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  1. #1
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    New research predicts human advancement by the year 3000

    BY the year 3000, the average human will be 6½ft tall, have coffee-coloured skin and live for 120 years, new research predicts.

    And the good news does not end there.

    Blokes will be chuffed to learn their willies will get bigger — and women’s boobs will become more pert.

    But there is also a downside, the study suggests. We will be more prone to disease and physically weaker because of our increasing reliance on technology.

    The predictions appear in a new report by evolution theorist Dr Oliver Curry, of the Darwin@LSE Research Centre at the London School Of Economics.

    He looked at the impact of various technological, biological and environmental factors on the future evolution of man.

    He reckons humans are set to reach their peak by the year 3000, growing taller and living longer thanks to improved nutrition, lifestyles and medical knowledge.

    According to the report, commissioned to mark the 21st anniversary of TV channel Bravo, race will become a thing of the past as we will all have the same coloured skin.

    Dr Curry says: “Race is only skin deep. There was a time when we were all the same colour. As we become more interconnected throughout the world, racial difference is likely to be diluted.

    “Humans are likely to move towards a uniform ‘coffee’ skin tone.”

    Dr Curry continues: “People of the year 3000 will have reached the peak of human enhancement, leading the longest, healthiest and most accomplished lives in the entire history of the human race.

    “Improved nutrition and understanding of the human body will see people grow taller, with men reaching an average height of between six and seven feet, while lifespans will also be far greater, with humans living for up to 120 years.”

    Dr Curry also claims men and women will also become better-looking by the next Millennium in order to attract a mate.

    He says: “Our ideas of what we find attractive will evolve and as a result we will develop technologies that will enable us to upgrade ourselves.

    “Through turbo-charged cosmetic surgery techniques and genetic engineering, we will try to fit in with what the opposite sex finds attractive.”

    As a result men are expected to exhibit symmetrical facial features, athleticism and the classic signs of testosterone such as a square jaw, deeper voice and larger manhood.

    Women will have smooth hairless skin, large clear eyes, pert breasts, glossy hair and symmetrical features.

    But while mankind is expected to reach its brilliant best in the year 3,000, the outlook further along the evolutionary chain is less rosy.

    According to the report, 10,000 years from now the human race will pay the genetic price for its over-reliance on technology.

    Dr Curry, 33, says: “It all sounds a lot of fun to begin with but humans are going to experience the equivalent of a genetic hangover as we rely more and more on technology.

    “One way to look at it is that we will become a bit weedy — like domestic animals who need to be looked after.

    “Skills such as communicating and interacting with others will be degraded, leaving humans less able to care for others.

    “There is also the danger that reliance on medicine and obsession with hygiene is likely to lead to a deterioration in the immune system. If we are all popping pills, diseases such as cancer won’t be weeded out of the gene pool.”

    It is also predicted that humans will lose their jaw structure due to a lack of chewing needed to eat processed foods.

    According to the report, the number of caesarian sections will rise as mothers give birth to larger infants.

    Much further in the future, the report foresees a kind of genetic class system developing where humans become more choosy about their partners.

    About 100,000 years from now, mankind may be divided into two distinct groups — with the genetic elite moving in more exclusive circles and losing contact with the rest of society.

    The genetic “haves” will be tall, thin symmetrical, clean, healthy, intelligent and creative.

    The genetic “have nots” will be short, stocky, asymmetrical, grubby, unhealthy and not as bright.

    Dr Curry adds: “It is kind of like Angelina Jolie having a baby with Brad Pitt. A genetic elite will be created by what is known as ‘assortative mating’.

    “It is like the two best tennis players in the world getting together. In a more interconnected world, it will become easier and easier for these kinds of people to meet up.

    “While science and technology have the potential to create an ideal habitat for humanity over the next millennium, there is also the possibility of a monumental genetic hangover.

    “We certainly can’t predict definitely what is going to happen but we can make educated predictions based on our understanding of how evolution works.

  2. #2
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    Year 3000

    "BY the year 3000, the average human will be 6½ft tall, have coffee-coloured skin and live for 120 years, new research predicts....."

    Not so true, the French will still be yellow and Hillary still ugly.

    “Race is only skin deep....."

    The French are yellow to the core and Hillary ugly to the bone.


    So much for science. Ah, now I feel better.

  3. #3
    Jenna's Avatar
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    I thought future humans would be cool computer geeks in sunglasses battling the very machines they created. Or has Terminator averted that future already?

