The level of criminal stupidity around here can be downright scary.

Man who tried to escape by lawn mower sentenced | Aiken Standard - More at link, and the details are worth the read.

It seemed true that Kneece was a novice criminal – why else would he and a co-defendant use the getaway vehicle that caused Judge Doyet “Jack” Early to double-take?

“Wait, wait a minute,” Early said. “The getaway vehicle was a lawn mower with a trailer behind it?”

“Yes sir,” said Assistant Solicitor Sam Grimes.
“Are you gonna pass a drug test today?” Early asked.

“No, sir,” Cadden responded, later saying that he had used marijuana.

“Well, lets see,” Early added.

Cadden was taken to the detention area off the courtroom and asked to submit to the test. He refused, directly defying Early's demand.

Wednesday, he was brought back in front of the court, though he had changed from Monday's neat work clothes into a Detention Center-issue jumpsuit. He had also agreed to the drug test, which would come to show he had perjured himself when he admitted to using only marijuana.
Henry Simmons, 41, has felonies against his name dating back 23 years, according to testimony at his plea hearing. Now, the shoplifter is starting a five-year sentence for stealing five cases of beer.

Simmons pleaded guilty to an enhanced shoplifting charge on Wednesday that can see the offender jailed for up to 10 years. The enhancement comes from previous convictions for the crime – of which Simmons has five.