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  1. #1
    Falcata is offline UK police officer
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    Unhappy My Bereavement thoughts...

    If I can just share something with you.....

    Last week a colleague of mine, who had suffered many personal problems, took his life with his own hands.... I say 'colleague' because although I'd known him professionally for several years, we were never close. But I knew him to 'pass the time of day' with and always liked the brief conversations we'd had.

    Yesterday was his funeral.

    The attendance at the service was outstanding, the police guard of honour long, smart and impressive. Mounted Police led the procession with motorcycle outriders following up the rear.

    The coffin, draped in the Union Jack and adorned with flowers saw me experience the first tear of a difficult afternoon.

    The crematorium building was too full for everyone to fit in, so speakers were utilised and fire doors opened etc. The service was standardised until a 10 year old boy stood at the podium and talked for about a minute on how much he was going to miss his 'Dad'. How he knew his Dad loved him and how he would always love and miss his Dad.

    I couldn't help it, the tears began again, just one at first from my left eye. Slowly making it's way down the contour of my face and then one from my right eye following a mirror path downwards. I didn't want to wipe them away, worried it might be noticed by my peers. I was supposed to be strong, standing there in my best No 1 dress uniform, polished shoes, cap slashed over my brow etc...white gloves.... but I couldn't help it. Here in front of me was a boy at the start of his life, explaining bravely to a crowd of a couple of hundred at least, how his life will never be the same and how he wont have his Dad around to teach him things, explain things to him, watch him in the sports day at school, etc. etc.

    At the end of the reading and the service, the following song was played - and as I looked around me, I noticed that I wasn't alone in having watery eyes as I saw very few dry ones amongst the fine body of men I'm proud to call my own.

    Have a listen to this song, the words and the sentiments and then reflect on your own loved ones, and live the life you want to.

    'The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil,
    but because of those who look on and do nothing.'

  2. #2
    conalabu is offline Grasshopper
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    Prayers and thoughts, Falcata. There are some things we are allowed to cry for.
    And Shepards we shall be,
    for thee, My Lord, for thee,
    Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
    That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
    So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
    And teeming with souls will it ever be.
    In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.

  3. #3
    Jenna's Avatar
    Jenna is offline sheep
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    I'm sorry for your loss. Thoughts for his loved ones. May he rest in peace.

  4. #4
    Wolven's Avatar
    Wolven is offline Major
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    What a beautiful song. I can see why there wasn't a dry eye in the house. There is nothing wrong with tears for a fallen comrade...sometimes it is hard to hold the sadness in.

    Thoughts and prayers with you, the familly and your dept.
    Never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way" ~Martin Luther King, Jr

  5. #5
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    San Diego
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    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  6. #6
    kjlaw's Avatar
    kjlaw is offline Swamp Mafia Proud!!!
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    Laplace, Louisiana
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    My thoughts and prayers with you and those left behind. It is so sad when a LEO feels that there is no answers to their problems and take their own lives.
    Lead from the front and always remember those who came first.

    Capt. Ocativo "OX" Gonzalez
    EOW 6/16/06

    Always remember that a casket is hotter than your vest.

    Quote Originally Posted by conalabu View Post
    Soon the whole world will be in the hands of the Swamp Mafia.

  7. #7
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    I am so sorry that you had to go through that...
    thoughts and prayers to his family

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  8. #8
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    Thoughts and prayers to you and all involved, Falcata.

  9. #9
    MacLean's Avatar
    MacLean is offline O/R Gun mod
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    Washington State
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    Through many dangers, toils and snares, We have already come.
    'Twas grace that brought us safe thus far, And grace will lead us home.

    Prayers falcata.
    I'm your huckleberry...

    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentus telum est!

    You can be the weapon, and the gun in your hand is a tool - or the gun is a weapon and you are the tool.

    I was looking for a saint who was a devil of a lover,
    but every girl I found was either one way or the other...

  10. #10
    Probation13-901's Avatar
    Probation13-901 is offline Master Officer
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    Sorry for your loss. Prayers enroute.

  11. #11
    k-9max's Avatar
    k-9max is offline K9 Officer
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    Gods Country
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    Fal, prayers, and thoughts sent your way brother,

    That was well wrote.

    Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
    Eat it, Play with it, or piss on it, and walk away!

    As smart as man is, we haven't been able to invent a machine that can smell drugs or tell us where a person has walked, Dogs are sophisticated investigative tools!

  12. #12
    narcodog is offline Rookie
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    north ga.
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    Been there, done that. Prayers for all.

