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  1. #1
    Sheriff's Avatar
    Sheriff is offline Banned
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    Country Is In Sad Shape!

    These are from actual high school essays.
    Damn, our country is sad shape.

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle
    that had its two sides gently compressed
    by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making
    and breaking alliances like underpants in a
    dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only
    come from experience, like a guy who went
    blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
    without one of those boxes with a pinhole in
    it and now goes around the country speaking
    at high schools about the dangers of looking
    at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
    with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of
    E. coli and he was room temperature
    Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh,
    like that sound a dog makes just before it
    throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years
    had disintegrated because of his wife's
    infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
    surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the
    pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement
    like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The
    whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like
    when you're on vacation in another city and
    Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose
    hair after a sneeze.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-
    crossed lovers raced across the grassy
    field toward each other like two freight trains,
    one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling
    at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 at
    the speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban
    neighborhood with picket fences that
    resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were
    like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
    informant and she was the East River.

    18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had
    a mind like a steel trap, only one that had
    been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law
    Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the
    kind of look you get from not eating for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the
    metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
    duck that was actually lame, maybe from
    stepping on a land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe
    and extended one slender leg behind her,
    like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers
    chasing kids around with power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke,
    he thought he heard bells ringing, as if she
    were a garbage truck backing up.

    26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only
    they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

    27. She walked into my office like a
    centipede with 98 missing legs.

    28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after
    you accidentally stick it to a cold pole.

  2. #2
    Andrewtx's Avatar
    Andrewtx is offline A little bit of soul
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    Lol...I think they're funny, whether they're supposed to be or not.

  3. #3
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Handbasket, enroute to somewhere hot.
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    I think at least one of those may have been mine, back from creative writing class.
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson

  4. #4
    MisterK's Avatar
    MisterK is offline Monkey Man
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    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement
    like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
    It's like poetry in motion....
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft. -
    Theodore Roosevelt


    People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.



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