARP



    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  12. #12
    JSO85360's Avatar
    JSO85360 is offline Coming soon through a door near you!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolven View Post
    I'd HAVE to that's for sure.

    Damn it I dont feel old...can do the job...in pretty good shape. Geesh. What's next? AARP



    Hey, I get 20% off at the movies and eat at 25% off some places too. You don't meet the age requirements for AARP anyway. You're just a schoolgirl.....
    The six o'clock rule
    I tell them to act according to the six o'clock rule, a phrase that causes most of them to say, "Huh?"
    I tell them to use this little test before they decide to do something. If they were to do what they're thinking about, and it became the lead story on the six o'clock news, would they be proud? Would their department be proud, and would their family be proud? It's a simple way to live your life both personally and professionally.

    Bruce Thomason


    "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." Mark Twain



  13. #13
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    Quote Originally Posted by JSO85360 View Post
    Hey, I get 20% off at the movies and eat at 25% off some places too. You don't meet the age requirements for AARP anyway. You're just a schoolgirl.....
    Goodie something to look forward to!
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  14. #14
    Donut Aficionado's Avatar
    Donut Aficionado is offline The Hillbilly Warlord
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    How do I find out about taking some years off of my age for military? The Veterans Affairs has gotten so completely under my skin in the past week I have to make a move to something else other than glorified parking b!tch.

    My Wife is loving her job at the tunnel.
    Insert witty comment and disclaimer here.

  15. #15
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    I looked all over the USAJobs and CBP site and didnt see anything about age. A few of the postings for other dept I did see age 37 but not all. Only problem is...I'd take a pay cut for some of the jobs.
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  16. #16
    Donut Aficionado's Avatar
    Donut Aficionado is offline The Hillbilly Warlord
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    I did the preliminary application on line to schedule a test date and was told thank you for applying...but since I have already reached the 37th birthday I cannot apply. I'll be 38 in November.
    Insert witty comment and disclaimer here.

 

 

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