  13. #13
    countybear's Avatar
    countybear is offline BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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    We may honestly never know for certain why this job brings so many of our brothers and sisters to such a point of hopelessness. Perhaps dealing so closely and constantly with so many demons and deviances around us causes us to become unable to surmount our own. We see so much of the hatred and the brutality of man, and it creates such vivid and horrifying pictures of this life for us to live with. Being the only hope for others at times, where is our hope when it is so desperately needed? Even a deep and abiding faith in the reality and presence of an omnicient and divine power can be fleeting when our imagery of this world seems destitute of all light, love, mercy, and goodness.

    Please remember that when our backpacks become too full, our heart too broken, the badge too heavy, and our minds too clouded by a seemingly unending and unwinnable fight against wickedness, spitefulness, selfishness, and man's penchant for self-destruction, there is relief, always, somewhere. Hope only dies on the last second, of the last day, of the last year, in the last eternity.

    May the grace and peace of our loving Heavenly Father descend upon you and yours in your times of sorrow, and may His light guide your paths throughout your lives, to a joyous reunion again in a world without bitter endings.

    "The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
    - Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America

    Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
    That from the nunnery
    Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
    To war and arms I fly.
    - Lovelace

    The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.

  14. #14
    PCSD722 is offline Rookie
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    West Virginia
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    A few years back I sat and had a conversation with a hugh school buddy of mine, who also happened to be a fellow officer. The night we talked was the night before I left for vacation, we talked, laughed and joked, had a wonderful time. On my second day of vacation I called to the office to have a message delivered and I was told that he had taken his own life. I know this type of loss, and I pray for you and the other officers and his family so that you may get thru this now and in the time to come. I no longer try to figure out why, I just remember him the way I knew him.

    May God bless you and all who knew him.
    Stay safe, let's all go home.

  15. #15
    PapaBear's Avatar
    PapaBear is offline SgtCHP-Retired
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    Our lives are complicated by the comings and goings of many issues. Some of them are unexplainable and confusing. Those are called friendships. Always remember the joy of your sharing friend; the reflection of a smile; the moistness of a tear; and, the words shared during the happiest of times.

    I am so very saddened by the loss of your friend and comrade. Please accept my condolences. May his loss create memories of happiness and give you solice in life. God bless you! Thank you for sharing your grief with us. It is a sad thing for a young lad to lose a parent for any reason.

    Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.
    [George Washington (1732 - 1799)]

  16. #16
    CTR man's Avatar
    CTR man is offline Officer First Class
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    Never hold back from crying. I know that we are all supposed to put on a tough persona but sometimes one just has to let loose of those tears. We are only human. As I contemplate the friendships of those I have known who have passed as well as the loved ones who have raised me, I know that I am a richer man just having known and interacted with them. I firmly believe that I will see them again and that meeting will be a joyous time had by all. I am so glad that you decided to share this with us. Take care and rest assured that there are many here that feel your pain and want to stand by you in this time of grief and suffering.

    Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

    Not a LEO

    In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres Police Dept.
    In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres Police Dept.

  17. #17
    Falcata is offline UK police officer
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    England, UK
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    Thanks for the kind words my fellow brothers... they are appreciated..
    'The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil,
    but because of those who look on and do nothing.'

  18. #18
    Car 4's Avatar
    Car 4 is offline CID Chief
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    My friend....I have lost so many in my career that I can no longer go to a police funeral. I just can't. I understand completely what you are feeling. God bless you for your good heart.

    Car 4
    I would like my country back. I used to believe that one man could never destroy this country. Not so sure anymore!

  19. #19
    Hearmoretalkless's Avatar
    Hearmoretalkless is offline On the street and stirring up trouble...
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    Prayers for you and for the boy.

    I trust that the boy will have more than a few fathers now, all his dad's buddies looking out for him through his life. Hopefully they will remember him on his birthday, Christmas, graduation and wedding days. Someday that kid will come looking for answers to the question "Did you know my dad? What kind of a guy was he?" and I can only pray he will find someone to talk to who can answer his questions.

    I can't imagine what downturn my life would have to take for me to contemplate leaving my kids - too bad that officer took this path.

    I've already been to two police funerals -- neither guys local to me, neither were LOD deaths either, but there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Don't feel badly about shedding a tear for a fallen brother/sister.

    There but for the grace of God go I...

  20. #20
    Roses's Avatar
    Roses is offline Member
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    My condolences for the loss of your colleague and my prayers for you and the little boy.

    A Smile

    A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

    It enriches those who receive it,
    without making poorer those who give.
    It takes but a moment, but the memory
    of it sometimes lasts forever.

    None is so rich or mighty that he
    can get along without it,
    and none is so poor but that
    he can be made rich by it.

    A smile creates happiness in the home,
    fosters goodwill in business,
    and is the countersign of friendship.

    It brings rest to the weary,
    cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
    and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

    Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
    or stolen, for it is something that is of no
    value to anyone until it is given away.

    Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
    Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
    so much as he who has no more to give.

    - author unknown


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