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  1. #1
    lewisipso's Avatar
    lewisipso is offline Injustice/Indifference/In God we trust
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    DUI driver with sex toy in tush rear-ends other driver, Martin deputies say

    Just another report.

    A driver with a "sexual anus plug in his rectum" was jailed after investigators say he rear-ended another driver and had more than five times the legal limit of alcohol in his blood, according to a recently released arrest affidavit.
    What could be called the case of the soused driver with the sex toy in his hindquarters happened about 11:20 a.m. Feb. 24 as Martin County Sheriff's investigators went to a two-vehicle crash at U.S. 1 and Seabranch Boulevard in Hobe Sound.

    A deputy determined Kevin Brann, 41, had rear-ended another vehicle. Officials also determined Brann smelled strongly of alcohol.

    Brann's speech was slurred and mumbled, his eyes bloodshot and glassy. A deputy gave Brann, who'd urinated in his pants, field sobriety exercises before arresting him on a DUI with property damage charge. Brann "soiled himself" en route to the slammer.

    "The defendant had a sexual anus plug in his rectum, which he removed, or it fell out in the rear of my patrol car," an affidavit states.


    The length, girth and color of the "sexual anus plug in his rectum" was not listed in the affidavit
    Is there a blank to fill in for this or should it just be listed in the narrative?


    DUI driver with sex toy in tush rear-ends other driver, Martin deputies say - Off the Beat with Will Greenlee
    Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me

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  2. #2
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    LMAO!! I've been teaching Field Sobriety classes for a few weeks now, I might have to add this to my power point!!!

  3. #3
    Captain America's Avatar
    Captain America is offline Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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    Kind of ironic that he "rear-ended " somebody else also.
    SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM

    "It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
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    Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens

  4. #4
    Five-0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain America View Post
    Kind of ironic that he "rear-ended " somebody else also.


    My narrative to that report would have been interesting.

    Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway

    The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com

  5. #5
    Jks9199 is online now The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of War
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    I made DUI arrest once on a guy who was clearly on the keep-the-party-going beer & supply run... Leather pants, a harness, and as I start my search he advised me "I have a toy..." Clarification ensued; toy = butt plug. Maybe I'll try to find that report...

    And, yes, I do sometimes still hear about it from coworkers.
    Voting against incumbents until we get a Congress that does its job.

    TASER: almost as good as alcohol for teaching white boys to dance

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  6. #6
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain America View Post
    Kind of ironic that he "rear-ended " somebody else also.
    He was just sharing the experience. Wonder if this is how he spends most of his Friday mornings?
    \\
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    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
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  7. #7
    IMGreat101's Avatar
    IMGreat101 is offline The Butcher
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    lol, goatse
    To Live Is To Eat

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  8. #8
    IndianaFuzz's Avatar
    IndianaFuzz is offline Policeman Perry fan club
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    People should know that too much Brann will just plug you up!
    CHIRP! CHIRP!

  9. #9
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Thank God that at least this one didn't happen in Wisconsin!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  10. #10
    IndianaFuzz's Avatar
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    So if he likes to get get rear ended, and then rear ends someone else... I guess that makes him versatile?
    CHIRP! CHIRP!

  11. #11
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndianaFuzz View Post
    So if he likes to get get rear ended, and then rear ends someone else... I guess that makes him versatile?
    Switch.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  12. #12
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndianaFuzz View Post
    So if he likes to get get rear ended, and then rear ends someone else... I guess that makes him versatile?
    Obviously he knows how to make ends meet.
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  13. #13
    IndianaFuzz's Avatar
    IndianaFuzz is offline Policeman Perry fan club
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    I'm sure the jailers enjoyed having to log in that prisoner's "property"..... hahaha
    CHIRP! CHIRP!

  14. #14
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndianaFuzz View Post
    I'm sure the jailers enjoyed having to log in that prisoner's "property"..... hahaha
    I'll bet they "double-gloved" for that!
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  15. #15
    IndianaFuzz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jks9199 View Post
    I made DUI arrest once on a guy who was clearly on the keep-the-party-going beer & supply run... Leather pants, a harness, and as I start my search he advised me "I have a toy..." Clarification ensued; toy = butt plug. Maybe I'll try to find that report...

    And, yes, I do sometimes still hear about it from coworkers.
    The report is public record right? Post it! If your writing is good enough, it should be hilarious.

    The closest I've had is when I was a rook, we arrested a peeping Tom. He had a large Crown Royal bag with him at the time. We asked him what was inside, and he replied, "My imagination!" What that evidently meant was a trifecta of sex toys.... vibrator, butt plug, and anal beads. When we got to the jail, the jailers decided they needed the assistance of the very stoic and straight laced Sgt. to assist with processing in the "property". They wouldn't tell the Sgt. why they needed her help or what was inside the bag. The Sgt. took one look inside and got red as a lobster (she's black, but still looked like a stoplight) and cracked the biggest smile I've ever seen her have.
    CHIRP! CHIRP!

  16. #16
    keith720's Avatar
    keith720 is offline Finely Aged
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    Years ago, I had an inmate knicknamed "Hardtime" that came to my desk walking like he'd just ridden a Brahma bull. He handed me a note that read: "This is not a joke. I have a foreign object stuck up my butt. I need help." He went to the institution nurse and she sent him out to have a circular Ban Roll-on deodorant container removed from his rectum. He'd been using it for stimulation and in the heat of the moment, it slipped out of his grasp and his sphincter closed around it. The word got out, and he couldn't leave the housing unit without someone yelling, "Hey, Hardtime! What ya got stuck up your ass today!"
    For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.

    Winston Churchill

  17. #17
    Jks9199 is online now The Reason People Hate Cops & Causer of War
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndianaFuzz View Post
    The report is public record right? Post it! If your writing is good enough, it should be hilarious.

    The closest I've had is when I was a rook, we arrested a peeping Tom. He had a large Crown Royal bag with him at the time. We asked him what was inside, and he replied, "My imagination!" What that evidently meant was a trifecta of sex toys.... vibrator, butt plug, and anal beads. When we got to the jail, the jailers decided they needed the assistance of the very stoic and straight laced Sgt. to assist with processing in the "property". They wouldn't tell the Sgt. why they needed her help or what was inside the bag. The Sgt. took one look inside and got red as a lobster (she's black, but still looked like a stoplight) and cracked the biggest smile I've ever seen her have.
    They're not public record in Virginia but I know I have it around and once found can edit it.

    Definitely was some novel writing ...

  18. #18
    Bob Loblaw's Avatar
    Bob Loblaw is offline Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
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    Quote Originally Posted by IMGreat101 View Post
    lol, goatse
    DO NOT GOOGLE THIS
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