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  1. #1
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    Americans with No Abilities Act of 2006

    AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT - CONGRESSIONAL ACT 2006

    WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

    The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

    "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may be."
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  2. #2
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  3. #3
    slamdunc's Avatar
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    That is truly priceless. LMAO
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by jmur5074
    What? Anyone who doubts this is a joke is a prime canidate to recieve benefits.

    It'd be funnier if I wasn't so sure some liberal would try and get it passed.
    The virtue of spirit has no need for thanks or approval. Only the certain conviction that what has been done is right. -Jor El, as played by Marlon Brando

  5. #5
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Centurion44
    What? Anyone who doubts this is a joke is a prime canidate to recieve benefits.

    It'd be funnier if I wasn't so sure some liberal would try and get it passed.

    I know that, but.....ya never know.

    Next thing you know, Brad or Tony is asking how to enroll in the program.
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  6. #6
    Terminator's Avatar
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    Red face

    Quote Originally Posted by jmur5074
    I know that, but.....ya never know.

    Next thing you know, Brad or Tony is asking how to enroll in the program.
    Funny, your girlfriend said I had quite the ability to....oops, never mind!

  7. #7
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LawEnforcementForums
    Funny, your girlfriend said I had quite the ability to....oops, never mind!

    Give a manicure? Yeah, she said it was one of the best looking things she's ever had.

    The only problem though, she said you were "too" good looking.

    I would like to point out I did not originally say "good looking". My original post was edited by someone other than myself, and now the "editor" is no longer available....
    Last edited by jmur5074; 07-20-06 at 02:29 PM.
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  8. #8
    Terminator's Avatar
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    I have never hoped to impress anyone on the internet.

    My LEF persona is just that. Off of LEF, I'm as normal as apple pie.

  9. #9
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    Quote Originally Posted by LawEnforcementForums
    My LEF persona is just that. Off of LEF, I'm as normal as apple pie.
    With or without ice cream smeared all over your body?

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  10. #10
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    With or without ice cream smeared all over your body?

    I would tell you, but then I'd be afraid your fat ass would eat me.

  11. #11
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  12. #12
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virginian

    We'll just tell your mother....uh....that we uh......ate it all.
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  13. #13
    jmur5074's Avatar
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    BTW Brad, I CAN take it.

    I just don't like to take "it" the same way you do.

    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  14. #14
    TXCharlie's Avatar
    TXCharlie is offline Former & Future Reserve Officer
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    Quote Originally Posted by LawEnforcementForums
    I would tell you, but then I'd be afraid your fat ass would eat me.
    You'd like that wouldn't you?

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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by TXCharlie
    You'd like that wouldn't you?

    This thread is as out of control as your eating habits.

  16. #16
    TXCharlie's Avatar
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    Yeah, but it's fat-free

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