Here is the glorious Winner:

1.. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honourable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine & submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine & he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop & offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the Staff that the patients were very excitable & prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, & asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun & asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk & fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you & gives you money, is a crime committed?)

6 . Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, & run. So he lifted the cinderblock & heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back & hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

7 . As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse & ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, & the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse snatcher, they put him in the car & drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car &
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

8. The Ann Arbour News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.am. , flashed a gun, & demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

9. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline & plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.