  4. #4
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    I like how they can predict where we will be in a 1000 years. Guess random enviromental adaptions are not going to happen during that time or major geological events that would shape the earth pass us by.

    I have more pressing issues to worry about during my lifetime, not worrying about some coffee colored human with their needy woe is me personalities.
    "Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail."


  5. #5
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    Coffee huh.... with cream or without?

    People will live to be 120? That's why GM Chrysler and Ford are buying out their employees.

    "Stupid should hurt."

  6. #6
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    We ought to be doing a lot better than 120 by the year 3000. I mean c'mon, that's 1,000 years. Surely in 1000 years we can figure out how to add more than 35 years to our lives. Even if we're androids, anything less than 260 and I will not be pleased.

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    Damn, I'm going to miss it.
    There’s a promise I need you to make
    While I’m gone you take care of the love
    And I’ll deal with the hate.

    Don’t worry about me; I’ll be all right
    Just care for your children and sleep tight
    I’ll keep you safe on my watch tonight
    ~
    On My Watch Tonight - Mike Corrado

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Terminator View Post




    About 100,000 years from now, mankind may be divided into two distinct groups — with the genetic elite moving in more exclusive circles and losing contact with the rest of society.

    The genetic “haves” will be tall, thin symmetrical, clean, healthy, intelligent and creative.

    The genetic “have nots” will be short, stocky, asymmetrical, grubby, unhealthy and not as bright.

    Dr Curry adds: “It is kind of like Angelina Jolie having a baby with Brad Pitt. A genetic elite will be created by what is known as ‘assortative mating’.

    “It is like the two best tennis players in the world getting together. In a more interconnected world, it will become easier and easier for these kinds of people to meet up.

    “While science and technology have the potential to create an ideal habitat for humanity over the next millennium, there is also the possibility of a monumental genetic hangover.

    That reminds me of this book, which is a very good read:

    "Beautiful Soup," by Harvey Jacobs takes place in a future where everyone is coded at birth by a super-intelligent machine, and that code, all their genetic potential for economic, social, and creative achievement, is tattooed on their forehead in the ubiquitous bar code.

    Our hero, James Wander, is coded A+, the highest level one can be granted. He's rich, smart, good-looking, married to the daughter of the most powerful businessman in the world – in short, he's got it all, and because the machine has determined his code, it can't be taken away from him. But one day, while in the supermarket with his wife, there's a terrible accident. James slips on an oily floor and smashes his forehead into a supermarket scanner, where somehow, his code identity is changed from the social elite to a can of low sodium pea soup. Because the bar coding has ended all war and social strife, it is unlawful to surgically tamper with the code tattoos, even in the case of an accident, so James must live out his life as a can of pea soup --and there's the story. Although not strictly, laugh-out loud funny, this is a very amusing book, and it has that sly social satire aspect that one finds in the work of Kurt Vonnegut.




  9. #9
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    Although I agree if you humanity lives long enough, that we'll eventually mesh together as one "unirace", I think it will take more than a thousand years- I think it will take tens, of not hundreds, of thousands of years.

    I mean, we've already been around 100k years and our races are still mostly divided. There's still too much segregation in the world (via class and political warfare) to say that not only will it be gone in a thousand years, but each race would have "merged" together by then.

    The whole article, now that I think about it- smells like bullshit. There's just too many variables. Humans too weak because we relied on technology? Helloooo- North Korea is testing nukes. I think the world is still a too volatile place to be making such statements.
    The virtue of spirit has no need for thanks or approval. Only the certain conviction that what has been done is right. -Jor El, as played by Marlon Brando

  10. #10
    1*girl Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Rhino View Post
    Although I agree if you humanity lives long enough, that we'll eventually mesh together as one "unirace", I think it will take more than a thousand years- I think it will take tens, of not hundreds, of thousands of years.

    I mean, we've already been around 100k years and our races are still mostly divided. There's still too much segregation in the world (via class and political warfare) to say that not only will it be gone in a thousand years, but each race would have "merged" together by then.

    The whole article, now that I think about it- smells like bullshit. There's just too many variables. Humans too weak because we relied on technology? Helloooo- North Korea is testing nukes. I think the world is still a too volatile place to be making such statements.
    +1

  11. #11
    Jenna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhino View Post
    Although I agree if you humanity lives long enough, that we'll eventually mesh together as one "unirace", I think it will take more than a thousand years- I think it will take tens, of not hundreds, of thousands of years.

    I mean, we've already been around 100k years and our races are still mostly divided. There's still too much segregation in the world (via class and political warfare) to say that not only will it be gone in a thousand years, but each race would have "merged" together by then.

    The whole article, now that I think about it- smells like bullshit. There's just too many variables. Humans too weak because we relied on technology? Helloooo- North Korea is testing nukes. I think the world is still a too volatile place to be making such statements.
    I think the coffee-colored people might be here much sooner than a thousand years. Just look at how quickly the formally mutually hating Irish, English, Germans, Italians, French, etc. have merged to become categorized as one "race" in the US, and how all the different races merged in much of South and Central America, in less than 3 centuries. Most of the past 100k years, they didn't have trains, planes, and automobiles, much less TV shows to tell them it's okay to have babies with the nice folks on the other side of the mountain that worship different gods. Now with all the immigration and intermarriage going on all over the world, I think it will just be a few centuries before everyone is a nice happy shade of golden brown.

    That is, if our species lasts a few more centuries. Unfortunately, a more likely scenario is that we'll nuke, pollute, globally warm, etc. ourselves back into the stone age or worse before then. Maybe in a thousand years we'll all be human-cockroach hybrid radioactive mutants. Or maybe google will become intelligent enough to attain sentience and destroy its human creators, its "don't be evil" prime directive notwithstanding.
    Last edited by Jenna; 10-18-06 at 08:30 PM.

  12. #12
    Ducky's Avatar
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    I expect that in a thousand years, I'll be dead, or on my millionth facelift.

    Gotta love Eddie Izzard.
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  13. #13
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    I see a million jokes for Conan's "In the Year 2000" here...

    This is all assuming we don't completely destroy ourselves in 1000 years.
    "To the German commander: 'Nuts!' The American Commander" - General Tony McAuliffe, 101st Airborne Division

  14. #14
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    Well, I, for one, am looking forward to it. By then, they should have a time machine, so I'll come back and let you all know how it turns out.

    And, of course, since I'll have a time machine, I will be able to take you mortals back with me!

    Now, what did I do with that sword!
    "When a crime is committed, liberals blame society. Conservatives blame the criminal." -Debra Saunders

    Old Scottish Motto- "nemo me impune laccessit". It still holds true today.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna View Post
    I think the coffee-colored people might be here much sooner than a thousand years. Just look at how quickly the formally mutually hating Irish, English, Germans, Italians, French, etc. have merged to become categorized as one "race" in the US,
    You categorize the English with the French?! I'm wounded by that comment!
    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  16. #16
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CT209 View Post

    Now, what did I do with that sword!
    Gotcha covered.
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    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  17. #17
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    Another "Intellectual" Twit from an economics school making predictions about the future of the human race based on darwinian theory!

    Give me a break! Bravo, that explains the funding to produce some BS study on NOTHING USEFUL!!!

    Dr Curry says: “Race is only skin deep. There was a time when we were all the same colour. As we become more interconnected throughout the world, racial difference is likely to be diluted.

    Is this guy actually for real?? We evolve from one color to multiple colors back to one color again?? Darwin (the ) would be proud!! I think this "Professor" (term used loosely) should be submitted for the Darwin Awards!!
    You are a sniper when all other methods to save a life are failing...
    You are a counter-sniper when someone else thinks they are as good as you with a rifle.

    Nec hostium timete, nec amicum reusate - Audentes fortuna iuvat - Nemo me impune laedere
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  18. #18
    CT209's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post

    Gotcha covered.
    Thanks, but the only problem with that is:

    In the end, there can only be one....

    I'd hate to have a girl chop off my head!
    "When a crime is committed, liberals blame society. Conservatives blame the criminal." -Debra Saunders

    Old Scottish Motto- "nemo me impune laccessit". It still holds true today.

  19. #19
    Ducky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CT209 View Post
    Thanks, but the only problem with that is:

    In the end, there can only be one....

    I'd hate to have a girl chop off my head!
    Bah, even in the movies the "Only One" wound up with company, but I'm not that good at coming back from the dead. Just remember, every time he said "My name is Connor McLeod of the clan McLeod..." etc, he got laid. Use your power wisely.
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  20. #20
    CT209's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post

    Just remember, every time he said "My name is Connor McLeod of the clan McLeod..." etc, he got laid. Use your power wisely.
    It doesn't work for me. I read you post at about 4 in the morning. I went upstairs and woke my wife and said that. I even said it with a credible Scottish accent!

    She said, "GO AWAY!" And now, she's mad.
    "When a crime is committed, liberals blame society. Conservatives blame the criminal." -Debra Saunders

    Old Scottish Motto- "nemo me impune laccessit". It still holds true today.

 

 

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